Online slots...

LOL. xx

:). I'm still here Loxxie. I'm just trying to figure out how to start a post on new members and how to do a diary. I think I'll need the diary to vent off with. Daughter at work and son with his grandad so I'm having a duvet afternoon trying to make sense of the last 10 months. I can see from my profile it now has a big 1 in the number of days I haven't gambled and it's lovely to see. I feel like you might when you wake up from a bad nightmare and lie trying to piece it all together. In all I think I spent £4000 after having online sites tell me full amounts of deposits/ withdrawls. It is reflected in my new debts which are almost to that amount. That's a week in Florida, a very good week. It's going to take about 2 years to repair damage done financially. How are you Loxxie? I hope your day is going well and your kicking the little voices into touch

And hi Firststep, thanks for the message of support. I'm going to try and get started on a diary as I think it will help in many ways

Hi Loxxie, just wanted to say you are not alone. I think we all hear those voices, I certainly do. Thankfully, we also both know they pass. Glad you stayed strong. Jx

Thanks Julie....not quite do bad today....x

Hi Loxxie , you're doing great and those silly voices will pass with a bit of time under your belt , when you've done something for so long it's always gonna try and drag you back but just be strong and keep racking up those days ! Also a message for Steffie , come and join us on the diarys , you know you want to ? It's s bit like loose women but with the odd bloke thrown in as well ! Sorry , that sounded so wrong on so many levels ! LOL ! Nothing ventured , nothing gained ! Stay safe everyone !

Hi Loxxie , you're doing great and those silly voices will pass with a bit of time under your belt , when you've done something for so long it's always gonna try and drag you back but just be strong and keep racking up those days ! Also a message for Steffie , come and join us on the diarys , you know you want to ? It's s bit like loose women but with the odd bloke thrown in as well ! Sorry , that sounded so wrong on so many levels ! LOL ! Nothing ventured , nothing gained ! Stay safe everyone !

Sorry fat fingers hit the button twice !

Are you calling us loose women Alan !. .. : ) Lol

Come on steffi...come join the mad house lol xxx

No ! No ! No ! , Well ? No ! but Hey , if the cap fit's ?. LoL !

Take care all !

Lol ...will let you off Alan...: )
Anyway the winker who has been day on my shoulder a bit to much last couple of days....seems to have jogged on else where for a while...so that's good...nice day with son...counselling tomorrow...looking forward to that again....hope all's well with my forum pals xx

Sorry to interrupt.

Steffi, to start a diary you will need to click on 'Recovery diaries...', then scroll down to the bottom of the page and you will see a blue 'New topic' rectangle. Click on the rectangle. The subject will be your diary title.

This isn't very clear.

Very sad to read about a single mother struggling. If you haven't already, I'd recommend ringing the GamCare helpline for support and financial advice.

I'd also recommend starting a recovery diary. The forum has been a huge help to me. It's now a big part of my life. You'll receive great support and advice here.

Loxxie, you should be very proud of yourself for the big impact you've made in a short time on the forum.

Hey glint...thanks for telling steffi...how to post...I couldn't remember...must be my age : )
And thanks for the compliment...I hate seeing people so distressed....sometimes all we need is a few nice words to help us in our way xxx

Hi, Loxie,

I saw your post on the other diary in response to mine and I wanted to comment, not personally, NOT to have a go but just to say how I see it from my viewpoint. I do echo Glint's post. It's great that you offer so much encouragement which is absolutely needed but there are two sides to everything.

My situation is that he gambled for one decade? Two? And he hid it, when I opened a bank statement four years ago he said anything but his prayers, including that he'd stop. My son exposed him last April by going into the bank to sort out his finances pre-uni and discovering that his savings account was empty. Even then, my husband lied to us, my son really wanted to believe him but in the end even my husband couldn't sustain his denials. So it was all very destructive.

re looking back, I agree that it's a warning and that it doesn't help to look back excessively or out of context. But my husband uses the phrase "throw it in my face" and it grates on me. It grates because that phrase is all about him, his feelings, how he can't bear to think about the destruction and it's selfish because it doesn't recognise the extent to which the children and I are hurt. He also uses the phrase, "Don't you think I regret it! And again, I see that as being all about him and I'm not sure why I should be expected to think. For me, throwing it in his face would be to call him a gambler as an insult (which I don't do) or otherwise look back when there's no particular need. On the other hand, referring to the gambling or the destruction in context, mentioning a dip in the exam results, being told about distress shown in school, or discussing the difficulties in our relationship or some practical thing that has resulted from the gambling, none of that is throwing anything.

I do think the Steps are spot on, they are a system of clean living that deals with all of the mess that has gone before. That's both the GA Steps and the GamAnon Steps. Unfortunately my husband is not a subscriber yet and he doesn't "get it" in the sense that he wants to move forward without dealing with the destruction first. And long term, that won't work. In short, it's not easy on either side of the fence.

I hope the gf days continue to mount up, wish you well.

CW

Hi cw...thanks for such an honest post....I suppose it comes down to either side of this vile addiction will never be fuly understood by the other....how can we when we havnt walked in those shoes. ...I've tried to put myself in my families shoes many a time....and while I can imagine the pain of the lies...lost time...debts etc. ...if I'm honest I can't 100% swap roles. ..and I think that's the case in any circumstance in life...we just don't know what something's like unless we have been there....from my point of you it's not a sefish thing when I said I wouldn't want it "In my face"....it's how I am...I've held my hands up to the mess I've caused...instantly set up blocks so I can't play....going to counselling to sort my head......all to beat this vile addiction...for me ....and my family.....the hardest part of recovery for me is feeling the pain from my family....seeing the doubt in there eyes...the lack of trust...the feeling of self loathing because o*g...she's a gambler.....I know it's going to take ages to get the respect and trust back....but for me....they said they would stand by me through recovery.....and we agreed to draw a line under from that day......I think ..from reading your diary that hubby was in much deeper than me and the addiction had led him to do things to the extreme....I don't know...maybe you have to separate the recoveries. .if that makes sense !. ...to me...the money I gambled had gone...and I've let that go....but my promise to my family is my recovery....and what I think I meant was if I started getting "" digs"....I'm worried it would send me backwards....arghhhh....what a waffle lol...
Anyway....I think you hubby is a lucky man to still have you at his side...and I so hope your family life gets better everyday....much respect for you cw.....and thankyou for your kind words x

So I see it's 5 weeks today...gamble free...wow...all seems a bit weird really....nice to able to pay bills each week...no excuses as to why payments late...sorted a couple old debts as well...so slowly getting there....urges...yes sometimes...very on / off...may go couple days without thinking about slots...or like the other day they were in my head 24/7....but on the whole ...think it's improving....spend a lot of time on here...but tell myself that's ok ...at least it's constructive and it's know more time than I would have spent on slots....reading about people's relapses help me...and I know it may sound selfish. ...but it makes me think ..""please don't let that be me ""..daughters and granchildren are ok...just want to 're build all the hurt and pain I've caused them...sons on half term...so nice to chill with him instead of head in laptop....hubby...well we poodle along ...and as some id you know I've not told him about my gambling...right or wrong...but when you get continual agro about everyday things...no sauce left...sons drunk to much coke...cars dirty..what do you mean your going out tomorrow...what do you want to do that for...bla bla....i dont know ...all sounds daft...but like ive said before....hes a volatile man...so untill im mentally and enmotionally in a better place i wont be saying anything...who knows what the future will bring...counselling is helping a great deal...making me look at why I gambled...escaping from an un happy marriage...so ok...i hear you all say ...well get out then...but its not that simple.....but what ever the future holds it won't involve a slot machine....xx