You know what to do then don’t you and it doesn’t involve gambling . Will keep watching your updates thanks for the chat ! By the way the work ethic is like most gamblers , it funds the addiction but not wanting to take anything away from that
Day 120
So as you can see from my diary the last few entries i have been a bit up and down the last few weeks. One thing im learning to do through these times is talk it out. I might sound like im moaning but im just releasing that negitive emotion. In the past i very much kept everything in and im learning its better to release small moans then to hold in what becomes a big issue. I think in general life people don't talk their problems out loud enough. Its ok to not be a perfect person, none of us are.
I decided to start applying for new jobs and found a couple that sound like something i would really enjoy. Both with much more sociable working hours vs what im doing now. Would be good if i hear back from them but if not there are many more out there and one will come up. I wasn't sure at first if deep down that is what i wanted to do but after starting the process of applying i was actually buzzing with excitment from the potential change so that to me has put my mind at ease that this is what i want to do moving forwards.
The usual gambling thoughts but nothing more. On to tomorrow.
"Lets talk"
Congratulations on 120 days gamble free.
You have certainly come a long way since you made the decision to stop gambling. Having just read your post of 31st October I can appreciate the challenges you have had to cope with. The addiction certainly had you in it's grip and it doesn't like to let go.
Hope your search for a new job is successful and you find something suitable. Having started a new chapter in your life, you can now make use of your talents in a positive way.
Talking is good, bringing things out into the open let's us see more clearly.
Great music choice.
Wishing you well ...stephen
Thanks for posting on my diary the other day - enjoyed reading through your diary, and can't believe how well you've done. Good luck on the job search ... I need to do something similar myself as I think stress (or boredom) at work has been a big trigger. I have a good degree in history from Oxford ... most of my peers have high flying jobs in the City, while I headed home to Leeds and have been trundling along in the last 20 years. I think I gambled partly to try and make up for some sense of a life wasted/ financial inadequacy/not fulfilling my potential ... in reality, I talk to them and they are jealous of me ... they earn loads, but London is expensive, wives don't work, kids in private school, working until late every night ... grass isn't always greener! Sure you'll find something great though ... you've managed to get through 120 days without gambling, and that's a great achievement. Rich
Thanks Stephen, its a bumpy ride but its worth it. I have peace of mind in ways i never could have while gambling. Im also a much more confident person which is great.
Hello Rich. Yea i get some of them thoughts myself. Ironically money isn't a big driving factor to me. Right now im just trying to find some balance in life. Since quitting gambling i've really started to see how much i am living to work. Im feeling so tired physically and that tires me mentally too. Not had an annual leave for what will be 6 months once i finally have a week off, 3 weeks into February.
Day 122
Payday, usual routine now. Paid all the bills that i can in advance. Payday doesn't mean a great deal it just resets the money counter and pushes the debt down a little more. A month feels like a long time but working through them the way i have to. Still paying pretty high interest on my debt which is pretty annyoing. 2 steps forwards 1 back but its progess. Hopefully i can get this debt shifted to a better (or 0%) rate but this isn't going to happen just yet. Payment progress will slow down so im actually going to post the progess i have made so far just as a reminder to myself that it is going down. The amount i've paid off would have been lost gambling 100% so its a running total of "savings" as much as a reminder of just how much i was wasting.
Total debt at start = £10,504
Current debt = £8,266
Total paid = £2,238
Hello Ineffable, yea i also need to fill my time better hence im looking for a new job that can help me with that. The one im in now is too much physically. Yea i have paid a chunk off the debt but my progress will slow down by about half over most of the rest of this year and i won't be any better off each month by less coming off the debt.
Day 124
Woke up after 12 HOURS sleep last night. I listened to some meditation in bed and i slept right through. I do feel much better for it, good job it's a day off today!
Got some shopping and cleaning to do then back to work tomorrow. Applied for another 4 jobs last night. Feel like my focus is on job searching at the moment. Finding it hard to concentrate on my job, need to get a better routine in place ASAP.
No gambling today.
Day 128
Walking to work just before 7am this morning a homeless guy said "morning" to me. I stopped and said hello. We talked a couple of minutes and he started telling me about himself. I asked if he was ok (wondering if he was just being polite saying hello or needed any help). He said "yes im ok, i was beaten up and have been left with some brain damage". I said "wow, im sorry to hear that" and he just said "no,no its all good. Im ok, im alive".
We had a good chat and he thanked me for it. I felt humbled. It was one of them moments that reminds you where you really are in life vs where others find themselves. To have been in that position you could forgive him for having a very different attitude.
Nothing to add on the gambling side of things. Its all very steady and level and thats a good place for me to be with it.
I had to cover work on Tuesday so i again have a weekend this week. Only because i had to cover for staff on holiday this week. Have 2 more weeks then a week (maybe 2 weeks) off. Needed.
Well done mate for stopping and having a chat with that poor fella, it doesn't take much to give someone a couple of minutes of your time every now and again and to be kind, I believe you'll received the same kindness back by folk if you go out of your way.
Congrats on 128 days, brilliant!
Wilsy
You are right it doesn't take much Wilsy. There are some good poeple that have just found themselves in a mess.
Brings me onto another thing. I buy a copy of 'The Big Issue' off a great guy in my city every week. We chat a lot, he's a really great person. This week's issue talks about mental health issues and talking. Go out and buy one today or tomorrow and have a read it'll help that person out a little too.
Day 130
Nothing more to say, won't be gambling today.
Today hasn't been easy for me. Been a bit down. I've carried on paying back the max i can afford to pay off my debt and i've had a couple of extra bills the last week. I've been left with about £20 "buffer" for the next 3 weeks until i get paid again and that doesn't include doing anything social or allowing for any treats.
I think im gunna have to bite the bullet and pull back on my payments from now on. The speed in which i will be able to pay back has already been slowed down to £1000 every 4 months after interest has been paid but im going to have to slow this down a bit more. Not ideal but i don't want to be miserable for the next 2 years stuck at home everyday, worrying about any unexpected bills that might arise knowing i don't have anything to cover them.
No gambling so there is a positive...
Day 136
Been a better week. In work tomorrow then 1 more week til 2 weeks off. 2 weeks until i get paid and i'll be able to pay some more off the debt. This month im going to pay less off and allow myself the option to be able to do something outside of just working.
I've stretched every penny i've had to paying down my debts since i stopped gambling. While i was working hard over Christams it was all fine as i had no time or energy to do anything anyway. The last month and a half i've had plenty of time to do something but no money and its forced my focus back onto money and its got me down a bit.
Heading into another weekend with a positive attitude with regards to remaining gamble free.
Day 138
Another calm weekend. Worked yesterday. Today i've just been catching up on some home chores. Trying to get ahead a little for the coming week. Start work 4 hours later than normal tomorrow (finish 5 hours later though) so i'll have a chilled start to the week by the fact i don't need to be up at 5:30am. Have also re-written my CV and applied for a few other jobs.
Most of all today i did not gamble.
Day 140
Im getting used to seeing and spending money. Used to seeing my bank account settled. Used to knowing when something is running low i have the funds to replace it. I am getting used to being the real me.
Gambling thoughts are rarer and are just that and for that i am greatful.
Today we had to put to sleep a family dog. At one point we had 5 (2 rescue, 3 from puppies), today now 1. I know we shouldn't have favourites but he was mine and i was his. He had a good 15 years. RIP little man.
Congratulations sjwsjw on 140 days gamble free.
Sad to read of your bereavement. It is hard to lose a pet and after 15 years you will heve developed a very strong bond.
Remember all the good times you shared and cherish the memories.
Sorry to read you had to put your family dog down, always really hard when we lose them but welldone on 141 days today and a positive post
Wilsy
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