reborn on the 4th July

Yo,

You know Hun , we are addicts and addicts have slips . Which is to be honest is s**t but it happens and we have to live with it .

But I have to say how proud I am of you . Not only coming back quick smart , but the realist attitude you have taken .

This has put you straight back on the road of recovery , without giving the dammed addiction an inch to get into your being and go into full blown relapse mode .

Not many people do that , but you know that .

Lesson learnt , move on .

Good for you my dear dear friend .

Shiny xxxxx

Thanks shiny

As I av always said I accept that I will never beat gambling all I can do is make sure it doesn't beat me , I accept that it will lie dormant inside it and will rise when stress is in my life but I also know I can't live my life worrying and stressing whether and when its goin to happen all I can do is deal with it when and if it does

Everyones recovery is different and some may agree and disagree but that is my view and ultimately deal with my life and the stress that is in it at the moment

I feel very calm at the moment like the calm after a storm the damage has now been done and its time to pick up the pieces ,the key is now to learn for next time when that storm starts to come , mistakes will be made on this incredible journey and a mistake was all it was I am not beating myself up what I av done , I know where I am in life and no where I want to get to but also know I can't get there now

Patience is something I av bags of when it comes to others but somehow can't apply that to my own life , we are who we are there is so much good in me , the questions will always be there why that demon lies in me , one day I will get my answers but accept that they cannot be answered right now

Hi Castle

Great last post.I have to agree on your outlook of gambling about it lying dormant and will emerge during times of stress and bad times.I have always been worried about that happening to me.Although i have to say that without gambling them times dont come as often.A lot of those stressfull times are brought on by ourselves,so i guess we can narrow them down a bit eh.

As for other stressfull times maybe a death in the family or a sickness.I dont really know how it would affect my gambling stance,because although i was never lucky at gambling.I have been very lucky with family issues and health.

Pick yourself up kid and get back on the horse.All the best Jeff.

Castle ...just read your post there as havent been reading much as im in a very bitter place,

it made me cry...for no other reason that I also felt like trying it myself as a last resort due to financial stress.

No need to reply as you need to keep your spirits up with positive posts and I'm in hell right now again and not much use.

R and d xx

Congrats for getting straight back in the saddle castle your level headed approach and support for people on here is invaluable .I'm only just beginning the fight but to read of others experiences further down the line will stand me in good stead

Its amazin how I feel now with regards to gambling as b4 there were urges and it was at the front of mind till finally giving in to temptation to now feeling it been the last thing on my mind

This I need to learn from as no doubt this will happen again , hopefully the closure on my divorce will help , having to control all my finances is an issue , I know I can do it and most of the time I do , my life is not complete no partner to support me to take the control of money to remove all the temptation away , but thats not how it is so can't dwell on that

Each time I learn from my errors and sometimes thats all I can do , I dont ever look back now just forward what's done is done I'm back on track

I can't ask anymore of myself than that today I did not gamble and that feels good , tomorrom I av to make the same choice and only I can make it

Hey castle2,

Thanks for the post, so very true all I thought about was gambling when I was in the hooks of it. So happy to be free of those hooks, but I'am always aware of what it did to me, and I must remain strong and determined to never return to those dark days. Much congrats to your continued abstinence.

Chicagoguy

Hi castle nice to hear from you again 🙂 although not on the circumstances, but you are right we can only but try, we could of done a lot worse and the main thing is we're on here and back on that road.

worst thing I ever done was stop posting on here for a little while mainly didn't post because I was embarrassed of my slip but have learned swallow pride and get support 🙂 take care and speak soon keep going I'm here if you need me

H xx

I really can tell the difference in my mind , its clear no thoughts of gambling and its the best feeling ever , I still remember now the feelings that were in my head whilst gambling there was no switch off from it constantly checkin how much money I had working it out every hour if I won that back I would be where I was a week ago , winning or losing it didn't really matter the thought of all those figures goin through my head not allowing me to concentrate on anything else in life

Goin from last Feb to Nov was the best period of my life , fully abstaining from gambling no thoughts of it and living a real good quality of life and thats where I need to get back to , when I relapsed last Nov I honestly dont think I got back on track the urges were always somewhere in my mind , a lot stems from the divorce as I feel so bitter towards my solicitors I would honestly compare them to a bookmakers with been very greedy and not taking responsibility of their actions and the effects they are having on peoples lives

Its been 11 months now since I filed for divorce which at the beginning I was told it would be done by Oct and the cost would be around 1500 quid which I paid upfront , I was advised very badly by my 1st solicitor who left the firm last Sept and that is where the problems started another one took over a senior one and since then its just been stress all the way , its now April I av paid another 600 now and there will be more to come and its hurting of badly , not that I can't afford it but mentally accepting what has happened if I had been told at the beginning it would cost me 2500 and take a year then fine I would av been prepared but that didn't happen , with having a compulsive gambling problem lying inside me hasn't helped , the extra 600 to me is like a loss and in the end I tried to chase it

I dont blame the solicitors yes I feel very bitter towards them the only person to blame is myself and accepting I made a mistake , the closure will come on this soon and like I av said b4 it will be massive for me , I know it won't cure me as there are still a few other issues in my life I need to sort

What I av learned that life is bout choices and only I can make them , if I allow stress into my life I know there is a strong possibility it will lead to gambling

So goin forward if I choose to make decisions that I know will bring stress into my life them I can only blame myself

I need to be the stronger person

Castle,

You really are an amazing man. You have had more to deal with in the past few years than anyone I have ever known. Sometimes your life makes Coronations Street look boring. You have slipped and made it back here straight away. This tells everyone all they need to know about you and your committment to your recovery. I am so so glad you have come back right away. Keep moving on in your recovery.

Tomso.

Hi Castle,

One of the greatest and probably one of the most important lessons I learned from others like yourself on this site is that a slip does not automatically mean a relapse. Not if we are willing to get right back up again and resume taking steps in the right direction. Over the last 8 months I have slipped many times but, each time I learned something new about gambling addiction, about myself, and why I take the bait and subsequently make the wrong choices. Thanks for your continued example Castle. Folks like you leading and lighting the way have made the path to recovery seem more possible and bearable for folks like me. Thank You. -joanxxxxx

Hi castle,

I have to echo tomso and jury's thoughts, I believe that life lessons are presented to us in different guises until we learn the lesson, you my friend dispite set backs are learning something about yourself and this addiction and that is progress. Your determination to beat this is second to none and rather than go into poor me syndrome you come back just that little bit stronger and wiser to this addiction.

That will stand you in good stead for your continued recovery and you so deserve it

Take care

Blondie

Yo,

I see you as stronger than you think you are .

Like Tomso said you've been through more than

Most this past year . And let's be honest as CGs we were looking for the quick fix . Patience I believe does not come naturally to us . I know for myself I hate having things hanging over my head .

Like I have said to you on numerous occasions , you are an inspiration ,

Have a good weekend , watch a bit of the voice last night , still think its rubbish. Has Jess got you both to pull up front row seats ?

Shiny xxxxx

Thanks shiny

Got home from work and checked the post something that now fills with me with fear , and there it was a letter from the solicitor Ker ching another 30 quid on my bill and thats b4 opening it inside was a half page letter stating that we are now finally in a position to apply for a court date which is good but I need to pay 45 quid upfront b4 they can proceed , for me this I dont understand why they can't just invoice me after I just dont know esp when they rake all that money in , I can feel the bitterness and anger has I'm writing this which I know is not good for me I need to deal with it , so on Tuesday I will go in bite my tongue pay it and see what's next

For me this shouldn't be a stressful situation me and the ex sorted everything it should av been so straight forward but I honestly believe they av strung it out on purpose just to get more money off me not once having a thought for my feelings do they not know the affects it has on people esp someone with a gambling problem and compulsive tendencies

Again though its all down to choices and making the right ones and only I can make them , I am having to dig deep on this until all this is over

Surely it can't be much longer

Castle,

Hang in there buddie. My thoughts are with you and I really hope the divorce reaches completion soon enough.

A law degree is like learning a foreign language only just for a select group of clever, highly educated people. They use this language to compose letters filled with words that only they understand the meaning of. The rest of us have to pay a lawyer a fortune to write a letter or respond to a letter from another lawyer because we don't understand the "language". Bunch of crooks if you ask me. What is happening to you simply is not fair.

Keep your chin up it will all be over soon.

Tomso.