reborn on the 4th July

Worked all weekend , held a meeting after work with all team management and then went for something to eat and drink afterwards , the meeting went well but then when out a big argument started and it all kicked off , this week I caught a member of staff stealin money and its shocked everyone , a lot of mixed views with sympathy and tension ran a bit high , my friend was there who has caused me so much heartache that situation is still so hard and doesn't help me in my recovery but I can't deal with it now work goes on and thats more important

Went to the solicitor to pay the 45 quid my face must av looked like thunder , I paid on my credit card to be then told that would be anothe charge of 2.50 the only words I spoke were well u av had all my money another 2.50 isn't goin to hurt next time I might as well give them the shirt of my back

So overall I'm really not handling everything well loads of urges , I feel so down the worst I av felt for a while , I need to somehow shake myself and kick start my life just feels like hope at the moment

Just wanted to say went through a divorce many years ago and it is a truly frustrating business but you are so near completing this horrid process that as the song says 'don't give up now.'

Would be ten times worse if you give in to all the urges so please count to ten, think of Jess and hang on in there. So easy to say and so hard to do but so many on here behind you all the way, myself included.

xxx

Hi Castle,

I'm sorry 2 read u r going thru a tough time atm. Ur strength is inspirational. I have so much time and respect 4 u....U have supported me thru the ups and the downs on this journey and I want to say a special thank u 2 u 4 all ur help. I would not have got this far without ppl like u 🙂

I am always here 4 u if u need me, I hope Jessica is ok.... Does she like the voice?

Stay strong Castle xx

Thanks charlotte and re

Where's my strength gone from last year ? I feel so weak my view of gambling is I will never beat it but I will make god d**n sure it doesn't beat me and in the end it won't

I apply the same rule to my solicitors and there lies the difference I'm a beaten man they av worn me down until there is on fight left in me , the last time I stood up to them it felt good but since then it seems they av charged me more as a punishment , with the invoices u av no idea what they av charged u for , the bitterness and hatred I av towards them is no good for my recovery I live in fear of them , letters and phone calls filling me with dread of the costs incurred

All I can do is sit tight and hang in there and wait for it to be over but even now I dont know how long it will take , I could phone to ask but another cost is charged

I also need to take my own advice and stay close to this site esp when the urges come and I would go on to say fight with everything I av , I need to dig so deep and face this full on accept the situation and somehow deal with it

Tough times Castle

Sounds to me like you will battle through though mate, a measure of how far you've come .We all know where we would have ended up in situations like this before

Good luck to u mate

Hi castle,

Sorry to see you are still going through a tough time with the solicitors you must feel like they have sucked all the life out of you, but try to keep at the forefront of your mind that as sure as the sun will set this evening it will not last forever. One final push and hopefully your over the finish line and it will all be behind you.

I know you might think that's easy for me to say but I understand what you are going through and I empathise with your situation, they may have taken your money don't let them take your spirit.

Keep going, always reading and supporting.

Take care

Blondie

Solicitors are vultures and anyone in your situation would feel down and close to breaking point. Yet the end must surely be in sight now and you've got to find the will and the strength from somewhere to carry you across the line. We're all tougher than what we think and you are no exception, you will regain that determination I'm sure. If you can come through this then you will be able to handle anything life throws at you in the future, there is great comfort in that. Don't let the ba*tards grind you down. Hang in there champ, only one more round to go and you're way ahead on points.

Good luck, remember to keep your defenses up.

Steve

Virtual electric fence in the post, sent first class.

b******s(solicitors)+ gambling one side, Castle + Jess the other side - simples.

xxx

Thanks guys the support means so much at the moment

I'm looking at the positives and I know deep down that gambling is not the answer to my problems , life is so much better when it plays no part , like everyone says just need to see this through go back to basics and stop feeling sorry for myself

Putting some plans in for next pay day goin to pay what I owe and then give my cards to a friend leaving me just what I need to survive till the pay after hopefully by then the divorce should be finalised and more importantly no more payments to the solicitors

I av not let this affect me with jess and made sure I'm giving her all my attention , I won't lie and say its been easy but I can't let her down and in the end I won't

Hi castle and thank you once more for being there at the other end ....yep ...solicitors....same cess pit as estate agents...making money from folks misery....

I know from past conversations that amicable is not a word they know as they have to pitch 2 parties as adversaries then fight it out charging you all the way and dragging it on.

It must feel ever ending some days ....I guess if it were just you youd say f***k it...buy a tent and live in the woods...but there is young Jess who is keeping you grounded and shes the reason why you will get through this.

There is an end I promise....at xmas I hit that place where after huge effort it seemed that I was stuck as in my head the new year should have been a new start... but there was more to come.

I now only in these few weeks have felt a change.....and seen some real end fo all this ...and by that I mean still stuff to sort but I know I can cope with whats to come now.

Sending you some words that I clung on to at xmas...."sometimes its darkest just before the dawn " ...its like the final test ,

as they say...a slip not a fall....thats all it was....

Keep the faith....its not so much what you have faith in only that you have it...

R and D xx

Thanks Rachael

That post and reading ur the post on ur diary has brought the strength and determination back into me like a light been switched back on , u can't go to the shops and buy that sort of the thing , that is the benefit of this site the inspiration it can give esp when ur at ur lowest and feeling sorry for urself

So an inspiring start to the day which will do wonders for me , I won't let these problems in life beat me I can't let these problems in life beat me

I and only me can make the right choices and make it happen

And I will !

Dang right Mr C ....the biggest two fingers to the past are coming for us both.

We've had more than our fair share....

Put those hands up and out in front of you and push it back....we need a break ..

I just KNOW your going to start seeing white feathers....

its great just knowing your in the world Castle .... (((())))...xxxx

A good day at work today my mind is clear of what I want I just now need to stick to it , no distractions just now need to stick to it , goin forward I can't let things in life or people dictate the affects they av on my life , they always lead to stress which leads to the possibility of gambling happening and I just dont want that anymore

I av choices every day to make what I decide to accept and the impact it will av on my life goin forward , so I need to deal with it head on and the determination is there to do it

I really need to be more selfish and put me 1st , no one ever puts me 1st and the decisions others make I av not got to let that bother me

I can only make it happen iv had 3 years of s**t lost everything started from scratch again fightin an addiction no one understands other than the fantastic people on this site been walked on by everyone and everybody trusted and believed in people who av constantly let me down

So now its time to fight back the end of this nightmare is nearly there I just need to hang in a little longer and that better life will come

Only I can make it happen I av to make the right decisions

Castle,

You can do it buddie. Keep strong. You have been through so much but things will change for the better and great things will happen.

Ref: Dotty's post.

If it wasn't for my wife and kids I think I would buy a tent and live in the woods. That sounds great to me.

Tomso.

Thanks Tomso

Off today and got jess so goin to do whatever she wants to and spend some real quality time with her , the urges seemed to av ceased now , after my relapse and throwing away a good position the urge was to get it all back all my debt was clear part from my loans that are all tied up in a plan which just get paid monthly , accepting my losses was important I av now set up a 3 month plan and I will be back where I was , I av a few visa cards with very small limits which I had just paid off and was really proud of that and now there not but thats done now , next pay day I will hand them over with a payment paid on all of them and do the same for the next two paydays and they will be clear

Sounds straight forward but no doubt it won't be but only I can make it happen and it will

My beautiful daughter has just woke and wants my undivided attention and rightly so

So definitely time to go !