reborn on the 4th July

Castle.

My friend I am glad to see you are using the sanctuary of Gamcare to put out some trash, to harbour those thoughts must be deeply painful, I hope in time you will continue to lance the boil, I see myself through addiction having been on the other side of the fence, the taker, the be all and end all revolved around my feeding the punt, oh and when it all came crashing down it was always everyone else's fault for not caring, stopping my bad luck.

Since the day i arrested my addiction i can see clearer and clearer the damage I caused, today it is about finding balance.

The story Ade brought to the forum and blondie again later, sits on my fridge door,

" A jar of mayonaise and two beers"

Give it a read, it can be googled, it helps with focus, to put the things in order.

Fella to end, keep up the great work.

you should be very proud.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Rach and Duncan

Googled the mayonnaise and 2 beers and reading it makes so much sense , my priorities have always been mixed up putting others needs b4 my own and the more I read into it this def didn't help from a gambling respective as my emotional needs were not be met giving into people just like I did with gambling , looking at putting it on my bedroom wall so it will be the 1st and last thing I see everyday , this site never ceases to amaze me with what it brings , my outside view of the world of what I av experienced with peoples views to gambling is very stereotyped all tarred with the same brush all losers in probably wrong as I av not opened up to many , I just wish the people who I know av those views could see how well educated supportive people there are on here

Surprisingly the visit at work went well it was the longest one to date , 2 and half hours , as expected picked up on a few things but this time didn't feel quite as deflated as previous times , it was more of a coaching session than a telling one , he will be back so just important that he doesn't pick up on the same bits as this time

Wed Thurs been re manic at work so glad to be off today loads to do to keep me busy 1st on the agenda is jess's assembly at school fills my heart to see her so happy to av me there waving and smiling and lookin so proud if she achieves something special that week , for me just been there for her to support her means everything to me

Bumped into an old work colleague from 20 years ago , gave me some real food for thought and inspired me greatly , he is now a millionaire and all through hard work and dedication started out doin quizzes in pubs and now has is own empire it was amazing to hear him talk u cud see is brain thinkin one step ahead all the time but very down to earth with it a real people person , I take my hat off to him he knew what he wanted in life and went for it , unfortunately the comparison between us were huge when I look at my last 20 years but for me what's important is my next 20 years

So a good couple of days , all went well at work been inspired by a jar of mayonnaise and 2 beers and an old friend from the past and most importantly I chose not to gamble and for now thats all that matters

Thanks for the post castle. Glad to hear things are going well for you. Everythings in a mess for me at the mo but if i can get my head straight and off this crazy cycle i know it can only get better, thanks again and have a great weekend.

Hi Castle,

It's great to see you pulling out of a funk. I agree with you whole heartedly that when the sh it hits the fan it is alot harder for me seems almost impossible to be calm. For me it's practice. It took me over 10 years to get into this pit/ point in my addiction it is going to take more than a few months to dig myself out. I just know that there is a way out. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel even if it's just a pin hole some days. That's what I am gonna try to keep my eye on from now on. And, if I find myself in total darkness I am gonna reach out to my friends on gamcare. Cause "I will get by with a little help from my friends. Gonna try with a little help from my friends." 🙂 What I have seen is that someone will be along shortly with a flashlight or a candle to light the way. Take Care good friend Castle! -joanxxxx

Thanks Joan

Had a good day off after jess's assembly went shopping caught up with a bit of tv what had been recorded , picked jess up from school had a nice afternoon with her she got picked up at six then I even found the motivation to go to gym which I was really pleased bout and that felt so good after a session a hot shower got back to flat and pretty much straight to bed , slept so well just not long enough

A really tough day comin up at work every 3rd sat we start preparing for promotion change which starts with bout 30 cages hitting us and its a real physical slog of a day esp with the staffing levels as they are, tie that in with having to work with friend all day or maybe now say not so very friendly friend which is a two way thing on both sides which is prob the best way for now , all we can do is be civil to each other whilst working , not many days I dont look forward to goin to work but today is one of them , it will get easier as time goes by and I'm just thinking bout my future and what best for me something I should av done a long long time ago

Hey Castle ..

Just reminded me ..our promo change is on the 30th but no where near the volume of yours ...

Just popping in to say a big hello and to say I always read ...

We are all brothers and sisters in arms in this...soldiering on ..we may loose the odd battle but we shall win the war!

R and D xx

Hiya castle. Just dropping in. Hope today ain't to bad. Atleast being busy hope it'll go by that bit quicker. Glad you enjoyed the assembly and the time ya daughter.

Castle,

I hope you get through work with no problems today and once that is out of the way then you can enjoy the rest of your day.

Have a nice weekend buddie.

Tomso.

Work went ok yes it was a slog 9 hours from 6 in the mornin eating a sandwich whilst working a quick cup of tea whilst reading my emails , wouldn't av it any other way the time flies not one day goes by having to block watch , understandably it was a bit frosty with friend we were civil and spoke when we had to but both stayed professional , still dont know how I will move on from all this the days I dont work with her I'm like a completely different person then the 2 days I do I change again , I love my job as hard as it is and I love where I am working at know the only way I will be fully be able to move on is if we didn't work together but for now that ain't gonna happen , they say time is the biggest healer so time will tell , the key for me is to stay strong and not give in

Been gamble free is the most important thing to me I just dont want it in my life I av tasted what life is like without gambling in it , all I can do is avoid the triggers I know what makes me gamble all the signs

Its down to me to make the right decision each day and today I will

Hey Castle,

Thanks for the kind words on my diary. Much congrats to you also. Knowing are triggers is a big part of recovery and learning how to deal with them ourselves, instead of using gambling as a coping mechanism. Enjoy your day, and thanks again for all your support.

Chicagoguy

Thanks Chicagoguy

Had a fantastic day yesterday took jess to the seaside for the day it was just so rewarding to see how happy she was , she has the sweetest laugh and it fills my heart to see her laughing , we decided to use the money in the piggy bank I had saved for her which was bout 30 quid which in the end was money well spent , I still remember the days when back at home with ex we had a big cola bottle what we put change into and the times I would av took 5 and 10p out to make 50p just to av a bet so desperate to feed my addiction , only now can I see how that looks and felt and thats what the addiction drove me to

So a gamble free weekend and now over a good 2 weeks since my last relapse , I dont count anymore what I always know is I admitted my problem in Oct 2011 for the very 1st time and sought help and that day I will never forget , for me its been quite a journey steps av been made I can see the light at the end of the tunnel some days its much further away but I still see it

In the 18 months my biggest acceptance is that I will never beat gambling but I will make d**n sure it doesn't beat me , with 3 relapses under my belt I know only too well when u think u av it beat thats when it will hurt u the most

I am learning all the time to combat this illness it can't be cured but it can be controlled and thats my aim in life so I can live that better one iv always dreamed of

Hi Castle,

Ur last post made me smile, I am soooo glad u had a gr8 day with Jessica... U deserve it!

U have been thru some ups and downs on this journey Castle, but u have not given up, u keep fighting it gives me so much hope. U r a true inspiration!

I am so grateful for all the support u have given me, I could not have got this far without ppl like u, so thank u 🙂

I hope u have a gr8 week xx

Hi Castle,

Thanks for your kind words on my diary and I am pleased you had such a great time, with your daughter down the beach. You sound so happy and I agree with you, each time we relapse we do learn bit by bit and come back stronger.

Huge congrats on over two weeks mate.

Hi Castle,

Fantastic post from you today friend. Gave me a lift reading it just now. About says it all. 🙂 -joanxx

A perfect day as you say and many more to come.

xxx