reborn on the 4th July

Thanks Tomso

Been an up and down few days works kept me busy and spent quite a lot of time with jess but had quite a few urges , with giving my sister my bank cards left myself quite tight till next payday which is next Thurs , so not sure if I'm goin to av enough to get through so the urge was there to try and win a bit more which was really stupid as it would av left me with nothing , I av the option to go round and get them if needed but I think is the whole embarrassed pride thing , I'm ok for the next few days so will see how it goes

Hey castle ..thank you for thinking of me today....had a down day ...I get paid end of next week so know how you feel, just making sure I have priority stuff money like travel to work and food...stocked up on pasta and noodles!

Not sure if its the right advice but maybe your sis can have your pin and pick up a few bits for you til payday...

r and d xxx thanks again for getting it x

Castle,

I am sorry to read that you have been having strong urges but I hope you find it within yourself to put this behind you and focus on the good things that refraining from gambling have brought to your current life. You have read my recent posts and let me tell you that my recent mindless gambling episode started from wanting to win just a small amount of money. I did but I couldn't collect because I am a compulsive gambler with no control. My life is far worse because of this decision. If I could go back to the start of last week I would do anything to have that gift. To think that all I had to do was to ask my wife for a loan of thirty quid but instead went out and lost several hundred pounds is mental. No sane person thinking with a sane mind would come to this decision but we are not normal we are dealing with issues not just gambling but other problems in life. Help is there but we are always too proud to ask for it. That is one of the things I am going to try to change. If I need a small amount to get me through to payday then I must ask for it. Change will be hard but I must accept that I cannot always deal with it on my own with my own twisted thoughts leading to self destruction. Please, please if you need to go back to your sister for a small amount to see you over the line than that is what has to be done. You can make that up next month. You have worked hard at your recovery and should not be thinking about throwing this away. You have options my friend and I hope you think about them carefully. We are similar in so many ways and I think I understand how you are thinking but take me as a recent example of the type of mess one bet can lead to.

Tomso.

Hi Castle,

Thanks for your recent post on my diary, much appreciated.

Reading your recent post, you had some strong urges but you repelled them and posted your thoughts on your own diary, during times of trouble. I must congratulate you on your continued strength, you have come so far. Well done mate

Thanks everyone

Frustrating day yesterday , firstly wrote a mammoth post on my diary which took me a good hour and half to type on my phone , only then for work to ring me and the whole lot crashed and lost it all , then the weather was awful so couldn't do a lot with jess all day then her mom picked her up early evening , proceeded to watch a film called the lucky one and it ended up been a love story which saddened me with me own personal situation so by the end of that had enough and went to bed early , so overall a day not to remember

Was sensible with my bank card as went round to my sisters took a card went to the cash point got just what I needed to last me till pay day then gave it her straight back , I'm thinking though after 18 months should it really be this hard ?

Its been 5 weeks today since I paid the 45 pound for court fees for divorce and not heard a thing , so I'm goin to phone them today and find out what an earth is goin on its not doin me any good at all as much as I'm trying not to let it bother me in truth it infuriates me

All I'm doin at the moment is one day at a time and if honest its a real struggle , really lost my moJo at the moment all I can do is ride it out and stay each day gamble free

Its my choice only I can make it happen

Hi Castle,

I'm sorry 2 read that u r going thru a tough time. I hope things get sorted 4 u really soon. I know u will get thru this, cus I know how much fight and determination u have.

I'm always here 4 u 🙂

Have a good day and stay strong xx

Thanks charlotte

Phoned the solicitor yesterday morning no surprise he didn't answer so left a message to phone me back and again no surprise he didn't ! Got my ex to phone her solicitor up and found out from her that it was submitted to court on the 2nd of may , so at least some progress has been made , still can't let it stress me it will be over soon

Off to work now pick jess up straight after so another busy day which always helps

Sorry to hear you're feeling not yourself at the mo Castle but remember you have had and still going through a major upheaval in your life. Your bound to have frustrating, miserable days like this. Don't be hard on yourself, everything can change on a sixpence. It must be awful being stuck in this limbo waiting upon waiting for things to be finalised with the in actions of those greedy solicitors adding fuel to the fire. Yet despite all this you've practically abstained totally from gambling for 18 months, I can honestly tell you now that if I faced your circumstances then I couldn't be so strong, I'd still be gambling manically now. You should be proud of yourself. Furthermore throughout all this turmoil you've been like a rock to Jess, that takes some doing and shows what a decent person you are. You're in there still fighting, yes sometimes it's tough but you're not dodging it. I admire you for this.

I hope things change for you soon you deserve a few breaks.

Take care

Steve

Sorry to hear you're feeling not yourself at the mo Castle but remember you have had and still going through a major upheaval in your life. Your bound to have frustrating, miserable days like this. Don't be hard on yourself, everything can change on a sixpence. It must be awful being stuck in this limbo waiting upon waiting for things to be finalised with the in actions of those greedy solicitors adding fuel to the fire. Yet despite all this you've practically abstained totally from gambling for 18 months, I can honestly tell you now that if I faced your circumstances then I couldn't be so strong, I'd still be gambling manically now. You should be proud of yourself. Furthermore throughout all this turmoil you've been like a rock to Jess, that takes some doing and shows what a decent person you are. You're in there still fighting, yes sometimes it's tough but you're not dodging it. I admire you for this.

I hope things change for you soon you deserve a few breaks.

Take care

Steve

Yo,

Firstly thank you for your continued support . Xx

Sometimes like you I sit and wonder why is life such a never ending battle . Surely not everyone lives their life like this . But like you again just need to take it one step at a time . As addicts maybe it will always be like this . I recon as we slowly make the necessary changes in our lives that it may well become easier .

I like Steve admire you , you have had to cope with sooo much a lesser man would have completely crumbled .

Respect to you , my dear friend !

Shiny xxx

Thanks Steve and shiny

Its so easy to give advice with gambling but taking our own advice is the hardest seems were a lot harder on ourselves

Yesterday went well as planned busy busy so no thoughts of gambling and def no time to gamble

Pay day tomorrow and can chip away at my short term debt so impatient on that front just want it clear but know this is the best way to do it , glad loans are a no no as the temptation would be there to clear my cards , I av done that so many times in the past and got me nowhere

My brother in law asked me if I wanted a season ticket for football as he can get them really cheap said didn't need the money to July so I thought bout it and said yes now he says he needs the money now which I can afford realistically but dont want to part with it at this moment in time again thinkin bout my short term debt but it is a good deal so will just av to pay it

Still no return phone call from solicitor so still no idea how long and how much trying not to think bout it but not block it all out

The plan is to get through today and loads to do and thats all I can do some days

Hi Castle,

I hope u hear back from the solicitor soon, u deserve 2 be sooo happy. U r a gr8 guy. I hope Jessica is ok and keeping u busy 🙂

Stay strong, u have so much support here 🙂

Have a gr8 day xx

Thanks charlotte

Another day passed with no money wasted went to plan busy all day

Got a conference all day so sat on my b*m for bout 8 hours listening mainly , its nice to be out of store and meet up with all the other managers which no doubt will turn into a moaning session for most , not an ideal day for me like to be up and bout keeping busy but its a full day and will pass picking jess up after from one of her friends so should be another gamble free day passed

Still no phone call from solicitor , enough said on that matter

Castle,

Your solicitor is starting to drive me mad. How can a group of such intelligent individuals prove to be so useless and incompetent. It is so unfair that you have to endure this nonsense.

Stay strong my friend. There simply must be some development soon.

Tomso.

Castle,

I loved reading your recent post on my diary and thank you for the time and effort you put into it. We really are like two peas in a pod sometimes. i can relate to so much of what you say but the main thing that struck a chord with me was the only winning when we had somewhere to go. I had never really thought of it like that but as soon as I read your post I thought back to some of my biggest wins and they were all down to me having to leave to fulfill some other comittment. The biggest win I ever had happened when I was supposed to be going to B&Q to get something for the garden. I stopped off to play roulette and won big and when I think about it now the only reason I left was because I knew I had been away too long and still hadn't been to the shop yet. Sadly, I returned later that day and lost half my winnings only to lose the rest the next day. Usual story. The only way to win is to not play and I believe in this more now than I ever have.

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Tomso.