Reflection and appreciation for the journey

Brilliant poem mate around the serenity prayer and is absolutely perfect !!!! Love that

I can't believe how far you have come mate. From those first days and the worries you had. It's been an absolute privilege to follow your journey and I hope to carry on doing that for the rest of my life. We are friends and in fact you are one of my best friends now, even though we haven't met, your posts I have allowed me to get to know the real Jake. The person inside who is amazing.

I'm going to say connection. It's the opposite of isolation and also addiction. I always thought I was connected but every conversation was driven by, what I could get out of it, either at that point in time or working on future schemes. Now I am connected. I'm connected in so many ways. It's something to work on each day, talking and listening to people, noticing nature, paying attention to my thoughts and even my breath at certain points of the day. I was reminded of the old analogy of progress not perfection on Friday. I was walking to the station to go to a GA meeting. I had a mind full of good thoughts and not worry. As in walking along there was a guy cutting a magnificent bush on the boundary of his garden. He was using hand shears so it must have taken a long time. The top and sides were absolutely perfect and he was finishing the front. The bush wasnt green it was purple in colour. It looked amazing. As I was walking along I thought I must comment on the bush and tell him how amazing it looked. But I didn't. I don't know what fear other than acceptance came into my head but I didn't say a word. I know I need to keep working on recovery each day to flourish into the person I want to be. I will continue to do that one day at a time 

@lp5vut869c thank you Stuart, yeh it's a poem I resonate with a lot took a bit of faffing to get it flowing nicely however 😂😂 connection is also a huge part of my recovery and I have made some great friend on here you being one of them and the help and advice you gave me in my darkest days will never be forgotten though just encouraging and wisdom it gave me that small light at the end of the darkness to know there was an out. Connection is a huge part of recovery but for me I only look at acceptance and change as bigger in my picture because for so long in my life I refused to accept the things I can't change and tried to change the world and my wrongs, I now realise I can't change the past, I can't unhurt the people I've hurt and I can't change my actions gone.. but I can take a deep inward look at all the ugly unruly parts I can't accept in myself and start to change them bit by bit day by day until I can truly say I am the man I want to be not only on the inside but the outside too

Hi Jake

I think you are absolutely nailing it. Can't change the past and won't have a fulfilling future unless we work on today. How we grow today is from learning made in our past to not repeat the mistakes and reach the potential we once had. Kindness and love costs nothing. There are so many things for me to work on each day, take stock but I know by doing that there is a future for me. That future shows no picture of sitting on a chair in a bookmakers, laying on a couch watching bets run, numbing myself online with slots running over and over again and getting pain in my thumb for pressing the button, it doesn't involve lies to get funding, it doesn't involve the pain of losses and it doesn't involve wasting hours of my life every day.

What we do today, who we are today is the only thing that matters. I have to believe that every day I wake and know that it's one small step today to make amends for my past, it's one small step towards a happy future (one I know longer worry about or try to orchestrate) and one small step to be a better person for myself firstly and all around me 

@lp5vut869c that's exactly it, I have a version of me now I am content with that day at a time o find out new things and make small changes that make big shifts to how the world perceives me and I have a future I can look at and know I dont have to keep track of my web of lies or keep track of the bets or the watch as I isolate myself but instead know I'll immerse myself in society to better myself and do my best to help others

It's amazing the clarity in recovery once those numbers stop bouncing in your brain. Once you have time to think. Once you aren't being pulled by addiction. I find it an amazing to have this new road of self discovery and can resonate with everything you are saying mate.

Hi Jake and Stuart,

I have loved reading your chat this afternoon. I have taken note of your comments, to help me with my future, I want to take things slowly, by concentrating on one aspect at a time, so I don't burn out, become overwhelmed and stop aiming for perfection.  

Last week I focused on saying sorry, accepting my past, the terrible untruths told, my deception and so forth.  I went through the list slowly and have now put it in the past.  Boy has it helped.

For the next few weeks, I am focusing on complete honesty and not partaking in any form of gossip, because they are both flaws I have, which in turn gives me anxiety and depression. I have researched a lot into it this morning and looked at advice and steps to take.  A friend popped by this morning and she started to talk about her friend, who I kind of know, however I did not partake, or reply to any of her negative comments.  What I did do, was suggest how she could possibly help her friend instead. Also at no point in the conversation did I exaggerate anything.  I do feel proud now and look forward to my next challenge to be 100% honest.  I also want to be honest with my self by acknowledging when I do go wrong with this goal.

Hope you both have a lovely day.  Jake I love your poem! Screenshot it and Stuart I loved your quote this morning - I just am grateful I "have a glass'.

Kylie x

Hi Kylie

I realised a couple of months ago that I was always in other people's business. For a long time, I think I must have believed I could read minds and know what people were thinking. It's a challenge but I try now to have my own thoughts about myself. I don't worry about what other people are thinking and I don't try and manipulate their thinking to my way of thinking. 

The hardest part of recovery is accepting that others aren't perfect and aren't in recovery trying to be kind and loving. 

Hi Jake. Your poem sums up the ultimate truth and right attitude to handle our situation. Another beautiful piece of art. I am saving up your poems😃