I was determined to start 2014 with my bank statement showing no deposits to any gambling site. Prior to my slip up last week I had done four months without gambling.
I'm addicted to blackjack. I never win and I get the buzz from even losing. I deposit big and the thrill lasts seconds.
I'm starting a diary because I cannot stop thinking about gambling so I am hoping this diary will assist me in my road to recovery.
I am going to be honest and brutal on myself. I need to be strict. I'm not sure the gambling is the biggest problem, I think it's my lack of willpower and selfishness to only think about what I want.
Day 1. 14th Feb 2014
Hi Rumours.
One thing that I've discovered about my addiction over the last few months is that when I was gambling on casino games, I was as much addicted to losing as I was to winning. It sounds strange but I craved that buzz of losing it all only to recover again and then think "Wow, that was a close one..."
Don't give the bookies you're money. Take one day a time. Setting yourself targets can sometimes be counter productive. Good luck.
I agree, i gambled for the buzz the adrenaline, the thrill ! winning only meant the thrill could go on longer , But it ALWAYS ended in sadness despair depression, followed by anger and the realisation of what ive just done, how can i get through the rest of the month with f***l money and how the hell am i going to afford all these bills coming up! the neg feelings would eventually pass only for me to start the rollercoaster all over again! I personally think its insanity. Horrible illness. After my recent burn out even today im thinking, few drinks tonight maybe get that money back until the rational part of brain starts thinking, hold on a second, if i did win today i'd give it all back tomorrow or the day after! Us Compulsive cant stop. Things that have worked for me in past was short term get blocks in place k9 betfilter or whatever, also let someone else take control of your finances, and most importantluy get some counselling find out why you gamble, some like GA some like one to one, some online.
Why i get really low, i realise im only human we make mistakes (me a ***** lot more than your average Joe) but were not alone, thousands and thousands are going thgrough the same s**t and recovery is possible, if you want it , its there, and those that abstained, are all in a pretty good place. all the best.
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