Dear diary
day 29 GF, yesterday I went out, drank all day, went to the football and drank afterwards, my inhibitions were lowered but I DID NOT GAMBLE!!!
i feel so bloody proud of myself to be able to say that! Perhaps I had urges? But knowing I could not act on them made it so much easier to deal with!
so today I wake up with a sore head only, not an angry one because I’ve spent loads of money, not a tired one because I was in the casino until 06:00, and also I wake up with a clear conscience.
as I write all of this I allow myself to smile, that right there is pride coursing through me.
sometimes we have to write things down to realise just what we have achieved.
as I was in the cab home last night I made a point of texting my wife to tell her how proud I was of myself!
have a great day everyone, hopefully catch up with some of you on chat?
kram
Afternoon diary
interesting chat this afternoon between myself and @russ789.
we both had points of view on there being a cure for gambling addiction, it was constructive and good mannered.
it would be interesting to know peoples opinions on this.
i have also learned a lesson about myself and my influence in the gamcare community over the last few days, I thank you all for your kind words and will try to be more vocal and commuted to the community.
stay safe my lovelys
Kram
Good morning diary,
I feel a bit tired today following my weekend exploits, I am however very pleased to be on day 30 without gambling, and minimal thoughts or urges.
Following an interesting debate over the weekend I’ve been thinking about whether or not there is a cure for gambling addiction?
I agree that there is no miracle cure, and some addicts will never consider themselves cured (myself included!) , it did however lead me to remember a phrase that I’m sure most are familiar with.
“Prevention is better than cure”
We are in a luxury position where we as CG’s can prevent ourselves from gambling, whether this be using gamstop, gambling website blocking software or switching to banks that block gambling transactions.
So much like we use preventative maintenance on things such as our boilers and cars to avoid a heavy bill when they break down, we can apply the same approach to our own health with regards to gambling.
Don’t allow yourself to break down in hope that there is a cure, but apply the phrase above and think about your mental health and well being.
A car that breaks down can be costly but is replaceable or can be repaired, a human being is not replaceable and can sometimes push themselves beyond the point of repair.
Look after yourselves and put preventative measures in place should you need them.
Have a great Monday everyone
Kram
Hi diary
2 posts in a day! Wow!!!
today was a Monday that just kept getting better
it started feeling the effects of the weekend, but as they wore off I found myself enjoying my job, just as I always do, and feeling a real sense of happiness and contentment.
6 weeks ago feelings such as these were so far away from me I would never have believed they existed!
i slowly feel like I am returning to the person that endeared himself to many with his helpful and unselfish ways, a long way to go but it’s nice when you feel like you are repairing the cracks that gambling created in you
I am still yet to start any counselling, but feel ok for it
a phrase I have often said over the years but not applied to myself as much as I should
”it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice”
today I have had zero thoughts of gambling, and as a result I can cuddle my little girl tonight with my head held high.
today I feel good about myself, proud of who I am, and exited for what I could become.
Kram
A day of simple pleasures.
Day 31 GF, 9 days short of beating my previous record.
It has been a relatively straight forward day today but I’ve been looking forward to having this evening with my family, both my wife and my daughter, with my wife working evenings it can sometimes seem rare that we have an evening together, but does make them all the more special when they come around.
I was in the fortunate position where I could drive my truck past home this morning, I called my wife to let her know so her and my daughter were waiting on the pavement to wave as I went past, this was one of those moments that made my day before it had even started.
I really don’t think about gambling now, it’s mad to think that it was once the very first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning! I guess if anything it shows just how hard it grabs you and draws you in! Wake up thinking about what you lost the day before and instantly trying to get it back, we all know that this doesn’t work.
when you love and embrace those closest to you I believe that it works in circles, and goes to the age old saying that you only get out what you put in! Very much the opposite in gambling terms though, how ironic.
hope you’ve all had a tremendous Tuesday and that most importantly it has been gamble free.
Kram
Kram, just such a wonderful read. I am so happy for you. Glad we both succumbed to McDonald’s today ?
Merely a memory
I am only writing this as a reminder for myself and something that in years to come I hope to look back at and think wow!!
So, as boring as this may be to read, it’s relevant to me.
Normally my wife and I do our grocery shopping online, as we are both guilty of impulse buys, today my wife went to the supermarket for groceries as between us we didn’t think we would spend the required £40 for delivery, cue the phone call from my wife saying, “don’t ever let me go grocery shopping again, I ended up spending £70!”
Now normally this would have really angered me, mainly because I would have viewed it as £30 lost to feed my ridiculous addiction, however today I just laughed about it, said that it did not matter, and that every day is a school day.
It felt really good to not be in a position where I would perhaps try to make my wife feel guilty for spending what she did, in order to feed what was my secret addiction at the time, i dread to think how many times I may have done this in the past!
To be in a position to merely laugh it off was a welcome relief, not just for me, but I’m sure for my wife too.
A confession
Since committing to my gamble free life I have done many positive things to aid my recovery.
Without doing all the above I would not have come this far, however today I realised that I’ve been applying willpower too, and I’m going to credit myself for that (sorry).
Throughout my GF journey I could have visited any number of high street bookmakers in any of the cities I visit and/or drive past each and every day, but I have CHOSEN not to visit them.
Throughout my GF journey I could have gone to any shop in the land and bought any amount of scratch cards and/or lottery tickets that I chose, but I have CHOSEN not to do so
Whilst some may say that the game I am playing is risky, I am using it as an opportunity to prove to myself that I have more strength within than I once believed, and can continue to do so knowing that I have a fantastic support network around me, should I falter.
I am very proud of what I have achieved so far, and at this moment in time I really have zero desire to gamble, odd considering that I had done it for 20 years beforehand, but I guess old habits can change, and sometimes sooner than we expect.
There is no magic formula or cure to beating gambling addiction, you just have to try certain things until you find what works best for yourself.
And at this moment in time, the way in which I’m dealing with my recovery, is working just fine for me.
Kram
Dude, why would you share how you know how you can gamble online but choose not to. Some of us aren't as strong as you are.
Dude, why would you share how you know how you can gamble online but choose not to. Some of us aren't as strong as you are.
Sorry drama, it’s not meant to offend or upset anyone, but is about me recognising my achievements, through my diary, and I’m highlighting that we are all capable of making our own choices.
I truly am sorry, but when it is my journey I’m on I can’t be thinking too much about how what I may say could trigger or hinder someone else’s, there are many things written on here that could have triggered me, but I’ve not allowed them too.
Dude, why would you share how you know how you can gamble online but choose not to. Some of us aren't as strong as you are.
Sorry drama, it’s not meant to offend or upset anyone, but is about me recognising my achievements, through my diary, and I’m highlighting that we are all capable of making our own choices.
I truly am sorry, but when it is my journey I’m on I can’t be thinking too much about how what I may say could trigger or hinder someone else’s, there are many things written on here that could have triggered me, but I’ve not allowed them too.
I really try very hard to keep amounts, payment methods and places I've visited out of my diary.
I am not perfect by any stretch. I make alot of mistakes but I really try hard not to tell other people how to get around their barriers because to me barriers are everything.
This is your journal but it's public. We can all see it and you helped me find a way around my barriers. I am not happy about that and I will not lie about it. This is the only place I am honest.
I am glad you are gamble free and that your willpower is strong. That is important to me. Very important. You helped me so much when I was really very weak. You can't even begin to know. I reckon that's why I'm so angry mad now.
D.
Dude, why would you share how you know how you can gamble online but choose not to. Some of us aren't as strong as you are.
Sorry drama, it’s not meant to offend or upset anyone, but is about me recognising my achievements, through my diary, and I’m highlighting that we are all capable of making our own choices.
I truly am sorry, but when it is my journey I’m on I can’t be thinking too much about how what I may say could trigger or hinder someone else’s, there are many things written on here that could have triggered me, but I’ve not allowed them too.
I really try very hard to keep amounts, payment methods and places I've visited out of my diary.
I am not perfect by any stretch. I make alot of mistakes but I really try hard not to tell other people how to get around their barriers because to me barriers are everything.
This is your journal but it's public. We can all see it and you helped me find a way around my barriers. I am not happy about that and I will not lie about it. This is the only place I am honest.
I am glad you are gamble free and that your willpower is strong. That is important to me. Very important. You helped me so much when I was really very weak. You can't even begin to know. I reckon that's why I'm so angry mad now.
D.
Drama
There are many things I could say right now, but I will choose not to.
I will come back online next Thursday when I hit day 40 on my GF journey, I sincerely hope to see that you are still that one day ahead of me.
Kram
Thank-you for your comment on my diary. I am ever so glad you are still talking to me. We are stronger together.
I am very happy.
Drama x
Hey Kram,
as promised, ive read your piece on preventative measures, i totally agree that recovery requires a proactive approach to ensure success. Well done on your gamble free days, keep being preventative, whatever that looks lie for you.
TOHOT 🙂
Hey Kram,
as promised, ive read your piece on preventative measures, i totally agree that recovery requires a proactive approach to ensure success. Well done on your gamble free days, keep being preventative, whatever that looks lie for you.
TOHOT 🙂
Bless you TOHOT, very nice of you to take the time to read it.
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