This is self harming without scars

Well done on 40 gamble free day's. Good to see thing's are much calmer for you
All the best

Feeling good today. Productive week. Looking forward to the weekend. Gambling thoughts few and far between. Been very busy. The test comes when things settle down. Had £40 taken out of my account for a subscription service yesterday. Not gambling related. Taken a day early so I couldn't cancel in time. The fury I get when such things happen and I won't let it go until they refund it. I'm like this with anything and then throw thousands at gambling. Makes no sense, but I'm fully aware it has me beaten and I cannot and will not dable with it again. Cannot win because I cannot stop.

Lots of gambling thoughts over the weekend. None acted upon. Alcohol consumption also high. I think there's a massive connection. Also feel low. Back on the wagon tomorrow.

Productive day. Tired from work. No gambling. A bit fed up. Day 47 nearly over

Day 50 tomorrow. Half century not out. mixture of up and down feelings. But positive today.

Happy 50

Had a nice productive weekend. The positive feelings are returning. I'm positive about the future. Still can't forget the lost money but it's getting easier as the days go buy. Just wished I'd stopped this sooner. Although I realise it's not really going to stop for an addict until it explodes dramatically. I took myself to the brink of losing everything. It's going to be a hard fight to win and get back and probably start the life I want but I'm ready for it. The thoughts of gambling are still there but I'm not going to be acting on them. Onwards and upwards.

Had lots of gambling thoughts and urges over the last few days. The mess I've made of my life to this point is all down to gambling. How can the urges still seem like a good idea. It's addiction and it's crazy! Got to keep fighting them.

9 weeks tomorrow. The gambling urges have been strong for the last week or so. Haven't acted on them but they've been frequent. Today I had a panic attack while working. I thought it was a panic attack but also thought it could be a heart attack. It lasted for a while. This was brought on by working too hard and stress. I'm certain all related to gambling. I was trying tonrationalise it and promised never to add to these feelings by gambling anymore. Money will come again and I need to address my relationship with it. Health cannot be taken for granted. I will not negatively impact my mental and physical health anymore. Today I choose to become a better person and start to give back to loved ones. It's been a long hard 9 weeks, but the positive changes are there to be seen. I cannot undo this hard work with another bet. The different person I become when gambling is polar opposite from the me without gambling.

Day 73. Been very anxious for the last couple of weeks. Working too hard. Got lots organised and hopefully a more relaxing week ahead. Still no gambling, everyday it stays like that should be easier. Still getting urges but less frequent. And thinking about situations I've gambled in the past when in the same environment like place, or restaurant in the past feels like a different me. I think and hopefully I'm right that I hit my rock bottom. I don't think it's all about money hitting rock bottom, I think it's when enough damage is done inside of us that we have to and want to change. One day at a time. Important to check in regularly on here as well. I don't always post but do read.

Positive day today. Self respect higher due to not gambling. Only 11 weeks since my last bet. The destructive 12-18mth I put myself through were crazy. If I place another bet then I could and probably would end up back there. Not worth the risk. The last 12-18mths were bad but it's been going on for 15-20 yrs. I've missed out so much on life, not only financially but emotionally. There's no reasoning for it. I now accept there's a issue within my brain that doesn't respond well to gambling. Therefore I cannot engage in it again. And now I will become the better person I can be. Starting to think about others first and take responsibility. Starting to feel a little excited about life. Running shoes will be dusted off for the first run of the winter and the start of the new me. I'm going to treat myself to life.

Hi ND,

Thanks for your kind post on my diary...did we manage to quit on the same day - I think yesterday was also my 77th day without a bet. Anyway, glad to read you are feeling positive and starting to get those trickling ideas about the positive aspects of life without gambling. I know that it is just the same for me - and that issue in my brain that responds to gambling turns the rest of me into a machine that doesn't reason or respond logically to it.

Anyway, I hope you have a good weekend, and that you keep taking those good forward steps on the way to recovery.

Ryan

Still no gambling. A few urges but still choosing the right path for me. Been a hard 80 days so far, feel like I've taken control of my life again and worked hard to get things in order. Tomorrow will see the positive changes to my lifestyle, less alcohol & stress and more good times. Exercise, better diet and hopefully make me feel much better about myself. Got some solid plans for the foreseeable future and now it's time to hit them! What a difference not be actively gambling makes. Good luck boys and girls. And f**k you bookies

The big 100'days on Saturday. Still not given into mr g.

100 club tomorrow. It's been a long tough 100 days, but I've given myself some mental clarity during this time. Anxiety is high, possibly higher than its ever been except whilst active in gambling episodes. Tomorrow I plan to focus on the next 100 days to improve my well being. Running to get fit, eating better and relaxing more. Still need to fight the urges that come but know I need to give Myself some rest. So hopefully the good feelings become more frequent, the anxiety lessons and life's more enjoyable. It's all there for the taking and enjoying if only I battle the demons that I've let manifested for far too long. Enjoy the weekend folks, and choose you over gambling.