This is self harming without scars

I received a phone call from 21 bet yesterday. I assumed it was to query potential fraud activity. I've never had an account with them. It soon Became clear It was a cold call trying to get me to sign up and offering a bonus. I declined and then received a text message outlining the offer. Has anybody else received these types of calls before? It was a first for me. Anyway still no gambling, feeling pretty low at the moment. Worked out my finances today and owe a little more than I thought. Made some plans for the next year moving forward with some financial projections. This helped lift my mood slightly. Still devastating to realise in a years time I could be back to a similar amount of savings that I had 18 months ago. All that work for nothing. The running starts tomorrow, need to get positive and grow the business again. Profits have tailed off. All this together is a constant issue running around my head. Onwards and upwards. Thoughts of gambling have been strong over the last few days.

I've booked a nice treat for the end October. It should be when I'm back in the black! Something to focus on short term.

Hi new day,

Thank you for your post, it's really appreciated.

Yes, choosing life is what we need to keep doing. Gambling wrecks dreams and opportunities. Once we start, we cannot stop...it's just the mind of the addict huh...it's not exactly straightforward to understand our actions we make.

Anyway, i am pleased to see you marching on and looking ahead. Nice treat always does good to us...keep it in front of your mind - your life comes first & your life is recovery.

Take care ☺

S x

Forced my self to organise all the things I've let slip while gambling the months and finances away this weekend. Boring but needed to be done. Forced my self to go for a run today. Feeling pretty low but I'm going to keep pushing myself to do positive things. Not going to feel better by feeling sorry for myself. Run, abstain repair the brain to a more positive one and then conquer the world. One day at a time. Starting with eating the huge roast I've got cooking in the oven. I hope Mr G is panicking about where his future income is coming from. Because it won't be from me.

Just read through my whole diary. Struggling at the moment, depressed I think. No gambling still and now going to focus on no alcohol either, need to keep my concentration, determination and thought process balanced. I'm sure the drinking is contributing to the anxiety and feeling low. Keep these two at bay and hopefully the positive mindset can return. No alcohol today. Hopefully a good sleep for a tired mind.

Keep going mate the fact that even in your slightly down frame of mind your still seeking a positive approach and trying to push through speaks volumes about your determination! Sometimes we have boring stuff to take care of or address certain things we let slide but it's got to be done and it's another step in the right direction just remember and don't try and rush things. Keep up the good work it's nice to read and I wish you continued success on the road ahead 🙂

Good skills recognising that alcohol is a substitute for the gambling...Addiction has allowed you to hide from these lows for a while, learning how to face them head on is recovery!

Keep forcing yourself to do stuff that needs doing as well as making time to exercise (have you looked up parkrun? Bit of shadow boxing with our ex?)...Everything will help with the sleeping & the more alert you are, the more you will be able to push forwards - ODAAT

Hi I am just over 150 days suffered severe ups & downs like you. I don't know what your recovery story is gonna be like but keep fighting this f***ker will get back into your head and ruin everything if you let it. Keep fighting

Thanks for the support and suggestions. Ill keep fighting. Another day without a bet and a drink. Feeling a bit more relaxed with things.

Thanks for the drop by ND and your kind comments , keep pushing through and raising that day count :))

Best wishes Alan

Struggling Today. Rubbish day where everything seemed to go wrong. Succumbed to a bottle of wine, better than gambling I assume. Need to find another release of the anger I'm carrying

Having an actioned packed weekend with the nipper. It's amazing how the value of money has no relevance when I'm actively gambling. The small bets I don't think really matter could pay for this 2-3 times over. Mix that with the big ones...... Obviously to somebody like me who's so fixed on value for money and disciplined in every way with it accept gambling, there's no real explanation for it. What a life it'll be without gambling, what a different life it should be had I not fell for it 20 yrs ago. What could it be like in 20 yrs was their it from now. I hope to find out. Small steps, and improve every day. I'm fairly certain the kind ex money drainer is going to treat us to some ice cream now. Choose life

And mix all that in with the odd thought of football odds and you have a headache. I won't give in though. Not this time.

A nice relaxing weekend without gambling. Anxiety starting to increase now as always as its time to return the child to her mother. I hate leaving her. However I've done this trip countless times in the past with the added stress of losing a stack of money gambling. This time I'll suppress it with plans on how to better out future. And the suns shining...

Day 40. Positive feelings starting to be more frequent. The odd thought of gambling still drops into my thoughts though. I think I'm starting to accept the losses and that'll help. The biggest loss is the time I spent on gambling when I get totally caught up in it. When not gambling life's so much calmer. And NORMAL. Onwards and upwards