Today is the day I stop killing myself.

good morning

welcome to the forum,a place where you will find a wealth of help support and some fantastic advice.All from like minded folk who all share the common goal that is they want to rid their own lives of the destruction that is their compulsion to gamble.

When I gambled all rational thoughts were left behind,I became over the twenty years I gambled an outsider,if I wasn't gambling I was formulating either how to fund the next punt or what ridiculous lie I was going to spin to try and overcome the last bout of loss.

The walk of shame became my routine every time I entered the bookies,my own form of gambling,I simply lived by a mantra

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

toward the end of my gambling life the stakes had risen to uncontrollable levels,in fact I was one day from losing all I hold dear.

Gambling broke me,beat me up,I lost.

Today I can admit that with pride,today there is no shame in admitting I am an addict.

The shame would come if I threw away what I have today,that is a better life,no more sleepless nights,no more self loathing and the destruction that gambling,my compulsion to gamble brought.

Yes the shi##t is still there from my gambling life,I have the chance to deal with it,yes bad days come but I deal with them.

Take all the help you can get,there is a wealth of it out there.

One day at a time you gift yourself life,a life without self made destruction.

I hope the forum is as much help to you as it is to me.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi loath

Welcome aboard

Very well done for coming on here realising you have a problem with gambling

You will get plenty of support on here as you are not on your own

We are all here to STOP gambling our money and our lives away

I wish you all the success of your new journey which is to abstain from gambling

Best wishes Suzanne x

Day 2

Duncs

Manty Thanks for taking the time to post. I can really relate to your comments "toward the end of my gambling life the stakes had risen to uncontrollable levels,in fact I was one day from losing all I hold dear.Gambling broke me,beat me up,I lost."

The same as you and others on this forum I cannot continue this gambling illness anymore.

I managed to find the courage today to add up all my current debts. I went bancrupt in 2010 from gambling debts so you would not think I could get credit again but I did manage take out more bad loans and borrow more off family and friends with lies to feed my addiction.

My current debts total approx 12,500.

Family & Friends 6,500

Payday Loans 3,500

Bank overdraft 1,200

Credit Cards 1,300

It transpires I have lost 7,000 in the last 4 weeks online which horrifed me. I now have to try to negotiate repayment plans with my creditors at the end of the month. God help the phone calls and everything else that comes with defaulting.

I will hopefully see this debt decrease in my diary entries and I see this as an important part of my recovery as it is a painful reminder of the damage gambling causes.

If I can keep my job I can be debt free in 2 years. My house was lost years ago due to gambling.

I have taken long walks over the last 2 days which have helped me do a lot of thinking.

I wish I could turn the clock back 10 years.

Day 3

I am having a lot of urges to gamble with the World Cup starting on Thursday but I have so far resisited. The TV and radio are saturated with gambling ads. I used to fund my sports betting with the roulette wheel. What a recipie for disaster that was. My latest losses still feel so raw. I am never going back down that road. Never.

Day 5

Have not gambled in 5 days. Have been told to lose weight by GP. Along with reducing my debt I will start to focus on improving my health I will use this diary to record my progress.Current weight as per doctors scales 15 - 8 ideal 12 -5. Since gambling has taken me over I have negleted myself badly. I need to fill the void with other things. I wish you all well in your recovery. God bless.

Hi good luck with your recovery don't be so hard on yourself its a nightmare to get to the point where you realise have a gambling addiction.

Day 8

Still not gambled but the urge is stronger than ever as I am so anxious about my impending financial probelms at the end of the month. I can imagine my creditors ringing my employer and getting me sacked. I think this is a real possibility as I work in an office with no privacy and I know they will hound me. Having all this debt hugely increases my stress levels and urge to gamble thinking that one last gamble could solve these problems but I know I must not do it as I cannot stop. So worried about what the next few months will bring. Wish me luck.

Hi Loathsomeone - Sorry to read that you are so worried about your finances. But sometimes the fear of something is far worse than the reality. Is there something you can do to pre-empt the scenario you envisage in the office? E.g. arranging a debt-repayment plan which will be up and running before there is any chance of your being hounded?

May I suggest you have a look at the post "Financial Advice Needed" by D70 - it's on page 2 of the 'Overcoming problem gambling' forum. D70 was very worried about debt and people were able to give him some very good advice. I hope things sort themselves out so you can concentrate on your health too which is so important.

Best wishes,

Joanna