very sad times

Welcome back MBA you can do this, not easy but at least you know you can do it.

Mark,

I have written this before here,it had a profound effect on my own recovery the day it was brought to the table in the GA room,the room in the fair city we both share,its in gamble road, Buckland on a Thursday at 7.30pm.

So a fella Taff asks a new member of the meeting who appears to be unable to see past his next punt,even though he like everyone else in the room has for a great length of time repeated the same action and expected the outcome to somehow change.

'You love your kids ?'

The answer animated "of course"

"How much?"

"Angrily well they are everything, I do everything for them, anything to gift them what they deserve in life!!"

"Well I see it like this, however much the next wager you have is the value of the love of your kids,so however much you wage,a pound in a fruit machine or a milion on a horse that is in fact how much you love your kids"

The fella got all aggressive, threw a stare, banged the table at such indignance. How dare you question the love I have for my children!

Taff calmly sat and replied "I had a wife, three beautiful children and I gambled to the point where I lost not only their respect, but their love,they left because they could not take another lie,another broken promise to fix things,another promise that there would be no more gambling, they left ultimately because I loved gambling more. I often sit in this room and see the same path being trodden,I am sharing my pain,my story in the hope that it doesn't happen to you. So I will say one last time, when you think about having that next punt make sure the stake equals the value of what you stand to lose, because it could be the last punt for you before your family walk"

The room fell silent, because I believe that everyone shared the pain etched across Taff's face,everyone knew that it could have been them,some like me sat humbled by the fact that I had arrested my addiction before that day.

I am one punt from losing my family, I always will be.

Would it be worth it?

For me no punt at any odds is worth risking upon what I could stand to lose.

Fella you have been here before.

I will ask does your wife know? Or have you been secretly spending the last week trying to punt your way out of debt?

If so has inevitably that debt grown.

Time to confess,time to hand all financial control over to your wife?

I have no shame in the fact I did that,it didn't make me a weaker person.

I gambled to within a day of having our family home repossessed, I secretly did that,I lied cheated, stole to try and cover up for the depth I had become committed to gambling.

I hurt my wife a great deal,emotionally I broke her, the lies,pretending that everything was ok was for her worse than the financial loss.

Her unconditional love granted me the opportunity to reciprocate the same love back in return.

I will be forever thankful for that.

Nothing will change Mark if nothing changes.

You may arrest addiction until the coast is clear,the waters have calmed down and if you haven't sort change addiction will dominate your life again, it is a fact.

I like you are potentially one punt from total destruction, the days of abstinence count for little if they result in active gambling, in fact I through experience would say that addiction is progressive, it demands to be fed higher stakes every time, to make up for lost time?

My advice.

Be honest with your wife,no lies, no deciept ask for her help.

Self exclude from every avenue that offers you the opportunity.

Hand over total financial control.

Speak to everyone you owe,have debt with and make repayment schedules that you can afford to make.

Leave nothing for addiction to feed off of.

Gift yourself your life, a life without lies, a life to cherish with those two girls and your wife.

You know where to find me, you have my email

I stand by your side,fella there is an answer

With honesty it won't be found in a punt.

If you find my writing harsh, blunt and without sympathy my friend you have it wrong

I wish nothing but to help, it's there,it's unconditional.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Fantastic post Duncan powerful stuff. Take this advice on board, come on you can do this! I wish you well in the road ahead

Hi mark, back again like me, but i am here to say duncan mac's post must really help you, he is really trying here for you. I think at your stage with the debt creeping up you must listen to him, hang in there mate

duncanmac wrote:

Mark,

I have written this before here,it had a profound effect on my own recovery the day it was brought to the table in the GA room,the room in the fair city we both share,its in gamble road, Buckland on a Thursday at 7.30pm.

So a fella Taff asks a new member of the meeting who appears to be unable to see past his next punt,even though he like everyone else in the room has for a great length of time repeated the same action and expected the outcome to somehow change.

'You love your kids ?'

The answer animated "of course"

"How much?"

"Angrily well they are everything, I do everything for them, anything to gift them what they deserve in life!!"

"Well I see it like this, however much the next wager you have is the value of the love of your kids,so however much you wage,a pound in a fruit machine or a milion on a horse that is in fact how much you love your kids"

The fella got all aggressive, threw a stare, banged the table at such indignance. How dare you question the love I have for my children!

Taff calmly sat and replied "I had a wife, three beautiful children and I gambled to the point where I lost not only their respect, but their love,they left because they could not take another lie,another broken promise to fix things,another promise that there would be no more gambling, they left ultimately because I loved gambling more. I often sit in this room and see the same path being trodden,I am sharing my pain,my story in the hope that it doesn't happen to you. So I will say one last time, when you think about having that next punt make sure the stake equals the value of what you stand to lose, because it could be the last punt for you before your family walk"

The room fell silent, because I believe that everyone shared the pain etched across Taff's face,everyone knew that it could have been them,some like me sat humbled by the fact that I had arrested my addiction before that day.

I am one punt from losing my family, I always will be.

Would it be worth it?

For me no punt at any odds is worth risking upon what I could stand to lose.

Fella you have been here before.

I will ask does your wife know? Or have you been secretly spending the last week trying to punt your way out of debt?

If so has inevitably that debt grown.

Time to confess,time to hand all financial control over to your wife?

I have no shame in the fact I did that,it didn't make me a weaker person.

I gambled to within a day of having our family home repossessed, I secretly did that,I lied cheated, stole to try and cover up for the depth I had become committed to gambling.

I hurt my wife a great deal,emotionally I broke her, the lies,pretending that everything was ok was for her worse than the financial loss.

Her unconditional love granted me the opportunity to reciprocate the same love back in return.

I will be forever thankful for that.

Nothing will change Mark if nothing changes.

You may arrest addiction until the coast is clear,the waters have calmed down and if you haven't sort change addiction will dominate your life again, it is a fact.

I like you are potentially one punt from total destruction, the days of abstinence count for little if they result in active gambling, in fact I through experience would say that addiction is progressive, it demands to be fed higher stakes every time, to make up for lost time?

My advice.

Be honest with your wife,no lies, no deciept ask for her help.

Self exclude from every avenue that offers you the opportunity.

Hand over total financial control.

Speak to everyone you owe,have debt with and make repayment schedules that you can afford to make.

Leave nothing for addiction to feed off of.

Gift yourself your life, a life without lies, a life to cherish with those two girls and your wife.

You know where to find me, you have my email

I stand by your side,fella there is an answer

With honesty it won't be found in a punt.

If you find my writing harsh, blunt and without sympathy my friend you have it wrong

I wish nothing but to help, it's there,it's unconditional.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Well that hit the nail on the head dunc and its brought a tear to my eye.

I just cant tell my wife i failed again as i really dont know if we will get through it. What do i do??

If i tell her i could lose everything but if i leave it and she finds out, again i could lose everything.

So you believe i will abstain for a few weeks or months and when its all settled i will do it all again....if i dont make any changes.?

I must admit that has been my pattern for the last 2 years and its killing me.
lately ive been Waking up worried and sweating at night and not sleeping.

I need to accept what ive done before i make any changes and i think its safe to say at the moment i wont be going back to gambling.

Mba

That doesn't address you making the fundamental changes, doing recovery differently this time.

"I can't tell her, she'll go?" She might, but at the moment you're living the lie. But are you really sure that's the only reason for keeping quiet? Because possibly there's an unacknowledged thought: "If I tell her, I'm closing a big door to gambling."

Amid all complaints, protests and alleged bitterness, (the allegations are probably well founded), I stayed. Because Himself demonstrated in an action-not-words sort of a way a fundamental commitment to change. Even if he does remain one bet away from disaster. And it's not plain sailing.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Hope you do choose real and effective and honest recovery.

Wish you well.

CW

mba, I wish you well on your recovery. You are back here so wanting to change, seems like wise words from cynical wife and Duncanmac. I actually think that post from Duncanmac should be pinned as it is so powerful and I thank him personally for that.

Good luck mate. x

Thanks CW.

I understand you have been/are in my wifes position.

I feel in the past i didn't want to close the door to gambling but believe me i do now.

This may be because when you have lost and are attempting to stop its easy to not gamble for a while as dunc says....then when the dust settles a small bet wont hurt then is starts again.

I will tell her i have decided but i need to make sure the time is right or at least not the wrong time.

It Would be interesting to hear your story, CW, i will see if you have a diary or any other posts.

I will get through this this time

Mba

Thanks firststep.

Too true about duncanmac.

One thing we all need is to hear things to the point and blunt. It definitely gets me thinking more.

The amount of advice dunc has given me yet i still fail to stay away from gambling. Its not only myself and my family im letting down its you guys.

Im sitting here with my little girl now watching minions.

This is what lifes all about....

Mba

I was the Person Taff was talking to (not literally) I lost the wife and kids but would still tell all when I did only regret is I didn't do it sooner. They made the choice to live there life in the family home without me but I have them that as an option through my choices. I have quality time with my son now

Lots of people on here have confessed and are still together no guarantees but keep going how you are and in time you won't be able to influence the decision by doing the right thing.

KTF

duncanmac wrote:

Mark,

I have written this before here,it had a profound effect on my own recovery the day it was brought to the table in the GA room,the room in the fair city we both share,its in gamble road, Buckland on a Thursday at 7.30pm.

So a fella Taff asks a new member of the meeting who appears to be unable to see past his next punt,even though he like everyone else in the room has for a great length of time repeated the same action and expected the outcome to somehow change.

'You love your kids ?'

The answer animated "of course"

"How much?"

"Angrily well they are everything, I do everything for them, anything to gift them what they deserve in life!!"

"Well I see it like this, however much the next wager you have is the value of the love of your kids,so however much you wage,a pound in a fruit machine or a milion on a horse that is in fact how much you love your kids"

The fella got all aggressive, threw a stare, banged the table at such indignance. How dare you question the love I have for my children!

Taff calmly sat and replied "I had a wife, three beautiful children and I gambled to the point where I lost not only their respect, but their love,they left because they could not take another lie,another broken promise to fix things,another promise that there would be no more gambling, they left ultimately because I loved gambling more. I often sit in this room and see the same path being trodden,I am sharing my pain,my story in the hope that it doesn't happen to you. So I will say one last time, when you think about having that next punt make sure the stake equals the value of what you stand to lose, because it could be the last punt for you before your family walk"

The room fell silent, because I believe that everyone shared the pain etched across Taff's face,everyone knew that it could have been them,some like me sat humbled by the fact that I had arrested my addiction before that day.

I am one punt from losing my family, I always will be.

Would it be worth it?

For me no punt at any odds is worth risking upon what I could stand to lose.

Fella you have been here before.

I will ask does your wife know? Or have you been secretly spending the last week trying to punt your way out of debt?

If so has inevitably that debt grown.

Time to confess,time to hand all financial control over to your wife?

I have no shame in the fact I did that,it didn't make me a weaker person.

I gambled to within a day of having our family home repossessed, I secretly did that,I lied cheated, stole to try and cover up for the depth I had become committed to gambling.

I hurt my wife a great deal,emotionally I broke her, the lies,pretending that everything was ok was for her worse than the financial loss.

Her unconditional love granted me the opportunity to reciprocate the same love back in return.

I will be forever thankful for that.

Nothing will change Mark if nothing changes.

You may arrest addiction until the coast is clear,the waters have calmed down and if you haven't sort change addiction will dominate your life again, it is a fact.

I like you are potentially one punt from total destruction, the days of abstinence count for little if they result in active gambling, in fact I through experience would say that addiction is progressive, it demands to be fed higher stakes every time, to make up for lost time?

My advice.

Be honest with your wife,no lies, no deciept ask for her help.

Self exclude from every avenue that offers you the opportunity.

Hand over total financial control.

Speak to everyone you owe,have debt with and make repayment schedules that you can afford to make.

Leave nothing for addiction to feed off of.

Gift yourself your life, a life without lies, a life to cherish with those two girls and your wife.

You know where to find me, you have my email

I stand by your side,fella there is an answer

With honesty it won't be found in a punt.

If you find my writing harsh, blunt and without sympathy my friend you have it wrong

I wish nothing but to help, it's there,it's unconditional.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

All I can say is brilliantly written and thank you so much for doing so. Great powerful piece that I really relate to.... I wasn't going to read anything today before my weekend away, however it must have been fate. Thanks for posting......

MBA sorry to hear about your troubles. Start all over again and come back fighting. Learn from your mistakes. All the best.

MBA,

Just to add. Last year my gambling was snow balling. I couldn't stop because I was in so much debt. So I chased and chased, stakes increasing all the time. Got me no where my friend only deeper into debt. I reached my "rock bottom" but in a way it had to happen this way, because I knew the pain of my rock-bottom was far-far worse than any bet that had lost and any lie I had told. It was time for me to change, probably because my mind body and soul never wanted to experience anything like that again, especially when it is self-inflicted. Hope you understand.

Wishing you all the best. Shep

Hi, again,

re timing, if you're choosing real honest effective recovery, it is time to tell as part of you doing what needs to be done.

Otherwise the same old will carry on indefinitely whilst you wait for the "right" time to tell her. It's a bit like tomorrow. Or Godot.

BW,

CW

mba. you are suffering. I am with you sharing that pain, not gonna offer any better or different advice from Duncan, but keeping on here is helping me. it gives me somewhere to vent and spout, seek solace, seek redemption, cry, ask why, stick around on here, you will get good support.