Hello all! Get ready for a long one...
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So as the title says, yesterday was the day I came clean to my family about my struggles with gambling - my issue is that I have zero interest in gambling unless I have alcohol, but if I do drink I can spend hundreds in one night and nobody knows.
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This happened again two nights ago, I haven't been drinking for a little while but family got me some alcohol for Christmas and it had been sat in the house, my partner went to bed and I thought 'why not', anyway I lost £500 gambling online, I cannot understand why I'm programmed to do it every time!
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This has been a pattern for the past maybe two years, I've got myself into around 4k of a debt - another thing I had to come clean about also.
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I was WFH yesterday and after speaking to one client on the phone I just absolutely snapped, my partner was upstairs so I went to my local kids park in the snow and broke down on a park bench - I called my mum in floods of tears, I don't think she could even understand me but I just kind of blurted everything out to her, she then called my partner (with my permission) and told him the state I was in - I was a wreck. He called me three times but I couldn't pick up, knowing he knew (not the debt at this point), I was terrified but when I did answer, he could hear how much I was having a panic attack and was ultimately just worried for my safety.
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He managed to talk me in to coming home and then we talked, a lot. He said the thing he is more annoyed about is the fact that I've hid it all for so long and the fact that I got into debt because of it - I just could never bring myself to say it out loud before. Going forward, he wants to be able to check my bank account as and when and we have agreed that I will not be drinking alcohol at all - he does understand that without alcohol I would never gamble and I really do mean that, I've never placed a bet sober. He doesn't drink anymore so there will never be alcohol in the house anyway and now everyone knows what's been going on, no one will ever say "ooh go on, have a few!" like they usually do.
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Last night I managed to sleep for the first time in nearly two days, this morning I have a much clearer head - tomorrow he wants to know every debt payment I have (i actually look after our finances believe it or not! Because without drink I'm actually really responsible 🫠), but I'm so grateful that he is sticking by me - he said he knew I had not been myself for some time, but couldn't put his finger on exactly why.
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I feel absolutely awful that I've been such a liar and done the things I've done, but I feel free now and there's nothing left for me to hide - the thought of reaching out is a lot scarier than actually doing so, in my experience.
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Here's to rest of my life 🙂
Hi mate.
I am so sorry to hear about you breaking down,but sometimes it is the thing we need to happen for finally come clean and get support and help managing this horrible addiction. It is so nice to hear that you partner has been so understanding and supportive. The best thing you can do is go on GAMBAN and GAMSTOP, with all accounts blocked it will make temptation alot less if you ever have the urge to lapse,as unfortunatley will all do.
I wish you all the best , just remember one day at a time.
Hi @lowen,Â
Well done for coming clean to your loved ones. That is a great step to make, and I'm sure, even if you feel guilty of the lies before, you probably now have a huge weight lifted from your shoulders now that everything is out in the open.Â
It's interesting that you say you will never gamble sober. Maybe there is some kind of link there to alcohol releasing inhibitions, which in turn makes you gamble. It could be interesting to explore that further, but I agree that removing alcohol could be a good decision if you feel it is the culprit that leads to you gambling.Â
It sounds like you are taking the correct steps to make changes so you don't gamble again, so putting blockers in place is a good idea and if you need help with debt management, GamCare can offer services that will be able to help you with that.Â
Just remember you are not alone, there is a wide range of help and support out there for you.Â
Kind Regards,Â
JadeÂ
Hi Lowen
How are you getting on now ? Just read your story and it's fascinating that you only gambled with a drink. Are you still gamble free ?
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