So it has been one week since my husband last gambled or drank, and as far as I can tell he is telling the truth. He has contacted a charity who offer counselling and they have phoned him and hopefully will be back in touch soon. he has also cut down on smoking to try and dave some money, we are pretty broke. I have been feeling like I would like to separate for a while, but we have a 2 nearl;y 3 year old boy and a baby on the way, and he provides child care 3 days a week while I am at work. he couldn;t afford his own place, his only option would be to deleare himself homeless.
I feel like a bomb has gone off in my life, and if I express my anger to him too often he will become more more stressed and is likely to relapse! I ahve confided in 2 friends which ahs been helpful. At the same time I feel like I'm being too soft on him, or a 'mug'. I think if he gambles a large amoutn of money again, I will not be able to cope with staying with him, but I'm scared of bieng a single mum. I haven't told him this or givne him any ultimatums, but I think he knows deep down that our relationship is pretty tentative right now. has any one any advice or words o f wisdom for these early days?
Your not being soft on him, you're being strong for you, you're doing what you need to do, you must prioritise your needs and let's face it, you're the only sane one in this relationship, so what you say goes. No one outside can really know anything, so stay true to what you think is the right thing to do. You don't have to make life changing decisions today, with kids that age just getting some laundry done is big enough
Hi, Rainyday,
On the basis that we can't control what they do, that they alone choose whether or not to gamble etc, I would feel free to get as angry as you like with him. Otherwise you are being manipulated into keeping quiet which may not be healthy. He can't hold the risk of his gambling as a threat over you.
My mistake throughout was seeking a peaceful life and not challenging addict behaviour.
Take care,
CW
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