Hi
So, my boyfriend is a GC. About a year ago he lost about £2k over a period of a few months. He was using the (horrible) pay day loans to try to cover the habit but of course these quickly escalated. In fairness, he did get a loan to pay these which he will shortly have paid off. He said at the time that he knew he had a problem and wanted to go to a GA meeting. But never did. He did manage to stay relatively clear of gambling until recently and the same cycle commenced again. I did have to confront him as I could see the tell tale signs that he was struggling - stressed, narky, not sleeping, blaming me for things etc. He had already written everything down that he wants to change (seek help, pay debts) before I confronted him so I do know he wanted to talk to me about it but was too embarassed and ashamed.
We have two beautiful baby girls together and he is a wonderful person who is lost and can't see a way out of this. But, these are also the reasons I need to contemplate safeguarding our future whether it is together or apart I really don't know yet. I guess what I'm wondering is if there is any hope? Do people really overcome this horrible illness/addiction? Or am I just kidding myself.
Thanks for your time. I already feel a little lighter having just written this.
Talking is a great medicine isn't it? There's always hope, I always think the most heartbreaking moments are the ones when there has been too much hope. As far as I can tell, gambling isn't a matter of will power, we know they have plenty of willpower, you think for a minute about the lengths they have gone to to deceive and manipulate and the will power is obvious. The thing that I have seen really help, not cure, but help immensely, is the fellowship of other gamblers, GA meetings and the program, if they commit to it, is the best medicine available. This doesn't make it easy for us though, there's a lot to get your head round, read through here, only you will know if you are prepared to take it all on, and you don't have to make your mind up today, one day at a time is fine, you will know when you know. Keep talking it through
Thank you. You're right. I don't have to decide today. My head is a mess! He has asked me to manage finances and given me his bank cards. I'm hoping he also takes advantage of the other support available. I do want to support him but he has only told his sister so far and I feel I can't talk to anybody as a result. I need the support too which is why I joined here.
Hi, Bayley,
There's lip service and half measures designed to shut you up on the one hand; and a real genuine commitment to doing everything it takes to go into recovery on the other. If he wants you to take over the finances then that would be a good start for him but as you say, you would need to see other measures, self excluding and GA.
That's from his point of view but what about you and the children? Do you want the responsibility? You're not his mother.
Gambling thrives on secrecy.?re keeping secrets from his family for him, my advice is to tell anyone you think needs to know. I don't suggest posting it on social media to denounce him, but don't avoid telling anyone who can help you. I told the school, my boss, his family, a couple of close friends who I needed to support me, not to be vindictive or for the sake of it but for a useful purpose.
BW,
CW
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