hi,
I have been with my boyfriend just over 10 months and have just found out he has a gambling problem. I found out on my birthday that he had no money for us to do the things we had planned so had to come clean. He says he has had this problem for a couple of years and is trying to stop but finding it hard, since telling me he has self excluded himself from all his online accounts and I have ultimatumed him, but I'm still really worried that he will go back and lose everything. He has been close to losing his house and everything he has. he spend his whole wages in it a month and has to be bailed out then. I just want to try and find a way to help him or to support him so he doesn't go back. Does anyone have any advice for me?
Hello confused88,
Well done for posting on the forum.
It sounds like you were disappointed on your birthday, to discover that your boyfriend of 10 months has a gambling problem that leaves him short of money.
You are wondering how you might be able to help him avoid relapsing. He has admitted the problem, and self-excluded; those are good steps. You could let him know that he’s welcome to contact GamCare on our Freephone 0808 8020 133 or Netline if he’d like to find out more about local support or self-help strategies. You can call us too if you’d like some emotional support.
When you are in relationship with someone who has a gambling problem, it can help if you can be clear in your own mind that you are not responsible for his problem, and you do not have control over whether he chooses to work towards recovery. You can act on your responsibility to take good care of yourself by seeking support for yourself, as you’ve done here by posting on the forum. Talking with trusted family members and friends can be another way to gain emotional support, which can help you to feel resilient. Asserting helpful financial boundaries to minimise the impact of his gambling on you, can be another way to take care of yourself while also creating a better context for his recovery by removing easy access to your money.
We have a leaflet called ‘Supporting a problem gambler’ here:
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/pages/leaflets.html
If you’d like to discuss any of this, please call us on the Netline or Freephone 0808 8020 133.
Take care,
Adam.
Hi confused
Everything Adam has said is spot on. You are and never will be responsible for anyone's decision to gamble
You have to protect yourself
Never lend money to him and never get a loan or any other form of money in your name for him
If he wants to take recovery seriously he will. Talk is cheap. Actions only make it real. Anyone can say they want to quit. Most gamblers say it a million and one times before they actually do.
Don't keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself they can be just as damaging
I wish you luck x
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