Hi, My partner got caught out around 7 years ago for having a gambling addiction and stealing money to gamble. We overcome that and then again last feb I discovered he was gambling again not the extreme he was previously but not only gambling here and there he was addicted to playing games on his phone and spending an absolute fortune on them. We have once again over come this, he had counselling, attending GA meetings, put the ban on all gambling sites and added his photo for bookies to ban him. I have access to all finances etc which I check in on regularly. Anyway more recently I have been noticing a lot of small transactions in little newsagents etc that just look a bit suspicious to me. I could be totally paranoid but I also believe my gut. Is there a way to find out if he is buying scratch cards? I don't want to ask him because I don't think I will believe what he says anyway due to the trust being broken over and over I want to believe he wouldn't go back there as last time we were so close to ending the relationship that I'd like to think he wouldn't risk it. That being said I know an addict won't be thinking of us in that moment. Thank you for getting this far lol. X
You have now way to find out if he is buying scratchcards other than by following him around the shop!. The question is of course, how many of these transactions are there - if it's one or two a week, then, noting your concerns about gambling, it's a minor issue.  If it amounts to 3 figures then it's time to pin the donkey on the tail.
As long as you have access to his finances and know there is no other secret "slush fund" or bank account he could be using for significant gambling then it could a minor issue.
Hi thanks for your reply. The odd thing I noticed was that he would pay 1 day on revolute and then pay the following day on his credit card. I'd say there are around 4 transactions a week between them. I have learnt to trust my gut but I also know I am in a very anxious place right now so don't want to put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5. I agree it's only minor transactions at the moment but it's the hurt that he hasn't opened up to me again if he is. I try and give him as much freedom and trust I can but at the same time I have a family to think of so don't want to wake up 1 day not being able to feed or clothe them. I think I will just keep an eye for now and see if it calms down and just pray it's my paranoid brain thos time.Â
Thanks for taking the time to reply 😊
I guess what you have to consider is how much are the transactions. If he doesn't smoke and is spending a tenner or so at the newsagents 4 times a week, then he either has a sweet tooth or is is buying scratchers.
It is however a thin line to cross querying them, as you say this would imply a lack of trust and oversight that may push him away, and he is going to go into defense mode anyway automatically.
At the moment I would just monitor and see if it escalates.
Trust your intuition! It’s usually right.
And there is no ‘minor issue’ when it comes to gambling. It either is or it isn’t breaking a boundary set for self preservation in a life shared with an addict.
You could go into the newsagents and ask?
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