Am I over reacting?

Hi all, I'm new to this forum, and I have joined because I'm so fed up of nobody really understanding how it feels to be married to a gambler and the feelings that come with it. It isn't the financial loss that hurts as much as the lies and the betrayal.

My husband is a gambler. He says "was", I would say "is". We have been together 7 years. He always played on the fruit machines up the pub, and often would spend time in w**********l. He would often out of nowhere give me great big wedges of money telling me to treat myself. We hadn't been together long at that point, and it seemed (rather stupidly when I look back) that he was just an extremely lucky guy, or that the roulette machine in there was an instant money maker. He obviously never disclosed the losses.

A couple of years in and I fell pregnant with our first child. I was working for the family business and started to notice large sums of money going missing. I confronted him and after a lot of probing he admitted he had a problem. I suggested CBT, however he had other ideas and insisted on hypnotherapy. I tried explaining that if it worked, there would be no alcoholics in the world, no drug addicts, no smokers, etc, however he insisted. I went along with him and I knew it wasn't working, however he insisted he was cured. I never really believed it, I just wanted us to be all fixed and concentrate on the baby.

A couple of weeks later, I was going to take a large amount of money to the business bank, however stupidly, left it in the glove box. I was shopping before one of my scan's and my husband was due to pick me up and from there we would go to the hospital. He didn't turn up. I rang, and rang, and rang... nothing. I missed my scan. When I finally got hold of him, he wasn't remorseful much, he told me he'd had been with his hypnotherapist because he'd started to have urges again... I hung up and called the hypnotherapist. Whilst he had to maintain patient confidentiality, after me sobbing down the phone he said "I can't say anything, but I can say I'm on holiday in Spain at the moment." My husband eventually admitted he had been in the bookies. When I asked how much, he said around £80. I don't know why I believed him. Later that day I opened the glove box and all the envelopes were torn open with no money left. It was thousands. He finally agreed to CBT.

He attended several counselling sessions, and I started to see a difference, but there would be many more times he would fall off the wagon, more lies, more money and more mood swings. Valentines night, when all the candles were lit, and dinner was in the oven, he never showed up. One birthday, me and our son made him a birthday cake, I'd called the office to see what time he'd be home and they said he'd left 10 minutes ago and they'd given him extra money for us to go out for a lovely meal that night. We sat there waiting to light the candles and sing happy birthday, but he never showed until later, when he'd spent all the money. He gambled on and off during my second pregnancy and made it a very unpleasant time, both times, for which I'm extrememly resentful.

After lots of CBT he finally plucked up the courage to self exclude himself from all the bookies in the area, with the help of a family member, they successfully managed every chain and their branches, in a large radious. He seemed to have turned a corner. Recently I have asked him if he was gambling again, the mood swings had started, the secrecy, the sneakiness... and last night I found out he's been gambling online using something called a "paysafe" card. Not much, about £350 worth of deposits in the past 3 weeks or so, which is nothing in comparrison to the thousands upon thousands he has spent, but yesterday alone he spent £150 to b****5. He said he was getting lunch and took longer than usual, but I didn't think anything of it, but his recent transactions on this card show he topped up £50 and 4 minutes later paid it out to b****5. He asked a family member for £100 towards the end of the day telling them he owed it to a friend (who he named and had a great story) and I'd already left the office so he apparently couldn't get it from me. 10 minutes after he left work he had deposited £100, 2 minutes later he paid it out to b****5. I confronted him, and he denied it. I asked him where he got the £150 from yesterday but he said he'd been saving it up. He hadn't. He lied to me again. He doesn't seem remorseful at all. He said I need to get over it and that he's conquered his gambling and hasn't done anything wrong. He insists me and the rest of the family are over reacting and making a big deal out of nothing. He really doesn't see that he's done anything wrong. I know it's not a large amount of money, but surely it's the same?

I think he spent it on horse racing. His problem in the past has been the electronic gaming machines, however yesterday in work he had the horse racing on and had the radio right up to his ear to hear everything. He accepts he has a problem with roulette etc, but insists he doesn't have a problem with football bets and the horses, but surely that's like saying "I'm an alcoholic, but I am allowed beer"... I think because he's gambling a different way he doesn't see it as the same thing? Am I right? Or am I being unreasonable? I can't carry on with the lies, the betrayal, you start to realise so much of your lives have been a lie, stories you believed, transactions you believed, 'money falling out my pocket' stories, etc. I need him to realise he's ill again by lying and borrowing money to gamble and being sneaky, but he just doesn't.