Dad of the year

Hi

Thank you for your share and being so open and honest. I would have said the same thing in action and first few weeks of recovery but then things changed. Where I became present my relationship with my children and partner changed. Life became amazing. I listened and connected. My relationship with my 19 year old daughter is amazing. 

I guess the first few weeks of recovery were about pathetic self pity for myself. Thinking why did I let myself do this for 44 years. Why did I waste 5 to 7 hours every day. Why did all that harm to myself and others ? Then I realised if I concentrated on sorting my recovery out, dealing with my mental health, stop the isolating and instead connect, then life got so much better, what ever it has in store for me.

It's very easy to lose one's self worth but you can chose to use your history to turn your life around. It can be your power source. The mistakes you have made, you can learn from. I'm not talking financial, I am talking about working out what harm we have done and do the opposite turning a negative into a positive. 

As a baby we stand up and fall over. Eventually we get it right. Why not see the past as practice for a better life.

Most important thing I say to myself every day is don't forget the past but don't dwell on it. Don't worry about the future as it's wasted energy. Just concentrate on today. Be the best I can today and everything else will work out. 

Realise this was posted few days ago, but just seen it and completely resonates with me!  Also got 2 young kids and a gambling husband that keeps relapsing.  Kids don't know, and i'm/we trying so hard to shield them all from it, play happy families, pretend we aren't massively in debt.  Building resentment in me that he is just carrying on like normal, they idolise him.  As you say, he clearly wasn't thinking of them when he gambles and he gets to pretend to them that nothing has happened, when in reality behind the mask of it all, our family and future are in ruins.  (Massive eye roll)

Hi Kitty

I can only imagine how this is making you feel. None of us addicts realise the harm we are doing to others. We also see it as a financial concern and it's the only addiction that tells you the way out is to gamble more. That wouldn't work for an alcoholic or drug addict as they would be dead. If this is a change in him to being a better dad then that's positive as he is getting his emotions back. Gambling addiction is an awful disease and from discussions with people who have multiple addictions it's the hardest one to kick. 

Have you reached out for some counselling ? You can get that on here free of charge just speak to an advisor.

I know you probably think you have done nothing wrong which is correct but I would imagine you need to recover from the harm he has done to you as well. 

I can't put into words how gambling as a mental illness takes you to a place so far removed from who you are as a human being. From a personal point of view, there is no one hates me more than I hate myself but I have to learn to reconnect with my family which takes time both ways.

I'm sure my partner hates me most of the time for all that I've done wrong. I'm not blaming it all on a mental health condition but in all honesty it is and has been upgraded at the NHS to be a recognised one . The operators use us, coerce using and push for more and more money. It's not a life style choice it's an addiction.

Relapses do happen and I hope he is taking recovery seriously and putting blocks and counselling in place. Cold turkey doesn't really work 

If he is going cold turkey and you want to help him let me know and I would be happy to make some suggestions that you can signpost him to or talk to the advisors 

thank you for your reply Stuart, and for your honesty.  you are absolutely right, I need some counselling to deal with all the hurt.  I know this isn't him, its an illness.  But the fallout sometimes feels too catastrophic to bear, while trying to keep the family together.  I will look into the counselling here.  Hope things are working out better for you 

Hi Kitty

Thank you for your response. I am always nervous of replying to messages for those harmed family members as I'm coming from the other side of the fence and have really harmed my nearest and dearest. I did feel your hurt in your post and felt compelled to reply without defending your husband too much

I know this might be hard but it would be beneficial to you to do some research on the addiction to understand him better. If you go on YouTube and type in gambling addiction stories there are interviews on there which explains it all

Stuart