How do I help my son?

Hi Zmum

I've been a compulsive gambler for 44 years so I can only talk from that side of the fence. It's very brave of you to come on here. I can hear how much you love your son with the research you have already done. I don't know your son, but from my experience, no one could force me to do anything. It has to come from within and really want to change and get into recovery. If anyone is not doing this for themselves then it simply won't work. He sounds like me that he has a highly addictive brain but the dopamine can be rebalance over time. 

Going cold turkey, rarely works especially as he has multiple addictions. One thing to remember through this is that addiction isn't the problem it's the solution for us. There are blocks he can put in place to stop the gambling but it's really sticking plasters over the problem. My suggestion is that he needs counselling. He would have to request that but if you can suggest he comes onto this site and speaks to the amazing advisors on here by clicking the button "talk to someone" bottom right he can either ring them or text chat with them. They will be able to talk to him and work through the best route for recovery. It's going to be a journey for him and all the family and friends he has affected so you all need to work through your own recoveries in your own way. If he is open to counselling then this can be refered on here and it's generally free of charge through one of the gambling charities. 

I would also strongly suggest that he attends some meetings if he can - Gamblers Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous and n*******s Anonymous although I am not saying he is addicted to all three. 

If you have any other questions I would be happy to answer and try to explain from a compulsive gamblers point of view and my own experience of what it's like to be one. I am so pleased you have realised that the gambling isn't just a life style choice. It really is an addiction and all the people I have spoken to who have multiple addiction say it's the hardest one to beat

I hope you can all get through this

Stuart

@lp5vut869c 

He has already had a first session with a counsellor and has booked another.  He has been to 4 GA meetings now. I went to the first with him. He finds them really helpful and very supportive.

I’ve read that my ex and I shouldn’t help him clear debts but we have strategies in place atm that prevents him from having access to credit and even the bulk of what is in his bank account.  He came back from GA with these suggestions himself.  

Let’s take one day at a time is how I feel at the moment.  It is good that I am a strong woman as I’ve been supporting my daughter too but she’s had cancer and has an inherited genetic disorder that means she’s likely to develop more in the future.  
 

Hi Zmum,

I’m also a very worried mum and I know it’s that hardest thing to see our children suffering this terrible addiction. 

My son started gambling whilst at Uni 5 years ago. Following Graduation we planned a special holiday to celebrate.
Half way through the holiday he broke down and told us the extent of his addiction. It was bad, really bad. He was broken and we were mortified.
My son referred himself to Gamcare for support and set up blocks on his phone (Gamstop & Gamban) and bank accounts. I also requested support and received counselling for several weeks and it really helped me to understand what was happening to my son and helped me to supporting him. It also gave  me a safe place to vent.
We thought the problem had gone away but unfortunately just 1 year later my son relapsed. He is working now and ALL is wages have been given to the evils of gamble once again.

He broke down and told us just after Christmas and was desperate for help.
He wants to stop.

An eye watering amount of dept once again. My son had managed to find his way around the all blocks set up on his phone/bank account etc … It seems there is always a way if the need is great enough. He is very tech savvy.

We have cleared the dept and have set up a repayment plan this time. We feel he must pay the money back. I am helping him to manage his money by having his salary paid into my account and transferring money back to him on a weekly basis. (My son asked for this arrangement). He also agreed to share bank account details with me regularly.

He has self referred to Gamcare who have referred him to NECA for support. They have been great and offer weekly telephone support. My son is trying hard to understand the addiction and what he can do to help himself.

I am also having counselling and it really really helps me to understand and therefore support my boy.

We are all trying very hard to support our son in his recovery and so far he is free from gambling.

i think the key is making the decision to stop and reach out. It has to come from them. 
I urge you to seek support for yourself too as the addiction affects us parents in a massive way. I’ve felt helpless & hopeless as my beloved son is in the grip of this evil.

Hope this helps x