Feeling betrayed, is it better to just walk away?

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(@yb0uezox32)
Posts: 2
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I found out about my partners addiction a couple of years ago. I could see it as addiction straight away but it took him around another year of me knowing to finally accept and admit that he has an addiction. Last April I had enough, we were living in a flat in not the best area, one day I got a phone call to say that an application we had put in for a house had been accepted, and I was just to send over all myself and my partners financial documents to secure it. I knew instantly if I sent his documents over we wouldn’t get it. There was thousands of pounds of gambling on it. I had this feeling that maybe this was meant to be, maybe it was my time to leave him, do this myself. We have a young daughter and I needed to do what was best for us. I contacted the company and asked if I can change the application to just me and within a couple of weeks all my financial stuff got accepted. I felt relief but scared. The move in date was a couple of months, and the closer it got the worse I felt about leaving my partner, I felt like I was giving up on him in a way. This is when he opened up and told me he knows he has an addiction etc, and he wants to get help. He reached out to people etc. so I decided to let him move to the new home with me. I let him live completely free, not having to contribute to the bills so he can pay off his debt. I was constantly at him to see if the sources he contacted for help had been in touch and he always had an excuse to why they weren’t. I found on his phone that he was just ignoring them. 
I felt betrayed, used maybe, he had said all this and contacted people to make me think he was going to change, to get back in the house with me and his daughter, but he knew he was never going to actually go ahead with it. 
I started making him pay his way. Paying just less than half the bills.
From then it has just been a complete downward spiral, constantly racking himself in more debt, no control. 
About 2 months ago, he got a big win, paid quite a few things off, sat down and told me that this has motivated him to stop, that the reason he gambles is because he’s constantly chasing a loss. Now that he’s paid a lot of debt off he wants to stop, I knew deep down this was all lies but again I make myself believe it, because I guess that’s all I’ve hoped for. 
fast forward a month, he asks me if I can take out a £12,000 loan for him, to pay off the remainder of his debt, he told me that he was paying so much interest on his loans etc that me taking this out, would work out to be much cheaper and easier for him to manage. I didn’t want to if I’m honest, but I thought maybe he is serious, he really wants to stop. Maybe me doing this will help me manage his finances better, as he will need to transfer me the money monthly. So I done it. 
He promised me that he would never gamble again since I’ve done this for him. He cried tears of joy saying how grateful he is and I’ve changed his life. I made it very clear that if he ever did gamble again I would leave him. 
it’s been a month, and I just had that gut feeling, probably that gut feeling all of us get when we just know our loved ones are gambling again. I go onto his phone and there it is, gambling again. No money left, in overdrafts in multiple bank accounts, all credit cards maxed out, has borrowed money from his mum, put his weekly wages into his bank and gambled it all. Had no money to give to me towards the bills, and the bit that hurts me most is he’s gambled the spending money he had saved for taking our daughter to Disneyland literally in 3 days. 
So now I’m left to try sort this, to try cover the whole Disneyland trip, to cover the bills, to get the food shops, with no help. 
Normally after he does this, he shows emotion, he’s sorry. This time, it’s just like he doesn’t care, just keeps saying aw it was one f up, it’s not a big deal, I’ll sort it. 
There’s no way for him to sort it, he has nothing. Ive ask him to get a second job to help pay off the debt, its always no I’m not loosing time with my child. But he’s okay to let me pick up over time, working some week 50 hrs, loosing time with my daughter to ensure I cover the bills.
To make things worse, I go into his bank account this morning and he’s transferred another £100 of his overdraft to another account, I messaged him and asked why. His response was that was last week or just gone through now. I know it’s lies, and the account he’s transferred to is an account he used to try and hide his gambling, so after seeing me the whole weekend broken, stressed on how we’re going to afford this month, he’s still doing it. 
He’s always been a selfish man, but gambling addiction has just changed him to the next level.
Should I just walk away? Stop fending for him? Stop letting him use me?
But then I worry, this loan I took out is £600 per month, being a single mum, I could not afford to pay this and the bills.
childcare then becomes more complicated also so working more to cover it isn’t an option. If I leave him what if he doesn’t pay me the £600 a month.
I feel lost, alone and helpless. 

 
Posted : 11th May 2026 10:51 am
(@al9vnsqk4m)
Posts: 13
 

@yb0uezox32

Hello lovely, 

I'm so sorry to read of the tremendously hard situation you are in. 

It's too much for one person to bear, and so my only advice to you right now would to transfer the energy you have left to finding resources to help you practically and emotionally as well as your wonderful daughter. 

Writing on here is a good start, try reaching out direct to get 1x1 support and also look into groups to join like GamAnon and GamFam who do peer meetings weekly so you can be with other people that are going through what you're going through, you can learn and most of all feel supported and heard. 

I'm the partner (ex) and a lot of your story rings true to what I and many others have gone through. I know just how heartbreaking it is when you are left wondering where is his remorse?!? are you even sorry!?!? 

Once you are in a peer support system there are things like Stepchange and citizens advise bureau that will help give advise on the loan. Think of this and not 'what do i do with him' but 'who can be my army of support to help me through this' - you are not alone. Brighter days are ahead I promise x

 
Posted : 11th May 2026 4:54 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)
Posts: 1539
 

Hi user1309

i also would advise talking to stepchange. Be honest, tell them exactly why you took the loan out.

unfortunately allowing him to live rent free allowed him to continue. Taking responsibility for life expenses is very important. Gamblers think money is for gambling. They have no concept of reality, especially if they’re not responsible for bills and rent. 
I would explain it very plainly to him that his not getting a second job and not contributing means he won’t see his child because he won’t be living with you.

be clear if that’s what you want. Don’t make ultimatums that you don’t follow through with.

if you want to help and support him emotionally if he’s willing to stop, seek help and maybe hand over finances.

living with an active gambler is very difficult. Only believe what you can see. They will lie and cover their tracts to hide the debt. Don’t keep secrets, learning to deal with addiction is about being honest.

I would advise you to do credit checks, yours and his, secure your finances.

call Gamcare and get some support.

think long and hard about the way forward. If you stay together I strongly recommend control of his finances. My husband has a card he can’t use online without my approval. I check his account and a set amount comes to my account to pay all bills.

initially he wanted cash and receipts which was good for a while. It’s about what works for you. 

please get some support, call stepchange that will help guide you and hopefully relieve some stress.

 

 

 
Posted : 11th May 2026 6:42 pm
Tazman
(@tazman)
Posts: 751
 

I am the addict in recovery while i am 3 years betfree and i have completely changed it toom me a while to get to this stage the thing am seeing on here are on the extreme end of addiction and i have been in recovery since 2010 some of the addict at my Ga never even even got to the debt stage realised early they were spending abit too much gambling and surprising had great results in recovery the i never stole or did anything illegal although at my earlist stage their was a posibility the sucess rate for this addiction is extremely low reason being their far too much temptation on a logical stand point an addict only comes round when the addict wants the change it may be months years decade to come to that stage so personally i would advice anyone in this situation is to safegaurd yourself especially if children are inbolved other addicts manage to do few years without a bet only to repeat the process again even i would admit i would rather take my chances on a drug or alcholic then a gamblier because with this addiction it completely hidden and some addicts are extremely smart u simply wont know 

 
Posted : 12th May 2026 2:45 am

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