Hello, I'm looking for a little help really my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and I would say 6 of these he's had a gambling issue. I can't say enough how amazing he is how caring loving and supportive he is but sadly he does have a gambling issue. It has pulled on our relationship and made a few arguments. I've seen him over the years really get dragged down by it and it's killed me to watch it. All I want to do it help him try and fight this issue as I know he's strong enough to do so! I think he finds it hard to ask and seek help I'm not sure if he feels like he has failed or something if he asks for help. So I just wondered if anyone has any advice really ?
Hi
If the gambling issues are causing a strain and he's not prepared to do anything about that he's maybe not as amazing as you believe. The harsh truth is an active CG will prioritise gambling above everything and everyone and there's nothing we can say or do to make them stop or help them until they want to be helped.
It's not a case of strength or willpower. They have to commit to practical barriers to gambling which may well mean degrees of inconvenience, even embarrassment on occasion. If he really wants to stop he will do whatever it takes. Your priority needs to be you. Take steps to protect yourself financially, read everything you can about what you're both up against and enlist RL support via friends,family and outside agencies such as Gamanon. If he won't give up think hard about what you want and deserve from a partner. Put yourself first. Unless and until he stops you're the only one who will.
My experience of life with an active CG involved lies, betrayal, deceit, emotional remoteness, short changing me, short changing the kids, stealing their savings. And it was apparently all my fault. The only amazing thing about it was that it took me so long to cop on to the fact that such behaviour is unacceptable.
I'd echo the advice to remove the rose tinted glasses and face up to the reality of your situation. The help is out there for you to cope with the effect that he is having on you. Help via GC and GamAnon, real life friends or family, take it. But don't kid yourself that this is some tortured soul, pure underneath if only he didn't keep doing what he repeatedly does keep doing and it's only you who can save him from himself. The person betting is him and the only person who can stop betting is him.
The other advice is to protect yourself financially. Separate your finances from his, don't attempt to sort out his debt. In short, look after you.
CW
This sounds very similar to my situation. I've been with my partner for over 7 years and he's always had a problem since before we got together.
We also go through some really happy times when he's not gambling, but he always goes back to it and that causes really miserable times.
It's the happy times that make me want to stay together and try to help him because I love him and can't imagine being without him. But every time we go through these down after he's gambled, it leaves me in a dilemma where I findmyself questioning our future and whether this type of life is really what I want. It's a battle between my head and my heart.
What I want is for him to get better and I believe we could be happy without gambling. But I know this has to come from him and I don't think he's prepared to help himself. This tells me that he's still putting gambling first over our relationship and a potential happy future together, which breaks my heart and I'm finding it hard to accept.
I'm sorry that I don't really have any advice for you as I'm in a similar situation and don't know what to do myself. What I will say is that I joined here 5 years ago and although things have got slightly better (the downs are not as often and we've learned to deal with things differently) here I am 5 years later in the same position, going round in circles 🙁
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