He's doing it again! I think? Help!

As a compulsive gambler its an emotional illness so yes behaviour changes are often the first signs something may be wrong

You could ring up Gamcare on the numbers above and get some advice?

Thank you, he finally came clean but I had to ask him several times. It's the lying that really upsets me.

I've said I will be here to support him and help him, even though we've been here so many times before. He just shouts at me and pretends he doesn't care. He's tried counselling and GA but refuses to go back. I've helped in every way I can think of but I know he has to help himself. Once again I can't see him wanting to do anything.

We re engaged and I'm the only one who's been saving as he's just been gambling and lying to me. I love him and still want to marry him, I just want him to get better and try and take control over it. I just can't see it happening! I really don't know what to do anymore, part of me wants to leave but I can't imagine life without him! Any advice would be appreciated.

Morning natnat

As a compulsive gambler in recovery for nearly 3 years I can offer you this advice

Your right in thinking that your boyfriend has got to help himself he has to admit the problem and want to stop , this can vary some need to hit rock bottom and lose everything others realise before it's too late

I understand you love him and want to help and that is so admirable but you do need to protect yourself from the devastation gambling can bring , already you have bailed him out with your savings your hard earned money only for him to continue gambling , what is he doing for you ?

Going forward he needs to prove to you he is serious about quitting , letting you take control of his finances or at least letting you have access to his account , if he won't agree what is that telling you , he should want to prove it you how well he is doing , I have had 5 relapses in that time so it can happen but I learned from them all and now I know the signs and my triggers , it is a hard journey for both of you unfortunately for you it's your partner who can only make the choice to gamble or not

You do have a choice though to live this life with him , read plenty of other threads on friends and families some will help you and some will rightly scare you

Out of it all do protect yourself don't waste your life chasing something that could never happen

I wish you both the very best battling this awful addiction

Castle2

Thank you for your advice, he's given me control of his finances but I really don't know where to go from here

Hi Natnat,

Welcome to our Forum and thank you for posting.

It sounds like you have been here many times before with your fiancs gambling and by the sounds of it, it has had a negative impact on you emotionally and I really get a sense that you are just desperate to want to help him and although you clearly love him, seem to be at your wits end and don’t know what else to do.

Temporarily taking hold of the finances is a good idea. However I would suggest you protect your own finances, and also protect yourself emotionally Nat. In doing this, you are encouraging him to take responsibility for his own gambling.

I can also hear that currently your partner does not want to engage in any form of support, as you said he is not interested in Counselling or attending Gamblers Anonymous meetings. That doesn’t stop you from accessing support. Perhaps you’d like to give us a call to talk through what has been going on? We are open daily from 8am to 12 midnight. Come through on our Freephone helpline on 0808 8020 133 or on a Netline call and speak with a GamCare Adviser. We are here to support anyone affected by problematic gambling, and that includes loved ones like yourself Nat.

Keep posting.

Saffron