I need help to help him

This isn't your fault boo, you can't be responsible for what he does, he is. I am a bit confused though, how long did he stop gambling for and did he have any help from GA or a counsellor? If he did stop, has he just had a binge recently that all feels too much?

Really you can't manage a gamblers gambling, your only going to end up in huge rows, because you are going to be the wall they kick against when they can't stop. I don't now many people who could weather that sort of storm. Yes take control of the finances, but not the gambling, never get involved with financing that because a gambler won't let you control them.

This is not your fault, and it's not you that has to find the solution, you are not creating the problem so you can't anyway, it's up to him. What you do have control of is your own happiness, so make now nice, you've been through a lot here, give yourself a break, but keep talking

He done it all on his own and he said he wants help and knows he has a problem hence giving up before I think it is a binge as his emotions are all over the place but he said to me he needs a strong minded woman that will say no to him I said no last time and he ran off for 5hours and gambled anyway I just feel a little lost and don't know what to do I now see it was a mistake to try and sit there with him while he gambled

Bit unrealistic of him to think that you saying no firmly is all it takes. The help he needs doesn't come from us, it comes from other gamblers in GA, they would get through to him that it is too much for him to ask someone else to control him. You're not his mother, he's not a toddler, is not a healthy relationship to be in if that's how it works. don't let a gambler twist things to his needs, keep your eyes on what is normal in a relationship and what your expectations should be. This is why I always tell people to keep talking, you can get dragged down the hole with the gambler and it is shocking what I and others here have tolerated in the name of "helping". Talk to people and keep a hand holding on to the real world.

Thank you for your support I know that and think I'm just very upset it all happened this morning and still carrying on he told me I should pack my bags I've said no and standing firm I'm not letting him drive me away I know he is trying to deal with alot and he still never come to terms loosing his mum. he said to me a minute ago he knows it's solely his fault, and I'm not to blame it just really hurt when he said I didn't have any passion to tell him no and he wasn't listening or trying to understand where I was coming from. I love him and don't want to loose him just scared he is hitting the self distruct button again!

I have some sympathy for him with the bereavement, I lost my mum very unexpectedly and I think it took me about 5 years to realise I wasn't going to recover, it was going to go back to how it was before and I had to get on with a new life without her. I rejected people and didn't look after myself in those years too. But it doesn't change things for you, he has to deal with grief, he needs some help with the relentlessness of that, a lot of us do, but it's still up to him to get that help and its up to you to get help with what your going through trying to support someone who is rejecting and hurting you. Your doing your bit talking here, he needs GA or counselling, he's not broken, but he isn't thinking straight and he's going to have to help himself. It's not your fault.

Thank you so much

Bloomberg I admire you for standing by him, he is a lucky man but to blame you or his sad loss he is in denial. We gamblers always find a reason for what we do and it is never the real reason because we are running away from reality and the fact that we are compulsive, irrational and lack self control. So until he seriously decides it is his problem and does something positive about it I am sorry to say you are in for more heartache. You cannot help an addict only they can so you must not encourage their behaviours by taken the burden on yourself.