I've been with my partner for 3 years and we have a 7 month old son and he's a stepdad to my 5 year old boy. He's gambled and lied for most of the time we've been together and now I can't see no way back. We were so close to splitting up when I was pregnant as I couldn't cope anymore and he begged for one last chance, somehow he managed to stop gambling for 6 months and everything was great. I felt like I had the man I fell in love with back again and he was fantastic when our son was born,I was so proud of him. Then out of the blue one night when I was asleep he woke me up to tell me he'd gambled all his savings and was leaving. He came back a few days later and promised it wouldn't happen again but for the last 3 months he has not stopped lying or gambling, he's self excluded from about 5 different sites recently but he just finds another one a few days later. The last straw came when I'd been to have a sleep and came down and he was gambling in front of the kids, he swore it was free play but was so angry and aggressive I knew he was lying. I later found out he'd won 12 grand but blew it all and guess what? It was mine and the kids fault as usual! Part of me feels so sorry for him as I know he hates himself for what he's done (he's attempted suicide a few times now) but I'm just so angry at him. I've made it clear that until he sorts himself out he can't be a part of the kids lives, I can't bear the thought of them growing up in this envirmoment. Have any of you ended up separating and do u still think is was the best thing to do? I love him so much but I hate who he turns into when he gambles, I've never felt so alone and miserable
You are definitely not alone, so many of us in exactly the situation you describe. Many of them here, some making it work, some splitting up, but all have lived a story very like yours. I had to split up with Mr Pangolin before he actually took steps to sort himself out, many many promises before that, but all broken, he had to lose it all before he found the motivation to change. Read through things on this bit of the forum and you will find that no one here judges, we aren't trying to save any marriages or split anyone up, we just want the people who have had their lives ruined by this awful addiction to have some peace and friendship, some people to talk through things with, or even just somewhere to let off steam and have a rant. You sound strong, keep your chin up, lots of support here if you want it, keep talking
Thank you for your reply, it's feels nice to know someone understands. The other week he tried to commit suicide and In a way I was relived because I thought that he'd hit rock bottom and things would change but he came home from hospital that night and was still talking about gambling and that he'd be ok if he set limits. We've had to have social services and health visitors into our home as he was at home with me and the kids when he took an overdose and a few hours after they left he was gambling again. He's currently at his dad's house but I feel it'll only make him worse as his dad's a gambler as well, I just don't know what to do for the best. I know when he's not gambling he's a great dad and partner but at the minute I feel like I don't know him or even like him
Hi Louise, I'm going through similar at the moment too, I have no advice but wanted you to know if you need a chat or just to vent I'm here. Shelley x
Do what makes you happy today, take your time and think about you and rebuilding you, hes fine at his dads, not what we call fine, but he is either happy as a pig in s**t or learning a lesson, so leave him to it and make your life nice. one day at a time.
Bless you, I was in a similar situation years ago with a young baby and a CG partner promising to change. Now, 9 years later I'm in the same situation again but with 2 kids and a lot more wasted years under my belt. The longer it goes on the less love and compassion you have. The deceit erodes any positive feelings you have. I saw a solicitor recently, unbeknown to my husband, and had I left years ago i would have been better off. Now it seems he's entitled to more of our "joint" assests which I have provided and he's even got a claim on part of my private pension! Do what you need to to keep you and your family in a good place, and do what you believe to be the right thing for you xxxx
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
