I think my bf has a problem

You are quite right in worrying but you can do some things to help yourself. 1st calling your boyfriend out is most likely going to be counterproductive. As long as he is in gambling mode he will most likely tell you anything he thinks you want to hear. What you should do is focus on having separate lives together if that is what you want. You look out for your economy your income and let him look out for his own income. If he's a tenant he should pay you for rent and on time. Be your own together or walk away from it. Gambling addiction very seldom ends up as a happy story. There are too many lies and untruths there can also be debt collection issues theft and things you don't want your worst enemy to go through. My best advice is to watch out for yourself and don't be duped into anything financial or you will not see that money again.  

Dear Kirstiiie,

Welcome to the forum.

We are sorry to hear about your concerns regarding your partners possible gambling relapse.  Receiving a Christmas hamper from a gambling company must have been quite the shock, especially with it being sent to your address.

Your concerns are completely understandable, you are right this isn’t a question of trust, but ensuring your partner gets the support he needs, if he has indeed had a relapse. Your concerns are likely to be greater now he shares an address with you, as you need to be sure if any further gambling debts are accrued that they don’t have a negative impact on your housing situation.

The support we offer is not only for those with a gambling addiction, but also for family members and partners like yourself. Please do feel free to contact us on our NetLine or our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 and one of our advisers would be happy to talk about any concerns you may have.

Kind regards

Forum Admin

I once received a advent calendar from betway and that was because I was spending that much money with them as a gambler I would lie to anybody to get my fix because once it’s got you nothing else matters 

So you know one thing for sure  he has been gambling while living at your address, try asking him if you could see his jpj account , the history will tell it all. Just be calm about the way you do it. Let him know how you feel and that you are there for him every step of the way. La1y the law down now about how you feel, ask him to come and have a chat on the forums here. As bear said us gamblers would lie our way out of anything, I've recently lost everything just over a week ago due to my lies and deceit through gambling. Partner, home, being with the kids every day. Maybe if he reads some of the forum stories it will help, if he has got q1 problem with gambling he needs to want to stop and mean it. Good luck kirstie. 

Please come back and let us know how things go.

Happy monday night guys , and remember you will always lose your money because come on let's face it even when we win we put it back in.

Hi Kirstiie

having a relationship with someone is about honesty . If he's  moved into your home you have every right to have rules, boundaries. Don't go back on those and say it's ok. It isn't. He's  hit the jackpot he's got a safe place to live, his expenses have gone down and his habit is to gamble spare money.

if you are suspicious you have every right to be. 7 weeks is no time at all. You need to see his actions to aid his recovery. Is he going to GA every week? Is someone helping him manage his money? Has he signed up to gamstop?

He's obviously a good customer to which ever site sent the hamper, he may well have not gambled and they are enticing him back. These companies make their money from compulsive gamblers not the gambler who wins and walks away. But he has used your address, that is the issue. Run a credit report on yourself Experian, clearscore, credit karma. Ask him for his too.

as a wife of 20 years I can say this will go on until you get help and support for yourself. He needs help and support too. Gambling is one of the hardest habits to break. This is addiction, it's forever. An emotional illness, self medicating in times of stress.

Hi... yes you have every right to be worried if he is using your address at online gambling sites. In your situation and especially if you don't use online gambling sites yourself, then i would sign up to Gamstop (go to the website and read). What this would mean is that he won't then be able to use your details to gamble online. Also if he signs up to Gamstop then that would make it harder for him to gamble online...

Also you do have to ask yourself the difficult questions... Is he using your details to obtain credit?? Are you being used as a means to an end?? Take action to protect yourself and your finances.

Remember that most addicted gamblers, don't just stop.

All the best

Hi Kirstiiie and Welcome

Right a deep breath because gambling is the most dangerous addiction I know about.

Firstly you need to protect yourself financially and ensure your home is covered by you and he is not controlling any finances which relate to that home or your bank balance. You then tell him that gambling is not acceptable to you and he wont be living there much longer if you even sniff a whiff of gambling.

The worrying thing is a gambling den has associated itself with your address. They have done that because someone has given them your address...its not hard to guess who

You must not let this be a blind love and you need to learn fast about what you are dealing with. Ive been a gambler and I wouldnt live with one. Living with an addicted gambler would be like leaving your door wide open with the keys also in the car door. If there is no financial security there is no relationship. Last time I looked we are not able to live in the land of milk and honey with money trees growing in the garden

An addicted gambler will take you on the train ride to hell

A recovering gambler wont want your trust the trust is a small price to pay in the face of an addiction which kills people.

He will need to be living on a sandwich allowance and you will have to control all the money. Are you ready for what is needed because you should not trust him for his own good. you will need to see his credit report and bank accounts. You will need to supervise a self exclusion process

You will need help and support and then you can make a decision. This addiction is extremely dangerous. Do you fully understand?? Im not saying he is a bad person. I am saying that a gambling problem will also ruin your life!

It can be made history if he is truly ready for a born again moment

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks for everyone’s replies. I’ve read them all and thought about all what you’ve said. 

I know this is wrong but I managed to log in to some gambling sites and guessed his password. I could see from this history that he had been gambling on three different sites. It’s not every day or even massive amounts but he’s still doing it.  

I asked him about it and he totally lied to me until I confronted him with the evidence. He was very cross with me. He has since apologised for lying. He’s removed the hamper and when I asked him where it is he said he put it in his car so it was out of sight out of mind so I wouldn’t discuss it anymore. 

he refuses to see he has a problem and has promised not to gamble anymore. I’ve told him I want him to get help. He’s got quite cross and said he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. I told him to calm down and not get cross, he said if I don’t want him to get cross then I need to stop talking about it. 

Hi... Well at least you know where you stand i.e your partner doesn't want to stop gambling. Now you can make decisions based on that knowledge. 

Remember the bottom line: keep yourself safe from the consequences of his gambling and never give money to a compulsive gambler if you ever want to see that money again.

Unfortunately they are all the classic reactions of a gambler that just doesnt like being found out.

He cant handle it...he cant explain it because it makes no sense and he gets shirty with you by telling you not to talk about it

All the classic signs of a problem gambler that wants his poisonous cake and refuses to come to terms with the fact that its a highly irresponsible and dangerous activity.

So he thinks putting the hamper in the car will make everything alright and you will forget about it. Oh thats ok then I cant see the hamper...ridiculous and it would be comical in its infancy if it wasnt all so deadly serious.

Hes got money to burn has he? He is clever is he? Gambling is the most irresponsible thing to do with money. Gambling is a mugs game.

we go back to what you first said. He has lost a few thousand pounds and he thinks you are moaning about it for no good reason.

There's a third guest living at your house...its called a gambling addiction......his cruel mistress. Two's company...three's a crowd but the gambling addiction is telling him that you are the trouble causer. 

Im telling you Kirstiie...you need your eyes wide open to this. Im not a relationship counsellor but I do know how dangerous a gambling problem is.

If he told me to be quiet about gambling ( knowing what I know about it) he would be out....gone.

It  really is your decision. Im afraid to say that you can not be a shrinking violet. If he loves you he has a choice to make. He sounds totally deluded and addicted. Im not sure he can make a rational choice. He needs help but he has to be ready to fully accept he has a problem and seek help.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum