I’m looking for advice from people who understand gambling addiction from the partner’s side.

Hi @bnh7taju3p

Thank you for posting on the forum and sharing with us what is happening and how difficult it is for both of you.

You asked if the thoughts and feelings you described are normal.  We hear others in similar situations describe similar thoughts and feelings and, yes, it’s normal.

I wondered if you’d reach out to get some support for yourself right now? GamCare also provides support to people in your situation. You can contact us and ask to be referred through for some 1-2-1 support if that feels helpful right now Chat to us now - GamCare

You may also be interested in our Way Forward online group for women  in your situation  Way Forward: Virtual Support Group for Women - GamCare

Please keep sharing on the forum.

All the best

Jane

Forum Admin

Hey, 

I am in a similar situation to you at the moment, been with my partner for 12 years. Within our first year of marriage I found out he had been gambling for over a year and I didn't even put 2 & 2 together. I felt stupid, angry and used. He got some help about 5 months ago and I thought it was all heading in the right direction. I reached out to GamCare as I was beside myself, blamed myself for allowing it to happen and and aiding his addiction. Over time they have helped me to feel like it is not my fault its his, and helped me to gain the confidence to put in clear boundaries. I found out he has relapsed recently & I am going through probably more hurt than before but at least now I am able to set my boundaries. I am hoping it gets better but I think the hardest thing is to watch your partner go through it and feel helpless in the process. Sometimes it feels like a completely different person. 

I know this probably hasn't helped but, wanted to let you know you are not alone.

These posts have helped me thank you i’m in a similar situation i have been with my husband ten years and we have three children and i’ve just found out that he has been gambling again for the last two years the money i can deal with it will mean no extras in life and budgeting everything but we’ve done it before and i could of done it again but it’s the fact for two years i’ve been lied to and even last week i caught him out he didn’t come to me and own what has been happening and that for me is the hardest part.

i’ve said i will support him as the father of our children but i can’t as a wife as i need to give my children a future and can’t be always worrying that we could lose our home or car due to his gambling.

How do you both deal with those torn feelings of loving someone but not knowing who they are as gambling as taking away the person you thought you knew? 

These posts have helped me thank you i’m in a similar situation i have been with my husband ten years and we have three children and i’ve just found out that he has been gambling again for the last two years the money i can deal with it will mean no extras in life and budgeting everything but we’ve done it before and i could of done it again but it’s the fact for two years i’ve been lied to and even last week i caught him out he didn’t come to me and own what has been happening and that for me is the hardest part.

i’ve said i will support him as the father of our children but i can’t as a wife as i need to give my children a future and can’t be always worrying that we could lose our home or car due to his gambling.

How do you both deal with those torn feelings of loving someone but not knowing who they are as gambling as taking away the person you thought you knew? 

Hi @bnh7taju3p

I'm sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like a very stressful and upsetting time for you.

It's hard to be living in a situation like this. You aren't a horrible person, and you are entitled to live a good life and be happy. 

I myself have been through something similar with my partner and I felt very isolated due to not having much family and struggling to cope with my partner's addiction, especially after their relapse. 

Have you considered maybe joining a support group where you could speak to others who have been through a similar situation? I don't know if you've heard of Breakeven? They are a charity offering help and support to both gamblers and people who have been affected by another's gambling.

You are not alone and the feelings you have been dealing with are perfectly normal. 

I think it's important when going through something like this to take some time out for yourself and prioritize your own mental health and self-care, even if it's just a walk to get some fresh air or meeting a friend for a coffee. 

Take care of yourself and remember there is help out there to help you through it. 

Posted by: @bnh7taju3p

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My fiancé of 11 years has a gambling addiction and recently relapsed through crypto after a significant loss. The past couple of months have involved repeated relapses, lies, and a lot of emotional fallout. He now has no access to money and has agreed to start therapy, but day to day he is very low, withdrawn, sleeping at random times, and barely functioning.

Living together has become extremely difficult. The house feels toxic and heavy, and I feel constantly on edge. I cry most days, have a very short fuse, and feel overwhelmed by worry and sadness. There are times where I feel like I want to leave just to escape the pain and chaos, but I’m then riddled with guilt for feeling that way and end up feeling like a horrible person.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if these feelings are a normal response to living with addiction. I feel exhausted, stuck, and ashamed of how much this is affecting me.

I would really appreciate hearing from others who’ve been in a similar position — how did you cope, what boundaries helped, and how did you look after yourself without being consumed by guilt?

I’ve read your message and I’m sorry that this has happened, I’m the husband, and father who has a gambling addiction, it has been passed on to one of my sons and that messed him up but he’s not doing it now, myself and my wife have been married for 42 years and we separated but always see each other a couple of days a week, speaking on the phone daily, the gambling is my addiction and i know it’s in me, i don’t say that easily, it’s caused very bad times, i used to gamble every day, not anymore, but it’s in me and i know it, i look at my self in the mirror and i look hard at myself and admit my weaknesses, and that becomes my strength,, my wife has suffered mental anguish because of my gambling and has supported me , i can’t turn back time but i can make the now and the future better, staying apart is probably the best for both of us, we still support each other though. Wishing you and your partner the best for the future, there is a future for you both, I’m living proof, (I’ve been there and come back) take care. Guard up, Rainman