Hi all,
Never thought I’d be here and yet here we are. My partner & I exchanged on a flat yesterday, and I was helping him with some emails when I saw a whole bunch of gambling site emails. I felt a horrible drop in my stomach and my anxiety started. I called him and asked about it and he said we’d talk about it when I was home.
He was very open and honest, I will give him that. He didn’t make excuses and was extremely apologetic. We were very fortunate to be helped with our mortgage from family and he’d gambled about 15-20k over 3 months. He said he was embarrassed and relieved I’d found out because it had been causing him so much stress. He’s made a promise to do all he can to rebuild the trust and that he is never, ever going to gamble again. We’ve come up with an action plan for banning and blocking sites on devices and through bank accounts. He’s self referred for therapy.
It all sounds really positive and actionable, but I’m just so scared if I give this chance then somewhere down the line it will happen again. I just feel so sick over this and can’t believe he gambled away our safety net. He at least stopped on his own accord before it got to the point where we couldn’t afford anything, but that was only 5 days ago. Everything obviously very fresh.
I guess I’m just so shocked, we’re both so anti-gambling I just don’t know how this has happened.
Thank you for reaching out for support.
This sounds like a very challenging time for you, but you don't have to go through this alone.Â
You are more than welcome to speak to one of our advisors via our helpline, and we can discuss the best way we can support you through this difficult time. You may like to speak to one of our specialist gambling practitioner who can speak to you face to face about how you can get through this difficult time.Â
It's encouraging to hear that your partner has recognised his gambling is an issue for him, there are other blocks and self-exclusion schemes that can help. We recommend Gamstop and Betblocker which provide really good, comprehensive protection from online gambling.Â
Thank you for using our forum today
Kind regards
Forum Admin
Hi Poppy
I'm from his side of the fence. It sounds like he is saying all the right things. Has me mentioned anything about attending a GA meeting ?Â
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Hi i believe you are one of the very few fortunate one he got sucked into gamblimg but realised what was going on reminds me of another guy who was addicted to fruit machines and got caught out early he not had a bet since 2006 it depends on how long he has been gambling for most people it a life long illness and some kind on going therpy is vitalÂ
@lp5vut869c He’s now got Gamstop and has referred himself for therapy. I’m just devastated. £26,000 just gone down the drain.
@tazman I really hope so. I just feel so completely broken by it.
Hi Poppy,Â
I can totally understand why you feel broken by this, as it's a massive breech of trust, especially at this time when you have just exchanged on a flat.Â
It's good to hear that he has been very honest and open with you about everything and that he has also self-referred for therapy. Would you consider maybe trying couples therapy? My partner and I still do this now, and he's been 10 months gamble free. We've both found it very beneficial to build trust back and help him through his recovery.Â
You won't be able to control whether something like this happens again or not, but putting the right steps in place will be beneficial for you both. Also, I would highly recommend having full transparency of his finances and creating an individual safety net to protect yourself financially if you need access to money separately.Â
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