Life after a CG

Rachel I totally understand where your coming from and I harbour all those feelings. I got out of that kind of relationship but still went back for more.

For me now trust is something I no longer give. It has to be earnt. Someone could say to me that I have no reason not to trust them but my response to that is and now always be I have no reason to trust you.

I still go out with friends that's something I could never give up. I go out have a drink dance or whatever and go home. I like to get out and be me. I'm a free spirit in that way. I love to socialise but again I am choosy if you like over who I socialise with.im also afraid of my poor choice in men lol so I'm steering clear even if it means upsetting friends who are trying to set me up on dates. They have best intentions at heart. But I'm just not interested in just incase I happen to attract another like before. I'm safer on my own. I'm actually happier on my own living my life for me and not having my personality stripped away bit by bit to accommodate another.

Keep safe Rachel x

Hi Keep,

Good to read that you are looking after yourself and keeping safe.

Good news with your job too, better shifts I hope ,

That you fit them in with your family and not fitting your family in with work.

A big mistake I have made too many times and therefore losing out on family time that I won't get back.

My next job will be the hours I now want and I will fit them in with my family.

So no lates or weekend working (lol).

Keep keeping safe and take care

Suzanne xx

Evening Sunday

Another stress free relaxing weekend done and dusted. I've done all that needs to be done and had time for a few things I wanted to do. Some amazing happy quality time spent with my family.

I actually feel the urge to pop by here less and less which is a good thing. Those close to me what I've been through and even they tell me I seem like I've come out the other side.

I've not come away unscarred. They will be there for life but with time they've faded and don't seem to factor into daily life. I can go days and don't even think about how I've been affected.

I made the break away from the life I was stuck in and every decision made from there on in ( apart from 1 or 2 ) has been for mine and my families benefit.

We all make mistakes. We are only human. It's how we learn from them that's shapes us.

Always keeping safe

Morning Keep,

Thanks for your continuing support.

I understand totally that you don't need to use this forum much now, and that has to be very positive for you, because you are now moving on.

We can't change our past and we don't forget, but that is all part of what life is about, but we do move on and carry on, the futures not ours to see yet, but what we learn from our lives makes us stronger and wiser.

Our lives do not stand still, even if we would wish that sometimes.

You don't know what is around that corner nor do I.

But it's sure something that we can can walk to with our heads held high because we are living our lives with all the ups and downs it brings.

Take care and stay strong

Suzanne xx

Afternoon Thursday

It's been a positive week and I'm looking ahead to a good weekend. Life is treating me well.

In the past when I've thought things were good there were always things going on that we're going on that were well hidden from me. Now life is different. I'm not afraid of feeling happy and settled cos I know there are no unexpected surprises heading my way. Financially it's tight but I'm coping. All the bills get paid and in time. I have no debts and no shocks to land on my doorstep. No one calls anymore wanting to speak to the ex wanting money he owes. Life is good. Life is mine for living. It's a real busy life with no time for misery. In more than happy with what I now have. And I really couldn't wish for more

Keeping safe always 🙂

Hi KS

I understand what you mean by your last post. You cant put a price on having a clear picture with nothing hidden.

I still get a few shocks 3 yrs on but its mainly over money having to be found quickly for unforseen reasons. In the past I would have had a buffer in savings but today I don't

At least we can plan ahead a wee bit without the rug being pulled which is something I could not do with a gambler as it was a life of unreality and limbo. In the end you grow weary of the words "fresh start" and all the promises . Its like the boy who cried wolf.

I actually built up a phobia towards mobile phones and don't have one myself. the ex had about 2-3 always bleeping juggling payday loans 800 a week on a near 3.5k a month salary.

I cant afford to gamble even if I wanted to.The consequences of me blowing all my salary in 2 days would be not being able to go into work and big questions including the sack if it carried on.

I am annoyed at a certain pay day lender writing off debt as other people who have borrowed responsibly will have to pay theirs back for life.

I love saying Keeping Safe , KS as its just exactly what I need ..its such a lovely feeling to feel safe with peace of mind and be the master of your own ship

Rachel xxx

Life continues to run smoothly and dare I say effortlessly. Why? Because I chose to change the way I was living my life.

I chose to not dwell on the past. It's not part of my future but it's shaped who I am and what I want for my future.

not so long ago I would have been easily swayed into making choices I knew I wasn't comfortable with but never spoke up. Just kept that uncomfortable silence and dwelled on it inside. Now no matter what the situation if it don't feel right I say so. This has certainly served me well with work.

I've always been one to stay quiet, don't rock the boat, please others at the expense of my own happiness and peace of mind.

Not any more. This is my life my future. One that I now choose to benefit me and my family.

The days of supporting the CG in our life are over and now my family and I are all the better for it. We live our lives with love trust and above all else - honesty.

Nothing is worth more to us

We are keeping safe

....had to catch my breath there reading the words "not so long ago I would have been easily swayed into making choices I knew I wasnt comfortable with"

When it comes to forgiveness of my own deeds KS this one is at the very top.

Looking back i feel a great deal of shame about the person i turned into as if my whole moral structure and personal standards plummetted to beyond floor level.

My first diary was called "self respect " as that was what I needed to claw back first.

One good thing i did do was to keep hold of "normal" people as friends as then I had a comparison to the insanity,

One of the saving graces was that i always knew a life before the gambler as i met him later in my life wheras I cannot imagine who i would have become if i had had no other knowledge or experience of domestic relationships prior to him. I think this is why i was able to get out faster as i hung on to memories of a life before and knew that what I was experiencing was insane.

I look back some days at how low I sunk but it has taught me to always trust my gut instinct even though i may be in minority thinking and when those red flags appear I cannot give the benefit of the doubt and have to Keep safe and protected .

Rachel x

Rachel

The gut instincts you mention I know all to well. Gut instincts or red flags are feelings/signs which I'm only too familiar with and so often ignored them.

Even recently things were said to me and my head said "w*f" but years of being made to feel paranoid and never really knowing fact from fiction I thought maybe I was reacting to another because of the past.

I now know no matter what the situation never to ignore that guy instinct. It serves me well x

Been a while since my last post - life has continued on an upwards happier path. Each and every day I have enjoyed. So much has happened and all for the good.

Me and my family are stronger and happier than we have probably ever been. No worries on what damage could be done to us.

short and sweet post - life is good because we are keeping safe

Hi keep,

Pleased to read your life is improving,and you are getting peace of mind.

Keep keeping safe and take care,

Suzanne xx

It's been a while since my last post so a quick update

Life continues to moves forward in a direction that I couldn't be happier with. Family are all well and happy. So much to keep us all entertained busy and happy. My life feels full and enriched by all the changes I made I don't back often but when I do its to see just how far I've come and the good life I'm now making for myself

Always - keeping safe

Hi S,

Lovely to read your post and all is well.

You helped so much on the beginning of my journey, you will never know, you kept pushing me and kept me going in those early dark days.

The days now are not dark and desparate, but I have to be vigilant every day, as I know a slip would never be too far away, and it would not be by choice,.

I have learnt a lot about myself, some of it good some of it not, but I do now know that addiction will never go away completely, I have to abstain and maintain ( as I call it essential advice from Duncs) and I have to think that every morning I wake up.

but that is good for me to stay safe clean and safe.

My life has changed quite a lot as yours has, and only for the better because neither of us has gambling in our lives now. For different reasons.

One thing I do realise now is I like all CGs were sucked in and could not get out even when we wanted to, and I will never treat another CG disrespectfully, (if that makes sense) because I now no the hell we go through whilst in the midst of it and the aftermath of fighting some days to keep abstaining.

You gave me so much determination In my early days on here by being (dare I say blunt) but it worked Shelley, and I will always be grateful to you, along with the CGS on here, who even when were at there lowest, still gave me that push and support.

I have a triangle I use on here, I know you had a different one on here for a while, and I am pleased you have found yourself, whether that being on your own or not.

I know you wanted answers as to why CGs destroy what they do when in the oblivion of gambling, well 200 days on I can only tell you how I feel now about it, it's a compulsion that gets inside of you and even if you was sitting in a room on fire you would not move until you had fed it your last penny, we have no control once it hooks it's fishing rod into us, as much as we struggle to be free, it just eats us up ( if that makes sense).

Sorry I am rambling, but I feel emotional today,, because it's nobody's fault when someone gets addicted to gambling not the CG or any member of their family, it's random, some gamble for fun, and some get swallowed up, a bit like Russian roulette, ( excuse the pun) what I a, trying to say and sorry for rambling, is be kind to yourself.

I am a Scorpio, I have never gone back to anything once I have moved away, ie jobs, marriages, I have been married twice, I call my OH simply that because we are not married, I won't get married again,,my 2 sons are from my first marriage,

All I am trying to say is do what you want to do and what is in your heart, and I am so pleased you are finding normality and peace,

Take care and continue to stay safe and enjoy today, and tomorrow Ofcourse lol.

Sorry if this sounds deep I want you to be happy within yourself

Suzanne xx

R

Thanks for your message and support,

Stay safe

Suzanne xx

Afternoon diary a brief update as nothing much to report which for me is a good thing .... Life ticking along nicely finished all my Christmas shopping all wrapped and hidden away ready for the big day. Work trotting along nicely and no real stresses there putting my foot down did me the biggest favour ever. For too long with everyone either personal or professional life I've felt like a doormat for everyone to wipe their feet on well 2014 was my year to put a stop to all of it and I did. Life is all the better for it. The sense of relief that Xmas is paid for with not a single penny in debt begged or borrowed and I did it all on my own is immense. This year I have achieved so much and 2015 will only be a better year for me and mine. The ups and downs don't affect me like they used to I just shrug the rubbish days off and revel in the good ones. Pleased to report tho I can't remember the last rubbish day I had.. For those struggling to cope, there is an alternative you don't have to put up with lies deceit debts etc I look back at the life I once had and can't believe I lived it for so long knowing it was so wrong. Today everything is right.