New Member Needing To Just Talk

Thank you half life.

I am slightly even more worried now, we were speaking about it again last night and now he says he doesn't think he has a problem, just thinks he has been really stupid. I suppose I am concerned that not enough steps have been taken especially at this time where I would have thought they would feel at their worst so surely should use that feeling to take all the help he can as I know he will be less likely to look for help when he feels in a better frame of mind. I think aswell that it is hard because I know he can abstain from it for long periods of time, that was really 3 seperate occasions since august and then a longer period of around 5 weeks. He said he doesn't see a point in blocking all the sites because he can go to a bookies, he said if he wanted to gamble there would be a way for him to do it. We spoke again about me getting access to all of his money including his wages an he could get a weekly amount of money, he is not up for this but says I can check his bank accounts whenever I want which i suppose I just have to get in the habit of doing. I am not sure how I am going to feel about doing that, I already make lots o the decisions, I am a mum to a toddler a lot of things end up with me taking charge of it and now I will be checking up on my partner all the time, ( I don't want this to sound selfish but who is going to be making sure I am alright and dealing with everything) feels a bit odd but I am prepared to take any steps that are needed, it will just take a bit of getting used too. I suppose my main concern is after speaking last night he doesn't see himself with a gambling problem any more where as he did on Saturday. He has asked for time to prove himself and he can only show me how serious he is with time but as I said he can abstain for long periods of time so I will have to be on guard forever more. Just a lot to deal with on top of being a mum to a toddler and having another one on the way.

Alison

Good news!

So after continually speaking about this problem and explaining the impact it is having on myself and my family he has accepted and can see he has a problem that isn't going to go away by it's self. He has decided to go to one on one counselling to try and manage this problem as best he can. I honestly feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I am under no illusion that this will fix it and I know this is only the very first step and we will put lots of other detterents in place but I feel the counselling is one of the biggest steps he could make to try to understand it and deal with the urges differently when they inevitably come again.

Has any one got any success stories from counselling or likewise any stories about when it hasn't worked?

alison

My son is a compulsive gambler. As Half-Life wrote unfortunately on this side of the forum you hear things that you don't necessarily want to hear but at least it gives you a heads up to what is most likely in store.

It is a progressive disease. While at first the binges may be fairly spread out they start getting closer and closer together(certainly in my experience anyway). The CG thinks that it is entirely controllable and they truly do beleive this! Counselling is certainly worth a shot but my son tried this a few times and I am pretty sure he was just as manipulative with the counsellor as he was with us. Again unless they are really doing this for themselves and not as a way to placate the family nothing is going to change. My son started finding recovery when he started attending GA... but this was entirely his decision.

When we first found out about the gambling I got him into therapy, read him the riot act and had him swearing up and down he had learned his lesson and was done. Little did I know that almost 8 years later things would be even worse! It can be a long road but you really need to look after yourself financially and emotionally or they will take the entire family down into hell with them.

There is always hope for them but you will learn that it rests entirely on THEIR shoulders!!

Has anyone been watching BBC s programme "Britain at the Bookies" ?

I have just stumbled across this programme and wondered what people's thoughts were?

I'm not going there. I manage well when it comes to my gambler, I really appreciate my gam anon meetings and the honesty there, but really I can't stand to hear people at our local talking about their bets, some aspects of all this I am quite fragile, I'm not going to put myself through an hour of despair, my happiness means too much to me.