I first posted on this forum in 2013, after 2 years of winning and then losing huge amounts and getting into £55k of personal debt. Still in DMP to cover those losses.
fast forward to today 17/08/2017. Its got worse and results in my stealing money from my own business to fund this destructive habit. A customer recently paid me £17k in advance for work that hasn't been done and was to cover labour for myself and 2 employees plus material's. Well that was 2 weeks ago and it has all been gambled online and lost. What makes this worse is it is a close family member I am doing the work for. They trusted me and have no idea the funds have gone.
That was money they set aside for the project. They cannot afford to pay twice! I have stolen that money and approximately £30k from my company bank account since December.
It gets worse with other borrowings (credit cards etc) in mine and wife's name. All gambled. I just don't know how I have done this.
Prior to 2011 and starting online gambling i was very sensible with money and should be living a comfortable lifestyle, not having sleepless nights worrying about paying bills and trying to think of a solution to my dire financial situation.
I understand and get that it's not all about the money, I obviously have a compulsion to gambling and need and now want to stop before it gets to the point of losing the family home, my marriage and daughters.
Hi amt ,
Sorry to learn of your troubles , there's no easy fix to this is there and only you can find the strength and resolve to fight this addiction of ours and stop any further damage .
I don't know if you have anyway of covering the building work that your relative paid for ? but obviously he's oblivious to your gambling problems and it's going to be difficult to have a normal relationship if and when this comes to light .
Have you told anyone about your addiction/ money problems yet ? Obviously it's your call but sharing the problem maybe the way forward for you as Gambling hates having knowhere to hide ! .
I'm not being alot of help here but obviously you have to try and get some blocks in place to try and remove the ability to gamble , easier said than done I know if you have your own business but if your serious about getting yourself out of the mire then thing's will have to change , there's really no alternative my friend , which again goes back to confiding in someone that could maybe manage your finances for a while or at least until you feel you have some control back ? .
Sorry I can't be more use but your not alone and if you need to talk were all here :)) .
All the best for now Buddy .
Hi Alan,
Really appreciate your reply, I have only recently (last 2 weeks) been back here reading a lot of post's etc and the time you take replying to others is very commendable.
For now I think I need to take a step back and get some normality in my everyday life. Constantly stressing about finances (business and personal) is beginning to take its toll on me mentally. Lack of sleep and 11-12 hour days hard graft is physically challenging as well.
My wife has noticed it this evening. She is not aware of this recent (last 8 months) destructive spree and I'm not at the moment ready to talk about it with her. She knew previously and I surrendered my joint account bank card to her and said that was me finished with gambling. But as you know if your not ready to stop then nothing will get in your way. Devious behaviour not usually associated with my character came into play.
I have self excluded in the past from my then usual websites but then several months after find a new site to join. Tried blocking software, as soon as the 12 month subscription had expired I was back on. (Be it several year's ago)
To be honest my current situation is a disaster, thousands of pounds in debt personally, business wise I've had the best year profit wise and gambled the lot, no funds to pay corporation tax at end of month, money owed to suppliers etc. I've got a list as long as my arm of debts owed.
I decided to post tonight as it was getting a bit overwhelming, I don't like losing and am very stubborn but I have come to the conclusion that the monies lost are gone and that gambling has won. I don't like it but that's the way it is. No point chasing any more as I'd never win enough to cover the debts and if did it would be gone again as I can't stop, no amount would be enough.
Welcome back, you in the right place here. I feel your pain, I am only 24 hours gamble free, after a few months of hard playing and loosing in another relapse.
Here to support,, not much advice to give as I am in the same boat at this early stage.
Maybe a wise move regarding taking a little time to get the fog to lift , Obviously if the business is doing well and youv'e had a really good year then there's no reason that won't continue into the next , maybe that's where you need to start by throwing yourself back into the business , I did the same thing after arriving here a couple of years ago and it did the trick , gave me something to focus on and kept me occupied and out of the bookies .
Is a remortgage the answer or business loan until things improve for you ?
I can identify with being agambler who doesn't like losing and I really think that's one of the reasons we keep going back for more as we cant bere the thought of us not coming out on top , I guess it's looking for revenge really .
I just held my hands up and said " That's it youve won" in the end , bug.ger the money it's gone and for once in my life I'm not going to chase it and it seems do have helpewd to be honest , just about acceptance really 🙂
Anyway I wish you agood night buddy , try to get some sleep eh as tommorows another day to make some change :))
Talk to you soon :))
Start of day 2, had 6ish hours sleep which is more than been used to, although feel shattered! Unfortunately due to amassing a mountain of credit card debt and recent pay day loans to fund the gambling my credit rating is bad.I applied for a working capital business loan yesterday and was refused. Due to credit check no doubt.
Remortgage for bad credit might be an option but it would have to be a joint application. The amount of credit card debt my wife has is due to me, using cash withdrawals and taking money transfers to bank account to pay off her other cards! (didn't do that gambled it) I have blown £13k in her name. I am paying those balances off but 3-4 years before they will clear. Gambling has resulted in me being very dishonest and deceitful.
Target for today is to just get through the day and evening focusing on what I have got and should be grateful for.
amt - you need help here, I do get the desire not to tell but as you say it's the deceipt and lies that you have been giving that you also need to face into.
There are consequences to what you have done, you need to accept that. Any normality, no matter how much you crave it is just a continued lie for now. You need to get a grip with these finances, sounds like you have a successful business but the credit rejection is only a sign of how bad things are under the surface.
The only way you are going to get this under control is to get everything out in the open, with someone at least.
I've been where you are many times and my greatest regret is how long it has always taken me to talk.
I probably have more to stress about now, I still have my addiction, I have the dissapointment of those around me, I have the debt, the lies and manipulation still haunting me everyday, I have whatever it was that mentally let me convince myself gambling was a good option, my children go without everyday (previously I overly compensated) my marriage is in tatters and who knows where that will go. But my secret is out. I no longer 'need' to lie, I don't need to get to the post before my wife, I don't need to find excuse after excuse as to where my money is. I've had some time off work recently (holiday) - I've watched my children laugh, I've sat on the beach and looked out to sea, I've taken in the fresh air, I've had a taste of normality. The road ahead is long and will continue to be challenging but my credit score has improved from 126 to just over 500, I am no longer hiding, I wish you well but urge you to recognise that this can be your time, this can be your moment to turn things around.
I am a compulsive gambler, today I will choose to not gamble
Hi amt722, well done for coming here and seeking help. The one thing that stood out for me was that you said the blocking software worked until the subscription expired. How about you get that blocking software back on the computer and pay to keep it going. The cost of the software will pay for itself.
Good luck
ItMattersMore
@amt722 well done on 5 days GF, I believe the longer we go the better things get so stay strong and don't give the industry any of your hard earned cash.
28 days of no gambling, I have had thoughts and urges but have accepted the huge losses financially and still have the aftermath of that to deal with for several year's. To date I have no interest in wasting a single penny more of hard earned monies. I accept that this will probably get harder as the days pass, I must not get complacent and will not return to the sleepless nights and constant worry of finding money to cover bills etc because I had lost it online. I do miss the buzz of the big win, the online slot game special features. the ideology of winning a huge sum to clear all debts and have money to spend on what me and my family want. Well I tried that for approximately 10 years and it never happened. The more I won the more I lost, then chased the losses and it results in misery, debt and regret. 28 days done, taking it a day at a time and staying strong.
It's great to hear you are going strong. I am sure those debts are heading in the right direction now there is no gambling.
Have you come up with a solution to get the customers work done?
Cheers
IMM
Hi IMM,
Good to hear from you and a belated congrats on reaching the 100 days. I'm in on Mixer's guru challenge and will reach 'Striver' status in 2 days. (30 days).
I have been working on the customers project, so basically working for nothing but it's the only solution to be honest. I have another customer who owes me for 5 weeks work ( for me and 2 employee's) so that has basically left me penniless at the moment. The joy's of being in business!!
So I'm in a worst position financially than when I was gambling but I know that when that money comes in that it won't be gambled. I have had access to money at times during the past 30 days and have not been tempted to waste it online. I've expected the losses and am taking each day at a time.
All the best
I have got to my first target and am continuing the fight. 30 days since I finally accepted the losses and admitted defeat to gambling. I have'nt gambled for 30 days, no urges because I'm done with it. Taking each day as it comes and I won't be going back to a life of misery. My family life, my business and mental health will continue to thrive without gambling.
Have gone 50 days gamble free. With will power alone this has been achieved. I don't recommend this to any other person but for me this was the way I wanted to go. Continuing to take one day at a time. Will have debt for many years but each month that is now reducing rather than being added to. I am still a complusive gambler but choose not to gamble.
Glad to see you are still ticking off the days.
Agreed it isn't an approach for everyone but it is an approach that is working for myself. It gets easier as the days tick off.
In some ways I think it helps me that I don't regularly attend meetings or appointments that remind me of what I have done in the past or that I am a CG.
I live each day as it comes without that constant reminder.
Keep it up!
ItMatters
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