Advice needed!!!!

Hi Notawinner

How many times did I chase my losses? Do exactly as you did, well maybe not that amount on a single bet, but the end result was the same.

In my opinion, self exclusion doesn't really achieve that much. It will assist the gambler who really wants to stop, but otherwise? I was quite happy to drive 2 hours to have a punt. How many venues would I have to self exclude from to cover that area?

" I allready have loans and credit cards to pay off, how am i guna hide this from my partner??".... You don't! Your partner will very likely find out at some stage of the gambling losses. It is better for both concerned if she finds out from you. When you do tell her, be absolutely honest with her, reveal all the debts that you have built up due to your gambling. Once all the cards are laid out on the table, you will be able to freely talk about your problem and work out the best course of action as your next step.This will be very hard for both of you. She will probably be very angry, disappointed, and betrayed. She has every right to feel this way.

The next course of action is to hand over your finances to your partner or relative. Take away your easy access to money and thus minimise your opportunities to gamble. Your an adult, I know this is hard to accept but it is necessary. I was 50 or 51 when I handed over my finances to a family member,(6 years ago), and to this day they have online access to monitor any suspicious activity.

Get over those 2 hurdles and then think about attending GA meetings or similar. Like any addiction, this is going to be hard for you to recover from, so you are going to need all the help you can get.

Best wishes and keep in touch

Hi Wal

Thank you very much for your comment and advice. It's good to know that I am not alone in what I am going through.

I really can't see any way possible to tell my partner about all of this. She would be absolutely deverstated about it all. I know what I have done is wrong but if I tell her then she will allmost definitely leave me.

It just shows that I don't deserve someone so special in my life because of the way I have treated her for all this time.

I have had to lie for many years to cover up why i never have money even though my salary from my job is 10k a ywar more than heres but i allways blame it on me just being bad with my money and spending alot on luxurious lunches whilst im at work etc. To tell her the truth would break her and us a couple. The reason I am here today is to avoid this and try to get it under control to avoid me having to come clean and lose everything including my amazing partner, my future kids with her and the roof above our heads that she cherishes so much.

I have gone one step further today than i have ever done before. I have come clean to a close friend. He is going to change all my verified by visa passwords on my bank accounts so i can not make online payments. He has said that if i need it for shopping etc he will tell me then change it again straight afterwards so i hope this will help me significantly.

Lets just hope this is the last Day1 of giving up gambling that i have and do not end up repeating this whole process again and again!

Congratulations on your success story! I really hope i can follow suit!

Hi notawinner,

So much in your statement is similar to my own experience. I always set out with good intentions and set limits etc. only to become more ingenious at getting round them. I think I must have opened an account with every bookmaker availble online to UK customers and at some point decided enough is enough with each one and self excluded my self from their site (not befpre loosing a substantial amint of money on each one!). I completely agree with the comment about multi-self exclusion if all the companies are regulated why can't they talk to one another!

I have lied about my addiction for years now. I feel the same that I am too far down the rabbit hole to tell the truth and I have to dig myself out of it. It took a real personal low point to trigger me to join this site, I live 6 hours travel from my family and my grandma was in the hospital. I was in town for 1 day and had an opportunity to go visit her. instead I spent the afternoon in Ladbrookes betting on the horses/grayhounds/slots. I came out 500 down and had to lie about visiting to my family. It is great that you have a positive trigger in trying for a baby try to think about that when you feel the urge to gamble. I have found writing about my addiction has helped no end. I still haven't told my wife but I am 30days clear now, well done for telling a friend I still haven't managed that yet I don't know if I ever will.

Giving up gambling is very hard, I still get cravings, part of my motivation to log on today was because I was feeling the craving. But sharing experiences is really helpful.

Good luck.

Chris

Thanks Chris. I have just read your diary and it's amazing how i can relate to your story as much as i can.

I am getting huge urges right now but this site is the only thing keeping me out of the online casino.

Good luck with your journey. I hope we can both be gambling free moving forwards, for our families, more than anything, but if not, for ourselves!

Hi! I agree Online is the worst nightmare, you don't feel the weight of what you doing, when it happens on real machine with real money i feel terrible, sick and weak. Online even after spending thousands, as you said it's like not real. Happens so quickly. They should make a multi self exclusion from all websites or ban your bank card from sites which accessible from uk, it is just too easy to access them.
If you dont tell your partner what you doing you risk that you might do it again, not now, maybe next week meanwhile you secretly trying to save money to make it look less bad in front of her eyes. When we feel 'better' and less cautious, that is when it comes out and causes pain and misery again. I don't blame you if you try to start to be clean without her, not risking the relationship, but with her help would be easier for you to stay strong i think.

Hi Notawinner

Excellent news that you have told your friend of your problem, and even better that they have agreed to assist with your finances.

re you telling your close friend, and not your wife? I understand your reasoning, however I would like you to consider this from her perspective. You have a problem, you confide in and ask for help from a friend.... how do you think your wife would react if she finds this out? As always, this is only my opinion. There are no absolutes.

You may well succeed in hiding your debts, and paying them off before your wife ever finds out. If so, I wish you all the best, but I worry about the ramifications if she does ever find out.

re you feeling 'unworthy' of your wife. This feeling is common amongst gamblers. However, I can guarantee that if you stay gamble free, and given time, you will like yourself again, and most importantly, you will know that you are indeed worthy, and deserve the happiness that a good life can bring.

Best wishes