am new and sad :(

Hi,

Many people including youself can have "the odd flutter" and enjoy gambling. Myself this is something I can't do because I'm a complusive gambler. I need to win back what I've lost and more, if I do I still can't stop.

If anyone gambles more they can afford to lose, or uses money that should provide them with the basic needs for life, then I'm sorry to say they have a gambling problem. This applies to people with fantastic salaries to those who are unemployed.

So if you put money on to his account you are fueling his habit and giving him extra funds after he has lost all he has or can afford to lose. This action you must stop immediately. Depression comes with gambling, having the "buzz" whilst your stakes are in-place is a short fix for the depression (in your son's case during a poker game). Win or lose the depression will be back and also the need to gamble again.

You know the amount that you fund his account with, but do you know how much he gambles everyday, week etc? This is what you need to find out, then do the simple math to determine if he gambles more than he needs to live or recieves in benfits as you have also said "he doesn't work". If he is the one of many who thinks he's good enough to make a living from poker or gambling again these a tell-tale signs of a compulsive gambler.

As his mother sit down with him and talk openly and honestly. Ask to see his gambling account and transactions. If he has nothing to hide he will allow you to do so. Maybe suggest he hands his financies over to you for a 2-3 months to see how things go.

Wishing you all the best. Keep the forum updated on how you get on and ask any questins you like. TY

Hi tbh I've never come across a post like this.

Where to start.......

Firstly if you think your son has a gambling problem feeding his addiction is not going to help him
Tbh you're probably making it worse.
When you say get his lifestyle back or his "stash" do you mean his gambling or real life?
I know you say he hasn't stole anything but why would he need to if you're funding his gambling?
People only steal through desperation.
Have you thought about asking him to quit gambling then even if you're not a gambling addict you could do it with him maybe?
Basically if you think he has a problem. Giving him money is the equivalent to buying drug's for a heroine addict it won't solve anything it will only add to the problem

I never thought of it like that before - there would be no problem in me not gambling at all

he doesn't claim any benefits - and he also doesn't work, he lives off any poker winnings,

he asks me from time to time to put money on his poker - if I can't he is ok about it,

I would love him to get a job, I dont know whats stopping him, seems to have no confidence.

I really dont know if he has a problem, or if I am overly worried he has. or am i making excuses for him.

his mood usually determines mine - he moody = am panicking - he happy = then am relaxed

am lost, confused, worried, is he depressed and gambles - or gambling making him depressed

I dont even know if this is right place to start to look for help or if the help is for me or him

sorry 🙁

Is there reason for you to believe he has a problem?
I mean people can gamble and not be an addict. Yourself for instance are one of those

I know you say he's moody sometimes again so is everybody
No one is happy 100 percent of the time
Maybe he just needs a job to put some structure in his life

I don't mean to step the mark but is it you that has a problem. I don't mean with gambling it could be anything.
Maybe in your head you're trying to shift the focus on to something else ie your son instead of something that's going on with you.

Generally if he is gambling more than he can afford. And it's taking over his day to day life. Then he has a problem

Hi. It might be worth giving the helpline a call and discussing your concerns with them. Sometimes, it's easier to talk through a worry than try to explain it on here. There's also an assessment tool on here that you could ask him to complete which might be helpful for you both. Does he think he has a problem? Is it something you've discussed with him?

i am scared to discuss it with him - I dont want to push him into anything

I haven't asked if he has a problem

My problem is am worried its all to much and he will do something stupid

I echo Life Begins... call the Helpline and discuss and get some guidance as to your concerns and how to proceed. Try and be completely honest with them so they get the whole picture.

Cathyx

I can understand that you're scared to discuss it with him. However, there must be some level of dialogue going on for you to be putting money into his account. How does that play out? Does he come and ask you? Is it often? What does he do if he's out of funds and you don't have the money to help him out?

Have a look at the assessment tool. Read the questions and see if you think they apply to him. If you do decide to discuss it with him, It doesn't have to be a big sit down confrontation..it can be a gentle probing of what's going on with him. If he does have a problem he might even be relieved to be able to share it. At the end of the day, by asking you to fund him he hasn't kept it a secret so I think you're entitled to open up a conversation about how it's going, and (if you're feeling brave) voice some of your concerns. Let him know you're there for support. Would it be so bad to tell him you're worried for him and to let him know to talk to you if he's finding it all too much? If you're approach is kind, gentle, non-judgemental and supportive then it's hard to see a downside. You could start by telling him he absolutely doesn't have to talk to you if he doesn't want to, but you want to let him know that you're there for him. Of course, he may well deny it all or become upset or angry. Even so, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't speak to him about it.

x simples x wrote:

i am scared to discuss it with him - I dont want to push him into anything

I haven't asked if he has a problem

My problem is am worried its all to much and he will do something stupid

Hi, I echo the advice in calling the help-line. However what ever you do there will have to be dialogue between you and your son.

I don't know how long you've had these concerns or what finally brought you here but as a loving mother act now.

When is was betting heavily last year no-way would I have accepted I was a compulsive gambler even though I was betting hundreds of pounds every week and occurring thousands of pounds of debt. So you will meet resistance from him.

Can your son be building up secret debt? Please don't turn a blind eye to it all, be strong and act now, find out the truth in your concerns

Speak to him head on....its better you speak to him and tackle your feelings head on...otherwise if he does do something stupid..it will be far worse! And it'll be all too late for anything to be done.

Also if he does have a problem..its best you dont expose him to your own gambling(no matter how small ut is)

Goodluck