Hi all
I have been here before and I have gambled again! I stopped for almost three months then I went back to this disgusting disease because I can't handle life itself. Why does this horrible curse make you forget the pain? Make you forget the damage you done previously? Why when time goes by does it trick your mind into thinking that this time will be different!! I know inside of myself that for the past 20 years and spending over 100k on gambling that it's never going to change so why do it?? I want to stop I'm so desperate, I have CBT but it doesn't really stop the impulses and I'm on depressants im at a loss as to why I keep continuing. It's destroying my family my finances and out lives. I'm going to post here every day, I have cut up my cards and my husband has control of the finances I just feel utterly miserable and so MAD that I can't overcome gambling. I stopped smoking 8 years ago and beat but not this. I have to stop and show my son and husband I can do this and move on. I'm fed up with the vicious cycle of gambling then self torture myself and my family and back to square one again.
Thanks for listening everyone I will continue to post. Sorry for the rant I feel demented with this disease.
Hey there,
Wow! Very honest opening post and i am sat here with tears in my eyes. (For a good reason..don't fear!)..i see so much determination in you it's unreal. You sound really committed and open for changes. Yes, changes are needed here and it's a long way to go but please believe me that road will get easier to walk, you will see the world in more colourful lights, you will feel with your heart and soul and you will smile like never before вє
Recovery is an opportunity to makes things right. It's an opportunity for a new life. Grab it, enjoy it and share it dear soldier.
You're in the right place. I am glad you found GC, you are not on your own. Accept the support, look at things you can change, forgive yourself for the past mistakes and create the future for the loved ones and yourself you so deserve. No lies, no hiding behind the screen , pure YOU with your heart and soul вє
Keep making the right choice one day at a time, you will soon start seing the benefits recovery brings . Don't be scared - embrace your life and all what it brings on the way вє
Take care and keep posting!
Sandra
Good morning!
what an opening post, that really got to me reading that. i can only really echo sandras comments. we here are a family of like minded people who are all either compulsive gamblers or family members of compulsive gamblers.
id reccomend you have a read through other peoples diaries as there are many ways you can help yourself by putting blocks in place to stop you gambling etc. it really helps to motivate me by continuing to update my diary day in day out so i can look back and see how far ive come.
good luck in your recovery, i wish you all the best
Ben
I posted this the other day and it seemed appropriate to share with you
FEAR
f*** Everything And Run. or
face Everything And Recover
The choice Is yours KTF
It sounds like you are choosing the second option. I wish you well keep posting and reading on here it does help.
Hi guys
Finally getting round to my diary although it is 12.48 which is some time later, thank you all for your kind words they really give me insight and motivation to keep going forward.
How was my day today? Well I can say I am gambling free today and although I am still in a very vulnerable position where I still get thoughts of gambling I feel very strong, my husband said to me that he felt this seems to be the time where I am on the path to fighting this disease with determination, I am still wary but I feel stronger, I spent time with my son today uninterrupted by gambling and planning his first birthday and I felt really good about that, that I was focusing on the positives, although were financially strained I have found some ways to do things cheaper and can you imagine comparing that to the gambler in me that spends thousands in hours, I still can't believe I did that.. Maybe it's because the money is hidden? Maybe I was so wrapped up in gambling land that I could not see the the woods for the trees but the good thing is I am recognising how powerful and cunning my mind is! But today was a good day, after I spent time with my son my husband gave me a couple of pounds to go to the local gym and honestly the exercise gave me such a boost and I got a lot of my energy out, I think it's something I am going to focus on to keep mind busy, if money is tight I can do you tube exercise videos at home. I keep getting emails from the gambling companies and sometimes that makes me feel a tightening in my stomach but I am fully aware of the dangers and how complacent I can get, I feel more postive writing my thoughts down its really helpful and I can see clearly how I feel, I am going to go and read everyone's stories who replied on here and I will get back to you all, keep fighting this illness we CAN do it, like Oldham ktf quoted
f**k everything and run OR face everything and recover, how very true and I will continue to use this in fact I am going to print this off and keep in my purse to remind me so thank you!!
Thanks Ben and Sandra for your posts they have really helped me and I do hope we all keep in touch and continue to share our road to freedom from this disease.
H X
Hi guys
Finally getting round to my diary although it is 12.48 which is some time later, thank you all for your kind words they really give me insight and motivation to keep going forward.
How was my day today? Well I can say I am gambling free today and although I am still in a very vulnerable position where I still get thoughts of gambling I feel very strong, my husband said to me that he felt this seems to be the time where I am on the path to fighting this disease with determination, I am still wary but I feel stronger, I spent time with my son today uninterrupted by gambling and planning his first birthday and I felt really good about that, that I was focusing on the positives, although were financially strained I have found some ways to do things cheaper and can you imagine comparing that to the gambler in me that spends thousands in hours, I still can't believe I did that.. Maybe it's because the money is hidden? Maybe I was so wrapped up in gambling land that I could not see the the woods for the trees but the good thing is I am recognising how powerful and cunning my mind is! But today was a good day, after I spent time with my son my husband gave me a couple of pounds to go to the local gym and honestly the exercise gave me such a boost and I got a lot of my energy out, I think it's something I am going to focus on to keep mind busy, if money is tight I can do you tube exercise videos at home. I keep getting emails from the gambling companies and sometimes that makes me feel a tightening in my stomach but I am fully aware of the dangers and how complacent I can get, I feel more postive writing my thoughts down its really helpful and I can see clearly how I feel, I am going to go and read everyone's stories who replied on here and I will get back to you all, keep fighting this illness we CAN do it, like Oldham ktf quoted
f**k everything and run OR face everything and recover, how very true and I will continue to use this in fact I am going to print this off and keep in my purse to remind me so thank you!!
Thanks Ben and Sandra for your posts they have really helped me and I do hope we all keep in touch and continue to share our road to freedom from this disease.
H X
It's a great quote lots more where that came from.
KTF
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