Did you come clean or try and make things better?

James,

Gambling has been likened to a mistress. How would you feel if your wife met up with an old flame for a while behind your back, she didn't tell you because you didn't need to know, it ended and she's a bit moody but at least she was always careful not to put your health at risk? What you're proposing is the equivalent.

If you're serious about overcoming the gambling, do it properly. There's a lot of advice on the forum about keeping the time money-location-triangle broken, take one of these away and you can't gamble. Measures like permanent self exclusion, blocking software, downgrading your mobile to a brick, handing over full financial control to your wife and asking her to drip feed you minimal cash, finding a new hobby, these are all actions you can take to help you.

Also you will need support, GA is the best but there are others, not least of which this forum. GA is a group of people in a room all with the same problem and a common interest in finding solutions. Attending meetings is something you can do.

re telling her, my husband didn't tell me, I found out the hard way and it made a bad situation a whole lot worse. I found it very difficult to respect him because of what I saw as cowardice. However, I stayed, he stopped gambling and by his actions, demonstrated his commitment to staying clean. Several months later, he is still gamble free and our relationship is starting to improve. Telling is always daunting but it has to be done, because gambling is about secrecy and deceit, without these, it's hard to gamble. Recovery is about openness, honesty and transparency. Telling brings relief, even my husband says so, look at Shep's diary and Loxie's.

It's all doable, by you, for you. And if you don't do it, who will?

Wish you well,

CW

I tried to go alone make things better but was just kidding myself only started to admit accept and recover when I got it out in the open.

It was the hardest but most important step I have taken.

KTF

Hi,

I thought i could go it alone.

Just another punt where i might win then i can put the money back. Wife wont even know its missing. Then i can stop gambling for good. So easy!!!.

Even writing that sentence now seems foolish. I confessed just before the walls came tumbling down. I should have done it months previously but i was not ready to stop.

You will get questions. They will be angry. Stay calm and honest with your responses.

We are lucky on this forum to have an input from CW and Half LIfe who provide an honest input from the partner of a cg. Not always what we gamblers want to accept but the truth hurts.

Tell your other half please

Hi,

I thought I could do it alone.............Making a New Years resolution to stop my Gambling. NOT A CHANCE!

Then came January's loses and chasing, I knew I needed help, I had to tell my wife, but I put it off because early Feb is my daughters birthday, then it was soon to be valentines. These delays in Jan-Feb probably cost me £2K. I will never forget the13th February 2016, it was (and hopefully will remain) the date of my last ever bet. How a quick run into town for card and gift for my wife turned into near a £1K loss. I've mentioned before that I'd became numb to winning or losing, but that last bet hurt me so bad I hope it has changed me for the better. I told my wife soon after.

So what I'm saying is you need to tell your partner, you cannot fight this addiction alone. I believe I'm strong minded but this addiction beat me. I was the one who decided to attend GA meetings to show my wife I was serious about stopping and I honestly can say they really work. So give two or three meetings a try.

I second Balvaird in saying that we are lucky to have CW and Half-Life on this forum. They post most days offering advise and their personal dealings in living with a CG husband, wise words from experienced ladies.

Finally I also "delt with the banking", this got me no-where but deeper in debt. Small direct debits paying large credit card debts which all went unnoticed to my wife. Shocking, deceitful, but true.

Get her told, you'll become a better person from it.

Wishing you all the best.

James84 wrote:

I had a bad gambling problem about ten years ago but managed to get sorted and stayed away completely until last year, it started with football coupons and a reasonable win. Since then I have lost control, justifying any losses against the win which is now well spent and then some.

I know I can sort myself out but haven't admitted any of my losses to my wife and I know she will be devasted, not so much about the losses but the lies I have been telling for months. It has also affected my mood and we argue over stupid things.

Money is tight just now but we are not at rock bottom yet provided I knock it on the head now, I deal with the bank accounts so she is none the wiser.

I have self excluded myself from all my accounts and going to ask my sister to set up the K9 blocker on my phone.

Thanks for all your advice, I haven't spoken to my wife about it yet as she has a lot on her plate but have spoken to my sister at length and I will sit down with my wife later in the week. My sister has pretty much given me until next Monday to do it so I know what I need to do, just need to pick my time.

I managed to stay away from gambling tonight but it was touch and go, had thoughts on winning money back on the Real Madrid game but resisted temptation. 1 day down just the rest of my life to go, I will win this battle one day at a time.

Thanks for the update. It's not easy mate. I watched Man City last night which I enjoyed. However last week when I watched the Real Madrid highlights I thought "bet they go through" losing 2-0 in first leg. I'm glad it remained a thought (another 1up on my addiction), even though they did go through. Even if I had of bet & won I would of most probably have lost the lot on tonight's games!

Hope the right time comes soon to tell the wife. Not easy I know.

If you need to ask anything message me on my diary page or this one.

All the best.