Hi Everybody
I've literally just signed up to this site as i am sat at my mothers while my wife hates my guts at home. I've spent £6000 of our savings over the last 12 months and even though i had this amazing plan to put it right she has found out by looking at the savings account. I dont know who i was kidding but all i know its the 5th time now and my relationship is hanging by a thread. When i gamble which is mostly online blackjack it soons spirals out of control. I can sit there for 30 minutes and lose £100's. Last week i ended up playing and leaving my account at night with £650 in it, this was hard to leave but the wife was calling me to come to bed, i hate that i wanted to stay up gambling rather than going to sleep. I then woke at 7am knowing i had £650 online, by 7:30am i had blown the lot plus deposited another £200 which obviously we know the outcome was. She has found out everything and looked back through our statements, I am so ashamed i cant even talk to her but that just makes me a coward. I reall really want to get out of this cycle and just enjoy my life with my wife. While she thinks were saving for a house im gambling. I've never spoken to anybody nor addressed my issue so this is literally my first step. I dont know if my marriage will survive either as this was the last straw which hurts so bad. Any advice would be much appreciated to get me away from this killer habit
Dan , 29
Hi Dan and welcome to the forum , my names Alan and I'm a compulsive gambler who hasn't had a bet for 7 months .
We all on here understand completely how you must be feeling right now , weve all been forced to stop gambling because we are addicted , we know how much pain and anguish there is going on in your head and that feeling of nowhere to turn or what now ?.
Fella how ever bad you think things are they will get better , you won't see that now but trust me things can and will improve but you have to want that to happen , you have to want to stop gambling more than you want that next bet and if your up for the challenge youv'e come to the right place , full of support , advice and no judgement .
Your wife knows , so take that as a plus point again you may not realise it but sitting down and telling your loved ones that your a compulsive gambler who's been deceiving them for however long is not nice or far from easy .
Now it's out in the open you have to start by answering honestly any questions your wife wants to ask and be totally honest as the worst thing now would be to hold back and her to find out later you'd lied again , she's hurting , angry and doesn't trust you at the moment so thats something you need to understand, accept and build back up , one of our regular posters on here CW who's on the family and friends section is the wife of a CG , has said it's like you having an affair but with gambling intsead of another person and thats true , same lies , deceit and dirty little secrets , so maybe stand back and look at it from where she's standing ?.
You need to put some blocks in place to help you stop gambling , such as self exclusions , limiting yiour acces to cash or card by handing over finances to your wife maybe , we call it the time, money , location triangle and if its kept broken( take one away ) then you can't bet and it works , you could also look at counciling or attending GA meetings , gamcare offer free counciling and offer all sorts of advice regarding debt Management and putting extra blocks in place .
If you need to talk regarding anything that concerns you then post and someone will answer , untill then I wish you well and welcome to recovery !
Best wishes .........Alan
Thanks Alan, Deano.
Much appreciated. I feel by posting here i feel i have a slight weight off me that other people are in the same boat. I cant believe how destructive gambling is. I thought i had it under control but now my marriage is in tatters that is not the case. She is blaming me for ruining her life so now i have to do what i can to put it right. Is there any gambling blocking sites that dont cost you money to install ?
Hi again Buddy , yeah , I think you can download K9 for free ? and you should let her install the passwords , so you can't get around it maybe good to get her involved as well , possibly on the family and friends where she'd be able to talk with others affected by our gambling and receive some support of her own , we know how bad we feel , so you can imagine how this is hurting her ? . Showing her that your serious about giving up and allowing her to be involved in making sure your not going to gamble again could help over time to re build a bit of trust , not overnight but in time ?
Hi Dan , just left another post on the other Dannys page , its to both of you so you might be interested ?
Take care fella !
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