So I came this forum May last year after my boyfriend disclosed he had a gambling problem. So i was completely stupid. I monitored for a while took his cards offf him, he could only get money from me but it was proving difficult at times due to schedules as I would forget to leave money ect. things seem to settle down I kept his credit cards but he had his debit cards back. flash forward to tonight I was cleaning came a cross a bank statement and looked he has been gambling again. I feel so alone as I do not want to tell my parents, I am super close to my mum and has been hard not telling her in the past. I am devastated, i rang him as he is at work he has apologised and said he has done about £10,000 over the last couple months but stopped two weeks ago. He is a great boyfriend he treats me amazing really supportive as I have an incredibly stressful job (he gambling starting co-incides when i was really struggling at work and not the best person to be around). He always pays all the bills (I pay the mortgage) not got behind on them. I know he needs help I am just not sure if I can be around to support him I feel like i need to be selfish I am at the point i want to be married and have children and I can not do that with him.
hello rachel, sorry to hear what you are going through it must be really difficult what you are going through, as a gambler myself and struggle day in day out with this, please know that its nothing personal and the reason you dont know i reckon is because you also will mean the world to him and he wouldnt want to let you down, you really need to have a think sometimes is it better the devil you know than the one you dont? there is a site you can register on called gamblock i think that makes it so you cant create accounts on gambling sites but also it makes it so the accounts he already has for online betting are blocked too. maybe use this situation to your advantage and to his also as it may be a good idea to put stratergies in place to help him, maybe allow him a bank card and you transfer small amounts to it for him as and when he needs it that way he cant waste money? or maybe hide money in the home only small amounts incase you forget to leave it for him, dont give up on something i know its hard but do you really want to throw it away when something can potentially be done? gamcare offer free councelling and online chats that could maybe help him too? good luck either way xx
Hi Rachel I'm married to a cg, have 2 children. I don't understand why you can't have that. You say he supports you when you're stressed, but you can't support him when he's stressed? Because that's what it is, they gamble to escape. I have made similar mistakes to you, gave back the cards, let him keep a bank account, gave him cash without asking for receipt, etc. Reality is he chose to gamble. Gambling addiction feeds on secrets and lies. Why can't you tell? Why are compulsive gamblers treated like shameful secrets? I also made that mistake although I did tell initially. Take back the money, get him to cancel all his cards. He must sort out the debt. No more secrets. Honesty all the way. Find GA and gamanon meetings if this is the relationship you want. For me 2 hours a week is worth it. Peaceful life, bill's paid, compared to chaos.
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