Hi,
I started online sports gambling in the summer of 2011. I had been working nights for two years, and I had become really disillusioned and isolated being away from my wife night after night. I had never bet online before. And so when I started it was a fun and convenient way to spend time at work - watching the results of my bets was exciting. These were like bets of 10-20.
Then when I saw I was winning quite a lot, I gradually upped the stakes. Then I’d see that I’d lost 200-300. Because I felt I couldn’t afford to lose that, I tried to win it back. The nadir of this summer was when I gambled 1,500 on Maria Sharapova to win a match. Luckily she won and I recouped my losses and even made a profit. However, the experience freaked me out so much I didn’t gamble again for a few months.
Then, after a few months, when things were bad, or I was feeling low, I would return, and make the same mistakes again and again. Always the same pattern. I’d start by betting 20, and then chase the losses all the way up to an astonishing amount. I remember in one day I lost 1,000, only to win it back by betting 3,000 on a Russian football match. I remember doing the same thing, and betting 4,000 on a table tennis match to win losses back. This always seemed to work, until this time. I have lucked out and hit my rock bottom.
At the beginning of the day I had 6,700 in savings. Now I have zero. I have just been made redundant and my wife has just taken a massive pay cut to work for the RSPCA. I feel like I have stolen from her. I feel I have betrayed her. I have told her what I have done, and she says she forgives me. But I feel such an overwhelming sense of self-loathing I don't know where to turn.
I don't know how it came to this. I really want to stop for good now, and I hope I can, but it feels like a long, lonely road ahead. I feel fortunate that unlike others I haven't got into debt yet, but if I don't find a job soon, it won't be long.
Thanks for listening. I know that was pretty long.
Well you have taken the right step in bringing yourself to this website were you can find all sorts of help & advice. But you should definitely exclude yourself from all online bookmakers & get some blocking software for your computer so you can't get access to these sites when you get low. Also find your local GA meeting and go along, find it very helpful talking in person to people who have overcome the same compulsive addiction as are selves and listening to the advice they give is priceless.
Remember from admitting you need help & want to stop there is only one way to go and that is up step by step day by day hour by hour you will feel better. First time giving advice hope it helps 1%
Thanks very much for your reply.
I've gone nearly 72 hours since the big blow-out. My wife has been incredibly supportive. I of course know that now isn't the dangerous time. I have no inclination to go anywhere near an online gambling site because it's all too raw. The trouble will come in a few weeks / months when the shock of losing that much money has died down.
I can imagine thinking in a few months 'it wasn't that bad'. 'No one left me over it'. 'If I do it again people will forgive me and be there to support me'. That is the danger I am trying to face up to.
I have made an appointment with my GP on Wednesday but not sure how much good that will do?
I haven't told anyone but my wife, and I really don't feel the inclination to at the moment. I am meeting my brother for his birthday tomorrow. I don't want to tell him but fear I may break down and cave in anyway.
It's been a really hard three days since, and hopefully things will improve, but never to the extent where I will forget what havoc I caused with my reckless gambling.
Thanks again.
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