Morning everyone. I’m new here and at the VERY beginning of my journey as in it literally started yesterday. Been gambling for many years, it’s a total secret. I’m ashamed. I earn good money, I’ve earned an extra 70k this year from my business - blown the lot. It could have cleared all my debt (I’m with step change) or even paid my mortgage off. I’m writing the figures down because for anyone else reading this at the start of your journey I want to highlight the reality that you will never win.
anyway like many of us I’ve tried so desperately hard to stop so many times. But yesterday I can honestly say was the first time EVER that I’ve controlled my urges and not gambled. This was only day one so I’m scared of what’s to come but there is also a quiet confidence in me that I was able to manage three VERY intense urges yesterday and that’s something I have never been able to do before.
The difference was actively using this forum and the online chat. I’ve convinced myself before that I could do it myself well it’s never worked up to now. So I thought what have I got to lose? Let’s try it - I honestly didn’t think it would work, I’m not new to gamcare, but this is the first time I’ve actively used it and actively used it during an urge EVEN WHEN I didnt think it would work. Well guess what, it did work, and I can see this forum, the chat, being my life saver.
one thing I wanted to ask because I want to actively use the support rather than just sit in the background like I have previously - one thought that’s going through my head is that once I clear my debts and save some money up, I’ll just play (online slots) now again because I enjoy it and I’ll probably win some money. It’s like I’m convincing myself I’m going to gamble safely again in the future when I’ve cleared my debts and got money saved
is this a normal feeling/thought process to have? Has anyone else experienced this?
im honestly feeling so proud of myself today because although im on day one, i feel something different in me by being able to control the urges. I know ive got a hell of a journey ahead of me but This time truly feels different.
thank you if you got to the end I think this was more a diary log for me
Hey, well done for controlling the urge that is HUGE. I am also at the start of my journey (or restart) I quit for a year and did soooo well then unfortunately relapsed and this past year has been so hard. I'm 1 week GF atm and I relate to the urges so much. I've managed to resist so many over the past week and it has been tough but I keep telling myself if I resisted yesterday I can again today and keep trying to focus on how good it has felt to not spend my free time gambling this past week.
As for the future thoughts of using the slots responsibly unfortunately that is your mind playing tricks on you. I had the EXACT same thoughts after being one year GF I thought I could have it under 'control' and play again but I was soooo wrong. The only way forward is to stop all together and never look back xxx
Hi there.
Well done on fighting those urges 👏👏👏💪. I would say if you are determined and committed this time around not to gamble, then put every block in place there is possible. They most definitely stop you in your tracks when those big urges appear (which in the early days, they will do frequently).
Gamstop for the maximum period of 5 years with auto renewal
Gamban (which will block all those dodgy overseas sites). The advisors on here can give you a free link.
Block your bank cards for any gambling transactions
Moses if you use betting offices
Sense - I think for casinos - I never used casinos so not a hundred percent on this.
Write in your diary frequently/read others (feel free to read mine - “April Fools”). I find often on here lots of people don’t use their diary to its full advantage or read/respond to others.
Attend GA (this wasn’t for me however but I am doing fine with all my blocks in place and using my diary/reading others).
I wish you all the best on your g.f journey. If you stay strong and determined not to gamble again, your life will only get better in more ways than one. I can vouch for that!👌.
Take care.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Hi e
Firstly well done. Those urges are nasty and it's fantastic that instead of acting on those urges, instead you came on here and connected either with posts or the helpline. That's a brave step and be proud that you opted out of the escape. Day one is the most important day far more important than 1 year, 5 years etc.
In terms of the other things you mention, I'm also in early recovery being 110 days today after wasting 44 years gambling in every way possible and funded the same way. I had an absolute nightmare first month. I really went through is but kept coming on here, going in the chatrooms and learning from people. I realised I wasn't alone and everyone was going through the same thing. The first time I went to GA a guy shared and I thought he had done years of research on my life and was telling my story. Same with the second person and third and so on. I found my tribe on here and in GA.
Again only talking for myself and your journey is your journey. I can't ever place a bet again in my life. I can't do the lottery, raffle, bet, play free spins, go into a bookies etc because I crossed the line and there is no responsible gambling in me. I know where it will lead and I will never be able to learn how to control it.
Glad to hear you are getting actively involved. If you want to read a life crash story, I put up my own story on here in the recovery diaries. It's called My Story. Be warned it's a long read so get a large coffee
Thank you where would I find the recovery diary?
the urges have come in waves today. 3 bad ones so far. Managed to avoid them all. But certainly had the thoughts creep in or ‘just play with £50 and then stop’ and I’ve earnt a decent amount of money today at work so that’s sat therein my account and I’m thinking ‘can it hurt I’ve had some extra money just spend a bit of it and try and win some back’ - but we all know where that ends. It ends in the whole lot being blown and me having nothing to show for it again. Gosh this is so very hard though when my brain is playing such tricks on me convincing me I could just make a small deposit. I’m staying strong but quite honestly I don’t know how.
Hi e
If you click forum, then scroll down to recovery diaries, then look down the topics on the left until you find My Story.
First couple of weeks are the worst mate. I promise you it does get better, easier, not easy but better. First of all your brain rewires and then if you start to replace the dopamine with things like walking, connecting as in not only talking to people but noticing the simpler things in life, then at some point life is so much better and you don't actually want to gamble. That said, complacency has to be watched out for which you have exactly described above.
Can i make a suggestion which I found incredibly powerful. Do a search online for free pdfs AA big book. Go to page 16 which is Bill Ws story and have a read. He set up alcoholics anonymous but addiction is addiction. It was written nearly 100 years ago but it was like reading my life gambling story.
@lp5vut869c than you so much, feel free to make all the suggestions, I am open to absolutely anything right now, I will defo check that out. I can’t believe how I’ve not given in to these urges because this has been my story for so long. I’ve wanted to stop for so long, normally when I get a big order at work I’m eager to immediatelt gamble some of it - I don’t know how I’m managing to resist but somehow I am. I never understood the impact on the brain until I spoke to someone on live chat today. I can’t believe how much it must also have been negatively impacting my health. I can’t wait for my brain starting to rewire because I feel like it will be one of those things where I’ve lived like this for so long that I don’t know another way, I always feel flat and lethargic and tired and I just thought it was because I’m busy but now I’m wondering if maybe this has been contributing to it. I have so much to learn and I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. Thank you very much
Hi e
it's on page four of the recovery diaries.
Hi e
Couple of points there, yes the advisors on the live chat and in the chatrooms are absolutely amazing. My biggest worry about recovery was that i knew everything about gambling and nothing about recovery. Once I started the 12 steps at GA I came to recognise that gambling wasn't ever the problem, it looked like the solution. I had to arrest the problem to arrest the gambling.
It's hardly a badge of honour but I gambled for 44 years. The other day I put a post up on the new intros section called "Do you want to give up gambling". On there is everything I've picked up from various places as I lost my job and had the time to do a lot of research. It all works for me but there might just be one thing on the list that makes life a little bit easier for you mate.
Maybe see you in the chatrooms tonight which are 6, 7 and 8pm. I'm going to all three and then off to the modern meeting later so it's a good day of recovery ahead of the dreaded festival that starts tomorrow that should remain nameless on here lol
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