Guilt is crippling

The 12 step recovery program offered by GA will talk & guide you through all the feelings you talk about

Dan

We don't have a GA in my jurisdiction. There may be somethimg similar but as I live in a very small community I would not have the bravery to join a meeting as I'm quite well known because of my work and would be mortified to be found out and would probably lose my job if anyone knew.

Hi. One of the most destructive aspects of gambling is the vicious circle it gets us into. Not just financially but emotionally. Gambling causes a lot of negative emotions that often just mean we turn back to gambling for some kind of comfort even when we want to stop so try not to be too hard on yourself.

Swearing you won't gamble isn't enough. You need to take practical steps too. Software to block websites, self exclusion, counselling etc. Have you contacted Gamcare? Really wanting to stop takes and lot of effort so you will need all the assistance on offer.

Will download the K9 thing that I have read about on here. Thanks so much for your replies - I feel so isolated.

Pointless downloading that if you have the password

Hi Whatisthis,

day@atime is right about the password aspect. DeLorean has given some good advice too.

If you can't get anyone to set the password and keep it from you. Then you can make up one ie qqf18bggiiaz just a jumble of letters and digits. Copy and paste it into K9 and then destroy it so you cannot gain access to gamblinge sites. Do this for all your devices.

If you have got huge feelings of guilt get counselling via gamcare (free). If you are very depressed as well talk to your GP. Maybe antidepressants could help ?

You can beat this demon but you have to be fully committed to the cause.

You could try completing a diary on here and or take up the 2015 challenge. The challenge has helped me greatly and I am now 29 days free of the gambling torture.

It helps to know that other people are experiencing similar feelings as yourself. I have been because it was my horrible secret too. I can't tell my wife because of our precarious family situation. I wanted to go to GA meetings but i can't as she would want to know where I was going of an evening. I've had to go it alone but with the help of Gamcare and this site I'm succeeding. My guilt feelings have subsided greatly because I no longer have to cover up the gambling. I'm just not doing it anymore and I do not intend to ever again. If I can quit then you can. I'm not pretending it's easy and you will get urges so it;s importants that when it happens you cannot act on them. You need barriers in place quickly.

DO NOT BORROW ANY MORE MONEY. If you are over your head in it then seek payment arrangements with the banks and get the interest frozen. Payplan/Stepchange or national Debtline can help and they don't charge fees.

Hope some of our comments have helped.

Take Care.

Thank you for your post Mrstop and others, some excellent advice and it's greatly appreciated

Thank you day@atime. I rang the helpline but I just didn't feel connected at all with the operator. I live in a jurisdiction that does not offer the usual Steplan etc..bit there is a CAB. The operator did offer counselling but I'm so scared that talking about why I gamble will just drag me deeper into self pity. I know I will never tell anyone about my dirty secret so I gues now I will just have to find the will,to take each day at a time. Never gamble again and to believe that somewhere on the horizon there are happier days ahead. The debt, although depressing and scary is not as scary as the guilt or the despondency. I know it's my turning point. Lying in bed at 2.00 in the afternoon on a sunny day because you feel worthless is a wake up call. I think it's my rock bottom. Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing your story. It really does help to diminish the feelings of isolation. Best wishes B

If you find yourself walking through hell, keep walking.

That's not the exact quote, but you get the gist, rock bottom.... dont stay there.

And your secret isnt dirty, it probably isnt secret either, but it isnt dirty, this stuff just happens to some people, its just there, it just is. And its not going away.

Counselling, do it, go through self pity and come out the other side with your dignity back.

The guilt goes when you know you have made steps towards a better life, dont let despondency suffocate you.

The horizon is a big place, there are indeed happier times there, but they're going to be a pain in the a**e to find without a map, so let the counsellors or GA or someone who knows point you in the right direction, and ask for more directions frequently.

Just keep moving, and if you feel like your taking some steps backwards as well as forwards dont worry, us lot watching think your doing the cha cha! Keep going.

Everyone has their own personal problems and secrets, our problem just happens to be gambling. A problem that draws in even the most intelligent and honest people out there. You have a problem and want to do something about it, there is nothing shameful about that.

It's a long road to recovery but it's the only way to go.

Thanks pangolin and Delorean. Your kind encouragement has just come at the right time. I'm fighting back the sobs as I type. There can be no going back. This is a serious wake up call.

How you getting on today?

Hi Pangolin. Well I manged to drag myself into work which was an achievement in itself. I'm full of a cold and spent last night sobbing till I had no more breath. I looked amess this morning but I can't afford to lose my job as well. I haven't gambled but this is not a major achievement as I'm really a weekend gambler. I did spend an hour on the phone on my lunch trying to get one of my credit cards epreinstated to zero interest ( I lost it due to a missed payment last month) it's not a solution to everything as there are so many other card/loans BUT it is a start and pro-active I suppose. I know there are lots of others on here that may not even have a job so I'm grateful for small mercies. Reckon if I can keep my head down and keep paying debts I'll be debt free in seven years. Will be close to sixty then !!! Thanks so much for asking. How are you doing ? Or maybe better question is how is Mr Pangolin? Xx

Life begins at sixty! something like that.... it's about the age where my dad ran off with the lady from finance and started all over again, so it must be a good age.

Mr Pangolin is good, working hard, it's nice to have him back, my favourite thing that I have seen this week was a fit of the giggles, proper giggles like you get when you're a little kid and someone does a particularly funny f**t. I'd forgotten he could laugh like that, set me and the kids off too, crying with laughter. Recovery milestone i think.

Well done for getting into work, its not the same thing at all but when my mum died i felt like it was impossible to leave the house, my dad had the kids for a couple of weeks at one point so i could get everything sorted out, but i just went to bed and did nothing. Problems were all still there when i hauled myself out again and i didnt feel any better, so hiding hadnt achieved anything. Talking to people turned out to be what i needed, sympathetic people, tactlesss pople, ignorant people, they all bring something out even if it is just a hissy fit, but most of the talking really helped.

Well done.