Hi.....

Hi Richard

Welcome and you are in the right place. Yes its hard to believe and you will be experiencing confusion like me and countless others in the early stages.

You will now be realising that you are way beyond a comfort zone and the reality is staring at you from a credit card balance sheet. Thats what gambling does and you will learn all about the real reasons you have been doing it and how its a form of mind control

You need to address this and must now stop gambling

We will all advise that your partner must be informed as secrets are ultimately no good for you. You have to now view this from the angle that it cost you £3500 to see the error of your ways and save your quality of life. You must get the words out in a quieter moment because you need help

Make no mistake..recovery is about saving lives because its now that you will become aware how powerful a gambling addiction is.

You will not be able to explain it rationally which is why it is hard to tell people close. Believe me it sounds like madness because it is ultimately a form of illness. When you were playing your blackjack a process was going on where you thought it was a controllable zone. It wasnt, you were addicted and there are all sorts of reasons the mind plays these tricks on us...stress with life..... depression...delusion.. dreaming...all sorts of things. You wont be clear at this stage but counselling will bring it out

For me it was an escape from life which was actually ruining me. I didnt turn to drink or drugs...I turned to gambling to stand at a machine and trance out. It was a cry for help...I actually didnt care, I was depressed and I was self destructing in a vicious circle. It wasnt ultimately about the money which seems strange to say when an empty wallet really hurt me. I needed the emotions, a devil may care attitude took over and it was a form of self harm

Please phone gamcare as many times as you like. The one to one voice is a focus and you can practice explaining £3500 and your finances to someone who ultimately wants to help you.

How you address this is reaching out for help followed by blocks and more blocks until everything is shut down. Then you consider living on a sandwich allowance as you regain the trust of those around you..then with a deep breath you begin to heal you and your mind.

They need to know that it may always be something lurking within us but with help it can be controlled and there is no room for complacency....ie rainy night and you are away from home working.... stress can trigger things again

Keep using the forum and read peoples stories

Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling and I promise you that you can and will join us

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Nice one Samson and a truly excellent post. That is what its all about. I hope people read that and gain the understanding.

It does become more clear doesnt it and those are key points about using our time meaningfully. I recently enjoyed a training scheme which made me feel great again. I also sold some things online and made some money in a wholesome way which made me feel great

Instant reward,sense of belonging and punishment are vital points. So true! Really I knew I would lose ( I couldnt seriously compute that I would win) It was to reinforce my low self esteem and how bad I felt about myself. I have said before that I wanted the lows and the rollercoaster of emotions and thats why I kept playing no matter what. I was playing to lose. I was always playing to lose and that came out in counselling. I didnt want to go home even when the thought briefly crossed my mind. Home to what?? .....it just meant an empty flat ( even though I have some brilliant gadgets, stuff and computer games ) 🙂 It was a form of self harm. Some people physically hurt themselves and I find that difficult to take in but I was hurting myself so much that my parents saved me from being homeless and starving.

It is frightening isnt it. The clearer it becomes its more frightening to think of that level of addiction and wrong thinking

I remember a typical trigger day would be bad news in an interview or the dwp playing horrendous games with me. With a sinking feeling, my loneliness would be highlighted. Im not really a drinker so the gambling trigger would then instantly kick in for escape and all the other crazy reasons my mixed up mind thought it was a good idea

So I do hope that others see these points and understand that its not as simple as just wanting the money and then losing everything to get it. Thats part of the complex mix but far from the main reason for my compulsive gambling. Stress was a major trigger

Best wishes to everyone