I admit i have a problem,help

Hi John, welcome to the Forum and well done for posting what you have here; a very positive step.

This 35,000 is precious to you, and is vital for you and your childrens future security as you say.

You fear for what you might do my friend and that is understandable; what you have to do is take yourself there in your own mind - imagine what you would go through if you lost every penny, imagine how you would feel; the pain and soul-wrenching heartache, as well as years and years of regret - struggling and thinking about what you've done each time you want to do something, for yourself or your family.

I have been there. I lost 350,000 over twenty years, two homes, two partners and everything I had, more than once. But today, I have been five years gamble-free; I still have debt that I may never pay off but I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

What I know now is that nothing is worth feeling like I did, no winnings, no games, no amount of money or anything is worth that nauseating, living death that you experience when you have lost more money than you ever thought humanly possible. This is what you must keep at the forefront of your mind my friend, every time you are tempted to gamble; any kind of loss is a step closer to making a mistake that could blight your entire life.

At the moment, you are vulnerable and you need to be practical my friend. Place blocking software on your PC/Laptop immediately - there are some good ones out there, like Gamblock, K9 or Betfilter. Then look into the options of putting that money somewhere where you can't immediately access it, maybe for one month to six months; this will be hard, but it will be a thousand times harder if you keep eating away at it until it has gone.

If you gamble when you drink, then you have to question who you are with and what you are doing; real friends will understand when you tell them that you would prefer to do something else. If you drink, then return home to gamble, then the blocking software will solve that problem.

It isn't fear of losing my friend, it is fear that you can't stop, it is the fear that you are on a slippery slope and your past losses haunt you. You must draw a line under what has happened - ok, you have occured some large losses but nothing compared to what you could potentially lose.

You are a young man who could only well be a third of the way through your life; as I said, nothing is worth how you would feel, nothing; drinking and everything else doesn't matter - it is what the consequences of your actions will do to you - imagine how you will not be able to do the things you want for your children.

You are not a bad person either; gambling makes you do bad things, and makes you take bad choices; it is likely to make you worse if you carry on, and all your children will see is a haunted, lost soul who can do nothing other than look back on a past filled with too much regret.

Most people come here when it is too late, most people would come here after losing that 35,000; every single one of those people would give anything they had to be back where you are now, before it happened and at an age where you can still take a different path. Value it, cherish it my friend - imagine if you did stop, completely; you would look back on this moment with an enormous sigh of relief in years to come.

The worst thing you can do after reading this message is to bury your head in the sand and let this affliction drag you down further - do the blocking software, find out about savings accounts, speak to your friends and then judge for yourself whether you need further help or not - there are options and help there for you and it wouldn't be a bad idea to try them.

I have walked many miles in your shoes my friend. I'm not saying "don't do as I do", I am saying that you should cherish this gift, this golden opportunity to say that enough is enough; whilst you are on the edge of disaster as you say, you could be on the verge of a whole new life; make sure you are ready and prepared for when that money matures in two months.

I sincerely, genuinely wish you well my friend. Be strong, be positive - nothing is worth what you would go through if your lost that, nothing. Draw a line under your past and move on.

JamesP

Hi,

Thank you for your reply. I have thought of the consequences many times. But my mind is aware that it could take just one night of madness and that terrifies me. I have never before considered myself as a problem gambler until recently when my losses have started to hurt.

I cannot believe how low I feel, I have just begun picking up my life after a painful split with my long term girlfriend and this these irrational thoughts of winning money gambling has really set me back into depression again.

I tend to have an addictive personality which doesn’t help, I drink, smoke etc although I am not an alcoholic thank god - although my father god rest him was.

After a loss (I never have had a decent win like most) I become extremely tight, refusing to go to the movies, a bottle of water seems expensive, food seems expensive and I count the pennies. I think of what I could be spending the money I have gambled away on. I’m not in debt, I have enough for living month to month but I feel I have just entered the next level of progression in gambling and need to stop now

I have been up until recently a binge gambler gambling quite a lot in 1 go, then stopping. Sometimes I will bet small amounts on the sports but that seems to lead on to the dreaded online casino.

I would install gamblock software but I’m fairly good with computers and know I could uninstall it. I could throw my laptop away but I need it for a variety of other things. There are times I wish I didn’t have a debit card and would get rid of it but then there are those times I need to make a purchase and having it is of course a convenience.

I wrote a list for myself on the phone 2 days ago and read it back, about my children, how my mother would feel if she were alive seeing me gamble her money, how I was not stupid etc.. But guess what I read it then lost the 250 to go with the 500 from the other night.

I told myself I was going to do just 80 max but I didn’t I kept going and increasing the bets. I told myself I was due a win as I always lose. But I continue to lose

I am going to try to do this on my own with willpower and reasoning alone and hope I will never succumb again as I believe I am at a cross roads where one path leads to gambling and the other to a normal life.

I realise others would wish to be back at the crossroads and I must choose the right path and be strong. I will be tested over this Easter and I prey I will not be back here posting how stupid I have been.

Hi David,

I think JamesP is spot on with what he says. I would also suggest opening a locked-down savings account for your children and putting the 30k+ remainder of the inheritance in it. Make sure it is some sort of ISA style thing that requires TWO separate signatories to release funds, or failing that, a high interest account that takes a year+ before you can make a withdrawal. No card, No online transfers, etc.

The temptation is too much. Especially as an inheritance can be seen as 'free money' - and we all know the old saying 'money won is twice as sweet as money earned'.

For what it's worth, my story is that I got lucky with a flat I bought back in 06 and sold it, finding myself after years of low-paid struggling with about 89k in my current account. Take a guess how long that lasted with my gambling problem?

Yep. about 15 months. Spunked up against the wall. Then the true horror of what I'd done sunk in - the realisation I'd never get back on the property ladder and that money was my one-shot chance in life. So naturally I couldn't handle feeling that, so started chasing with credit cards, loans, etc, until I'd sent almost double further into the hole. Finding the money gone and now in the same amount of debt too, the feeling was truly sensational! 😉 I nearly didn't make it. No joke.

The money lost was hard to get over, but I told myself money comes; money goes. What took me years to get over was the loss of my self-respect for doing it.

So trust me, when I say we are only human, and even the strongest amongst us who feel we've conquered ourselves and addictions will always have a moment of weakness. Don't risk it. Make sure you can't get at that inheritance even when the memory of your kids isn't enough to stop you.

I mean that. Put the money out of harm's way.

Best,

Molehole

Hi Molehole,

First of all I'm sorry to hear your story it must have been the worst feeling ever. I will lock it down In a 1 year savings account. I wasn't clear in my first post but I got the money last year and that's what I did then but I kept about 3k to supplement as I don't earn a greY deal. I'll be doing the same again but will take out 2k this year.

Congratulations molehole on getting your life back together and thanks for your advice. That money I have is the most I've ever seen and last thing I want to do is give it to the online casino b******s at a losing blackjack hand.

Tonights a test as I'm going out for a work easter party. I know drinking is a trigger so in a way I'm going to prove a point to test my will power.

Thanks for the advice and once again I'm truly sorry to hear your story.

All the best 🙂

Hey David, thanks for your kind words. Yes it was hell to feel that way back in 09. I use the memory to remind myself why I don't want to go back to being that man. I wouldn't wish how I felt on my worst enemy.

I post on your thread as a word of warning only - please don't make my mistake, please don't be like me.

I've finally come to terms with what I've done but it took me best part of 3 years - and even then - I still had a slip up last month because I got arrogant and thought I'd beaten it.

Booze is my trigger too.

Best way I've found to keep it real when I'm drunk is to carry a 'totem' - something in my pocket that really means something to me why I gave up gambling. (Personal symbol, photo, anything). Give it a try when you go out tonight - when you feel tempted to bet - look at it first, and if you STILL feel the need to gamble in that drunken moment then I'd suggest accepting you have an out-of-control illness and need to make sure you never carry cash or have access to credit. (For some people this is necessary, fair enough, but hopefully now you are aware you have a problem, your own willpower at remembering the things that matter to you should be enough to stop you?)

Either way, be strong tonight, and I hope you make the best choice for you.

M

Hi just a quick note to say I got in last night and didn't gamble. I was tempted I think for split second but didn't do it.

Hopefully I'll lose the urges with time. I realise it takes just 1 night of madness so I will try to be mindful and resist any urges to come.

I actually felt better this morning 🙂

take care all

That's great news. Well done mate. Here's to you building on that success.

Happy Easter,

M

Hi there - good to read that you are making progress with resisting temptation. I have just read your post re. strategies to prevent you from gambling and with the utmost respect would say that you seem to be ducking the issue by giving reasons not to do certain things. You mention being able to uninstall blocking programs - have you considered TXNoGam? This has the option of never being able to uninstall - go on, I dare you to do that! Debit card - I seem to recall that others here have been able to contact their bank for some sort of gambling block?

As for online casino sites, there are ways to self-exclude permanently, not just for certain periods.

Finally, you say drinking is the trigger to your out of control gambling - it's a big ask to set yourself two addictions to tackle at the same time, but it might be worthwhile analysing what makes you drink and trying strategies to combat that as a cause and effect scenario.

Try to visit this site regularly - the excellent advice already given to you by JamesP and Molehole is indicative of the quality of the people on this site and you will gain so much from their advice and support.

Very best wishes for your journey.

Joanna

Hi David,

with much interest I've been reading your posts and the given advise of JamesP and Molhole and last but not least of Joanna.

And I think you do know as much as I do how right they are.

JamesP said with different words something what I call "you haven't hit rock bottom yet"

And he is right that you have done something very good in getting onto this site because it might preventing you from ever hitting rock bottom.

but also I read out of your posts the signs for a really bad gambling carriere in view. Sorry can't say it any nicer it reminds me of myself, having already an excuse in mind for things not to do to prevent me from gambling was exactly what I've done in the past is just that I was probably the only one who believed in it.

With Moleholes storry you've read allready one way it will turn without the right tools in place, my storry is similare and the list of storries is endless. Can't say much more than your future and the future of your kids is in your hand and nobody can make decissions for you. They just can show you the tools it's down to you how to use them.

But with what I know about my addiction now, I wouldnt digg a hole with my hands anymore, when somebody who has done it tells me I should use a shuffle.

All the best for you mate and I hope I read many more posts of you

Wolfgang

Hi All,

Thanks for the posts, thanks Joanna and Wolfgang for your advice. I'm honestly not ducking the issues, If there was a way to block debit card transactions I would and if anyone knows a bank with this service please let me know! I would definitely install gamblock but all programs can be uninstalled if you know how so this would act as a delay only but ill do it anyway. Self exlusion I have done but there are so many online casinos I could sign upto. It really does come down to my own willpower.

Good news is I've so far not been tempted to much and when I've thought about it I've managed to push it away. There are tests ahead but I'm ready for them and ill make sure I lock my savings down for another year.

Thanks again for all your advice and support. I truly hope ill never be a fool again!