My name is natalie and I am 32 years old, I have 3 children and work fulltime. My gambling addiction started in 2012 over the last 2 and half years it has spiralled out of control and has put my family under severe financial stress.
I have financial arrears in every aspect of my life and right now I dont know how I am going to resolve the situation.
I use a multitude of sites and play primarily slot machines, they're quick and I win big, only to put all my winnings back into the site. I have now also found pay by mobile sites. Whoever invented those was clearly aware of the number of gamblers there are, because once your banks empty, you can just top up using your contract phone!
I gamble until our bank accounts are empty on almost all of my visits to the sites.
In April 2013 I won £15K and I withdrew the money, I paid off some debts, took my family clothes shopping and gambled maybe £3K.
Since this win my gambling has become much much worse. When I gamble, I believe that I will once again win big and this will resolve all of my problems, It never happens!
I have been to GA meetings but with 3 children find it hard to attend and I am embarrassed to go back now.
I have done some terrible things to support my gambling habit and now I worry about losing my job too.
Suicidal, I feel like this after every single gambling session, my family knows my problems and there answer is well, "if you are losing why are you doing it?" I cant answer them because I don't know why. I am scared, worried, I read other posts and I emphasise with people and their problems.
I am close to becoming homeless with a household of 5 people with a household income well over the national average. Gambling has made me a failure, a liar and a person who has lost their morals along the way. I know deep down inside this is not me or the person I wanted to be. I cry everyday worrying constantly about the repurcussions of my actions.
I want to change and I need to change. I just need to know how?
Hi Natalie,
I am in exactly the same place you are. I am on my 75th chance of making things okay right now and yet I'm still gambling away. For me it is a vicious cycle of lose money, borrow money, feel guilty about borrowing money so gamble to try to win enough to pay it back. The amount of nights spent in a sleepless fit of feeling sick and scared are ridiculous. The worst part is the feeling that you've lost who you are. But I'm not going to give up and you shouldn't either. I am in serious need of a gambling help buddy. We could help each other? like spotting at the gym! You are not alone. If you do have another slip just think to yourself 'I am only human, i made that mistake' take a breather and try and get yourself out of the 'zone'
have you tried self excluding from all on line sites that you're registered to? That's what I have been doing today.
i know the prospect of potential homelessness must be incredibly scary but I'm sure if you stop gambling now, that there is something you can do about it.
have faith, you'll get there
Hi Natalie,
Every day you aren't gambling you're making positive steps. Whilst what you've done in the past might make life hard in the next few weeks/months but each day should start to get easier.
How did you find GA last time, was it useful? Perhaps worth getting over the initial embarrassment if it's going to help? No one will judge you in there, they've probably all been in a similar boat.
You can get some good support on here, through the forums and also they have counselling which I went to which I found useful.
Also I saw my doctor who put me on some very mild anti-depressants called citalprom which may help give you some serenity.
Also if you are worried about money there are loads of debt charities and advice all over the net. As long as you have an income you should be able to negotiate with your banks etc to make sure you have enough money left over to live.
When you are feeling like this its easy just to want to curl up into a ball but I think being proactive and looking for as much help as possible will help your mood too.
You should also self-exclude from as many sites as you can, certainly the ones you are registered for and probably any other you can think of!
Give all the money you have and debit cards etc to your other half to take away temptation. Maybe set up a diary here so you can get anything off your chest and look back at how far you've come.
Hopefully every day after today things will become easier and in a few months time there will be less debt, less stress and more hapiness 🙂
I have found that people who have quit for good have reached a point where they are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Hopefully I have reached that point as well. Do not let guilt get in the way of your recovery. Create some positive good habits to build on as building block for your recovery (Example: More time with kids at park, excerise, volunteering) Something to let you know that there are other things of value other then money. We are all human, and with flaws. Have faith in yourself. Focus. You'll be amazed at the things you can accomplish. That's the best advice I can give you for now. One gambler who wants to quit to another gambler who wants to quit. Kind Regards - AM-
Guys,
Thanks very much for your advice. I have tried some of the options you suggest. I have asked my partner to take control of our finances unfortunately he won't, he prefers me to take care of the bills so he does not have to worry.
I know that sounds bizarre with my addiction but I think it is because he will have no stresses then, this means it is my absolute last chance to get things right.
I have been reading a couple of the diaries on here and I think starting one is a good idea. I know I am just at the start of a very long journey and that there will be a number of hurdles that I have to deal with to get through it I am just scared of people persecptions of me. I was always the ambitious, trustworthy individual and now that has changed, gambling may ruin my life completely if I dont stop.
Katniss1 would be happy to be have support of a gambling help buddy, just not too sure how that works on here?
I am thinking of going back to GA my partner works away so I will have to work around his shifts.
Thanks again
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