I need help.

Thanks ITD, My concern with stepchange CAB etc is that they’ll just turn around and say ‘it’s affordable pay it’ I get that and have every intention of paying it, its the charges for my overdraft etc that are extortionate and just make my circumstances 10x worse. Surprisingly I have a massively pessimistic view when it comes to financials. I dont think cab or stepchange would be able to stop these charges and just allow me to pay the debt back. Banks for you isnt it, just makes fixing our mistakes that much more difficult

You won't know until you speak to them Distraught. You could also try calling the companies themselves and explain your situation...I believe some of them will actually freeze interest, although it isnt something I have done myself.

I did call stepchange after my last losses and discussed what my options were. I decided I could just about get by making the payments as they were.

Use stepchange mate all done online they are brilliant. That’s who I use. On the home straight now too so it’s def worthwhile having a manageable payment. Just focus on urself mate and the rest will take care of itself. Don’t beat urself up over anything what’s done is done just keep moving forward. Best of luck mate

Thanks both, gonna call them when ive got all the info together hoping for the best.

Matthew have you used them mate? Interested if it was similar circumstances?

Just went through everything with Stepchange... I wasnt expecting much... on top of that its horrible saying your situation out loud isnt it.

I must admit they’ve made me feel better about my situation and I’m going to look at setting up a debt management plan with my creditors, for anyone who hasn’t already contacted them, take it from mr pessimistic its well worth a call. Just hoping my creditors agree now and i can move forward with life gamble free and eventually debt free.

Hi distraught- I am new here but just wanted to post based on my own experience of gambling debt (I am by no means in a good place financially yet and certainly not an expert).. however, when I had become massively overdrawn with the bank- embarrassing as it was, I called and told the truth about my gambling and they were actually really lovely. They stopped the charges (which as you say are the killer). If you can afford to pay it off- lay it out to them, offer a repayment plan and ask them to freeze the charges. It’s worth a try! 🙂

Hi tracyd 🙂

Thank you for your advice, i spoke with the bank and theyve agreed to freeze charges as you said, which is amazing considering how unbelievably high they were.

I shouldn’t smile having to set up a debt plan, but its the first time I’ve had hope in a while! 3 days gamble free and finances not just sitting there but on a path with an ending. This forum has been a god send for me if I’m honest. Knowing you’re not alone.

Hi mate

Ok youve taken some practical steps to clear up a bit of the mess every day. This is good. Keep doing that... Bit by bit - day by day. Clear up a bit of the mess each day at a rate that is not overwhelming to you in your current mind state.

The other thing I gauge from your messages is that you're thinking, and thinking... And thinking some more... And thinking again! And topping that off with a bit of thinking! Classic case of "ive been so f*****g thoughtless so now I'm going to think think think my way through this situation because I must never be thoughtless again or it will sink me"???

How did I get here
Why did I get here
What do I need to do
But if I do this - then this will happen so what's the point (by the way, are you god? No - so don't think like this. Also predicting outcomes that you have no control over got you in this mess in the first place so STOP DOING IT. You're useless at it)
What could I have done differently
What I will do differently next time
General thinking about how much you hate the industry

The list goes on mate... I'm bored of writing them now. Let's get back on topic...

Do you genuinely want to give up gambling once and for all? Yes/no
(Another way of framing this - do you genuinely think you're going to win that money back one day? Yes/no... Are you genuinely willing to accept that the money is gone? Yes/no)

If yes, read mixers post on this forum and follow through with it. Don't leave anything out.

Slowly but surely your life will get better if you fully commit to giving up gambling. It will be slow. And sometimes f*****g painful. But slowly it will get better, I promise you that. As you put more gamble free time behind you and you're money your will slowly return to you (believe it or not) and you'll be amazed how you can actually get by despite all the damage you've done + debts you have to pay back. If you read mixers post and you decide to leave this bit out and that bit out then ask yourself why you're choosing to leave them out and reassess whether you're genuinely ready to give up gambling. Because if you genuinely are you need to trust in this process and stop being a gambler and trying to suss out outcomes based on your predictions on what will happen. You're s**t at doing that, that's why you ended up in this mess remember? thats why you ended up in this position. Take a leap of faith and trust in this process fully - listen to people who it is working for.

All that stuff I highlighted you were thinking about all at the same time? You have the REST OF YOUR LIFE TO DWELL ON THAT s**t. JUST FOCUS ON DOING EVERYTHING YOU POSSIBLY CAN NOT TO GAMBLE FOR NOW.

All that s**t your thinking about will be way much easier to assimilate when you feel miles better from not gambling for a long period of time and you're future is brighter. Best of luck.

I took all this time to post here because your first post is mega similar to mine and also your initial posts and thought processes are too. We could be two peas in a pod actually.

If I can do this you can. But you need to be told as it is and with no holds barred (if you're anything like me... And I'm going to continue to assume you are because your thinking is so similar to mine) ;o)

If you don't believe me read the beginning of my diary and you'll see ;o)

I’m so so pleased that the bank were supportive! its all a step in the right direction- just keep going day by day. 🙂 We are human, we make mistakes and that doesn’t make us bad people- there is so much great advice and support on here that I am finding helpful and encouraging- hope you do too. We can only be in the moment and worrying and punishing ourselves about what has happened before and what may happen in the future keeps us stuck. Keep going 🙂

Hi signalman

Hi D, glad you've contacted StepChange, they were brilliant for me too! I know all the self loathing and anxiety all too well., but we will get through this. One day at a time and al that...

Hi Lil, thats good to hear, did they help in a similar way? I just hope my creditors agree now, think I’ll actually breathe a sigh of relief once its all setup.

Agreed. Refuse to give them anymore money or emotions! Sure it takes years off your life all the ups and downs. We got this Lil. Stay strong

Distraught

Sorry for the late reply, I link my gamcare stuff to a separate email (as my family still don't know). So I pick up replies late.

I was a few months from being able to sort the debts myself.

I worry about your 0% deals ending. You need to take action now and speak to your lenders. There may still be time to get your debt structured and repayable.

Sorry again for the late reply..

Hi mate..Just reading through ur posts now. To be honest for me personally stepchange has been brilliant gets all ur debts in one place and sorting that out actually distracts you from gambling gives you a base to build on and helps ur mental health knowing you not going to get ccjs etc. What I need to concentrate on is saving up money to pay off the debts without the interest if you can do that your laughing and will save a fortune. E.g. I got a £300 payday loan and repaid it through stepchange for £600 as it was a monthly payment. If I had the capital I could have settled it for £350 and saved myself £250. That’s my fault not theirs though. 14k left for me so slowly but surely there is light at the end of the tunnel. As far as gambling goes mate just ignore it and go to the gym ir out for a run instead. It’s only been a couple of weeks for me so I’m not going to preach to you but get the blocks in place and just think I’m not gna put a bet on mate. It’s simple really. Aye some days you will feel anxious and stressed but as long as you don’t bet the next day you will feel proud. Each gambler is different but this is working for me albeit early days

Thanks both, Stepchange made me feel positive and with hope, it relys on the lenders to agree which the ball will be rolling with next week, so still that nervous feeling there. But im definitely proud to not of buried my head and faced this s**t ive put myself in head on.

Did they do a debt Management Plan for you too Matthew? Whats your experience with that? How were lenders etc like? Be good to understand what to expect of the near future.