I need help.

Hi D, yes, I was put in a Debt Management Plan - which has been a lifesaver!

Hi distraught everyone on here has felt the same as you at some point. 13 days ago I googled how to kill myself without it looking like suicide so that my son could claim my life insurance. I had been paid that day and within 4 hours I had lost the whole lot and left myself with £3.73 to last me til end of January. Wasn’t by any means the first time I’d done this. Nobody in the world could’ve hated me more than I hated myself. So I half heartedly joined this site after excluding myself from bookies and online but I knew deep down I was a failure and I’d gamble again. All that changed last week. I bumped into the owner of my local bookies, the only independent bookie around here and he told me had just come back from the Maldives, he then went on to tell me about the next 6 holidays he has this year. I haven’t had a holiday in 10 years (my own stupid fault). He looked me straight in the eye and said it’s mugs like you that paid for them and he laughed. I wanted to smack him so hard but he was so dam right. My misery pays for his luxury! After 40 years of gambling I will never ever feed his lifestyle again. His words still ring in my ears loud and clear and the worst thing is that there true. I totally was a mug and I felt so humiliated when he laughed at me. But I will now laugh at him, I used to give him thousands of my hard earned wage and he would give me a free coffee. As stupid goes I think I went off the chart! I have 100% determination now and I will beat this. Stick your “free” coffee up ya a*s fat cat!

Thanks Lil - got my fingers crossed and il definitely update as I go along so it can help anyone else down the line!

Sosad- I absolutely sympathise with you and understand what this addiction can do to us. Joining this site was 100% the right thing to do. The support is overwhelming and I think personally has made me a stronger person.

you can see i suffer bad with self loathing too, but you must remember you’re not alone in this.. no matter how bad it gets it’s fixable, thats what I’m learning, family and life is so much more important than this s**t. Than the little thrill of the money you havent properly earnt but flaunt like you have. I am so done with it.

One word for that guy, Karma. He’ll get his sosad for praying on vulnerable people. I’m a true believer of that. As bad as the gambling industry still is, it does seem as though people are becoming wise to these leaches. Heres hoping one day it’ll be as controlled as smoking is. and the days of a gambling advert on tv every 10 seconds or 3 bookies in one row of shops, or 10 online casinos when you google something so innocent, go for good.

Distraught1 wrote:

Thanks both, Stepchange made me feel positive and with hope, it relys on the lenders to agree which the ball will be rolling with next week, so still that nervous feeling there. But im definitely proud to not of buried my head and faced this s**t ive put myself in head on.

Did they do a debt Management Plan for you too Matthew? Whats your experience with that? How were lenders etc like? Be good to understand what to expect of the near future.

Aye that’s what I’m on just pay a monthly payment and they distribute it amongst your creditors. They deal with all the admin you may get a few letters but once it’s in place it’s good. Will affect your credit rating but in some ways that may be a blessing so you can’t implode if you return to gambling. Dmp is very common these days so the lenders will be used to dealing with stepchange. Honestly mate if you need it do it. There’s an online portal to check progress so you can track it.

Listen friend, based on what you're saying these days all I'll say is this.

Look after your mental health first and foremost for now. Your recovery path won't even get off the ground if you're sectioned or something. That's no good for you and your family... Would it happen? Well did you ever think you'd end up on here and in so much debt? Don't let it happen... And to do that you may need to re-evaluate how you go about life (ie living life solely from the brain rather than from the heart, conscience and in more of a mindful way)

I know this is easier said than done right now but one step towards wellbeing is - all this hatred and vitriol you're feeling towards gambling and the industry? Lose it for now if you can. Our wellbeing is like a hard drive, all that space you're taking up with hatred is slowing you down... Free it up so you have loads of space to focus on your recovery (self-awareness, goals, aims, making amends to people you've hurt along the way, eating properly, sleeping properly, working hard at your job again) all these things you can do one day at a time and they will make your life better) all this hatred you're harbouring... It won't do a fig for you... If you think it will help keep you off a bet... I really don't think it will because at some point you may think your life is not improving fast enough so may on a whim decide to take it on again so you can win your money back and stick it up the a**e of gambling (yes on a whim, remember that's how these gambling splurges often start) don't think because you're absolutely broken now that gambling won't come looking for you again. It will. Be ready. Make it all about you and your recovery... That way the industry and all this hatred and negativity doesn't come into it. Please trust me, it won't do you any favours in the long run.

Tell your family, don't tell your family... Whatever. Just look after your mental health for now. Everything else will become clear over time (and by that I mean what you need to do next when you are feeling stronger, what you should be doing, what you haven't done, if you're slipping etc)

Just look after your mental and physical wellbeing for now and put some gamble free time behind you. Sort out management of the debt then ultimately accept this is going to take years to put right.

Years to put right followed by an eternity of happiness and peace.

Don't gamble again for now. Just don't gamble again.

I truly believe you when you say that you're through with gambling and want out. I wish you all the best. You are a bright person. You know what you need to do. Your only problem will be if you think yourself into a corner and don't do enough, or anything at all due to questioning and counter arguments. Seriously mate - just look at what's working for people and do the same. KEEP IT SIMPLE. I think your mind may have got you into this mess in the first place so f**k it off for now and trust in your other navigatory senses (faith, instinct, morals, values, conscience, heart, trust)

Just 'do' positive things in your life every day that make you a better person and keep you away from gambling. Keep it simple for now. It can get complex when you have more strength if thats how you like to roll...

Thanks signalman. What you’re saying does make sense. Obviously there is no point harbouring this grudge against gambling companies as its only going to impact me. I think I’ll get past that, once I’m up and running on my recovery. Next week for me is going to be a big one.

But as you say, positive things one day at a time. I like what you’ve said about over thinking! I just need a switch button! Especially values, conscience heart and trust. I dont just want to be a better person for myself but for those around me. If I concentrate on those things you’ve mentioned, recovering takes care of itself really. One day at a time mate, thanks for your advice.

signalman wrote: Listen friend, based on what you're saying these days all I'll say is this. Look after your mental health first and foremost for now. Your recovery path won't even get off the ground if you're sectioned or something. That's no good for you and your family... Would it happen? Well did you ever think you'd end up on here and in so much debt? Don't let it happen... And to do that you may need to re-evaluate how you go about life (ie living life solely from the brain rather than from the heart, conscience and in more of a mindful way) I know this is easier said than done right now but one step towards wellbeing is - all this hatred and vitriol you're feeling towards gambling and the industry? Lose it for now if you can. Our wellbeing is like a hard drive, all that space you're taking up with hatred is slowing you down... Free it up so you have loads of space to focus on your recovery (self-awareness, goals, aims, making amends to people you've hurt along the way, eating properly, sleeping properly, working hard at your job again) all these things you can do one day at a time and they will make your life better) all this hatred you're harbouring... It won't do a fig for you... If you think it will help keep you off a bet... I really don't think it will because at some point you may think you're life is not improving fast enough so may on a whim decide to take it on again so you can win you money back and stick it up the a**e (yes on a whim, remember that's how these gambling splurges often start) don't think because you're absolutely broken now that gambling won't come looking for you again. It will. Be ready. Make it all about you and your recovery... That way the industry and all this hatred and negativity doesn't come into it. Please trust me, it won't do you any favours in the long run. Tell your family, don't tell your family... Whatever. Just look after your mental health for now. Everything else will become clear over time (and by that I mean what you need to do next when you are feeling stronger, what you should be doing, what you haven't done, if you're slipping etc) Just look after your mental and physical wellbeing for now and put some gamble free time behind you. Sort out management of the debt then ultimately accept this is going to take years to put right. Years to put right followed by an eternity of happiness and peace. Don't gamble again for now. Just don't gamble again. I truly believe you when you say that you're through with gambling and want out. I wish you all the best. You are a bright person. You know what you need to do. Your only problem will be if you think yourself into a corner and don't do enough, or anything at all due to questioning and counter arguments. Seriously mate - just look at what's working for people and do the same. KEEP IT SIMPLE. I think your mind may have got you into this mess in the first place so f**k it off for now and trust in your other navigatory senses (faith, instinct, morals, values, conscience, heart, trust) Just 'do' positive things in your life every day that make you a better person and keep you away from gambling. Keep it simple for now. It can get complex when you have more strength if thats how you like to roll...

You speak a lot of sense mate

My switch button was someone much further along in recovery telling me plainly that analysis is paralysis and that I'm an intelligent guy and a deep thinker but don't let these traits ultimately be my downfall in recovery. Thus far hearing this has worked for me.

So in the spirit of passing on good advice I'm telling you this now. Stay strong. I promise you things will get better (slowly but surely) if you don't gamble.

If you rush things or force the issue... Guess what... You may end up gambling again.

Matthew4788 wrote:

You speak a lot of sense mate

Thanks mate but I have to be honest and admit that I borrow most of my material from GA members that I have encountered during my recovery ;o)

signalman wrote: [quote=Matthew4788]

I see a lot of your posts popping up and always read what you have to say. It’s good considering you have done 1xx days gf. Keep it up mate ur an inspiration

You speak a lot of sense mate

Thanks mate but I have to be honest and admit that I borrow most of my material from GA members that I have encountered during my recovery ;o)

5 days GF!

Yesterday was a bit of a struggle, a pop up came about of a youtuber i used to watch playing online casinos, ended up watching it and getting urges, the fact is I managed to fight those urges and remember the feelings it causes me. Blocked all gaming youtubers now as well.

Still waiting for stepchange to come back to me. All info sent so hoping for the best.

That’s great that you fought the urges. Stepchange takes a little while but it’s worth it. If your creditors are emailing or writing, tell them you are in the middle of setting up a DMP and they will usually leave you alone or put the account on hold till it’s sorted. Hope things are working out for you and stay strong!

Distraught1 wrote:

5 days GF!

Yesterday was a bit of a struggle, a pop up came about of a youtuber i used to watch playing online casinos, ended up watching it and getting urges, the fact is I managed to fight those urges and remember the feelings it causes me. Blocked all gaming youtubers now as well.

Still waiting for stepchange to come back to me. All info sent so hoping for the best.

Well done mate. You did a good thing there with the block.

Are you ok?

You will feel a HUGE weight lifted and much more resilient once Stepchange proceedings have gone through. Hang in there. Keep writing.

Thanks both.

Still gamble free and going strong. Stepchange have confirmed they’ve got things started, so hopefully that will all be in place soon. It will definitely feel like a huge weight has been lifted!

Just shows how bad gambling had me, even when I didn’t play id be watching someone else play, ive had a couple tough days where the what ifs creep in, but i know this change isnt just for now, its for a better future for me and my family. Strong as ever, and will keep updating.

Hope things are well with you both, keep strong!

On another note, it certainly messes with your head... i never even played slots for example but had a weird dream I won 68k on them. Its like withdrawing from a drug.