Please please please someone help, my partner is addicted to gambling and I’m ready now to leave him, I’ve tried everything in my power for him to stop and it’s obviously more important to him than his family so I’m leaving him, I’m going to find the power in my head and heart to ask him to leave for good am I being selfish ?? He spends everything on gAmbling or scratch cards and my wage keeps the house kids and him with food gas electric beautiful home rent and everything priorities would expect .. please help I am rock bottom any advice I can do or say would be greatly appreciated thanks ??
Well you sound like your in a bad place, I know how my partner feels when I gamble and the only way through is for me to reach out for help as it's my problem that's causing all my families problems. I'm so selfish as I know how hard I make it when I mess up, I know you can get help but with what you've said if your partner wants you to be in his life he has to reach out and get the help that will help you get back on the straight road. I wish you and your family along and happy future without gambling
Hi Victoria unfortunately we cannot control others. He is the only one who can stop himself from gambling.
letting someone live with you without contributing financially is called 'enabling'. A gambler can feel that there is no consequence as food and home is provided by their enabler.
we can't make the decision for you. If you make a decision or boundary or ultimatum you have to stick to it.
for support you can call gamcare, or logon to Gamanon website which is for f&f of gamblers. They run meetings online each night 7-9. All anonymous all people with real life experience of living with a gambler.
its hell living with an active gambler. We only realise our mistakes after making them many times thinking we are helping. We don't understand why they choose gambling over their family. It's a lifelong addiction and affects the f&f as much as the gambler.
please get some real help and advice online. You need to learn how to protect yourself and finances.
Do yourself and the kids a favour and leave him. Talking from personal experience, gamblers don't just go immediately from doing their beans every day, regardless of having a family or not, to complete sobriety - there is a path to follow and it will take a while to get out of it. Sounds to me like he still hasn't recognised his issues and if you continue living with him, your life will likely be worse for the immediate future than if you leave and make him realise his problem. Life is too short to be stuck with someone like that. If it was a drug or alcohol problem, it would be a no-brainer, except gambling is the only one where you can literally lose your money, and therefore all your livelihood, all in one go/one night etc.
I don't know as I've done the same myself, I tried to stop so many times but at the end of the day it's a big decision and I wouldn't say for her to leave him maybe if she threatens that this is it and if he doesn't buck up his ideas and get help then he'll be left with nothing, we don't know what stage he's at and if he can sort himself out with help then the family can be together and get bye this! He may not see the problem rose tinted glasses I feel like she doesn't need us saying get rid off him we don't know if they can make it through and that family could be together and happy. Put the rules down if he don't sort himself out and get help as it's out there then the only thing left to do is split and keep you and the kids happy and you won't have to worry about bills and food, only you know what's right and if he won't get help then you know yourself what you have to do. You know how life is you live bit so don't ask just do what you think as only you really know and I'm not being funny I just know that you know what you've got to do and I hope what ever you do works for you
Hello Victoria1001, welcome to the GamCare forum and thank you for sharing your story here.
You've had some very different responses here, but at the end of the day only you can decide what to do for the best. Only you know how much you've tried and what it's taken to get you to this point.
Know that you don't have to do this alone. As Merry-go-round said you can call our HelpLine to talk with an adviser 1:1, or you could visit a group chatroom such as the one Merry-go-round mentioned at Gam-Anon. At GamCare we also have a chatroom just for family and friends of gamblers, on Thursdays at 9.30pm.
Whether or not your partner decides to accept help, help is available for you. Our free 1:1 treatment is available by phone or webcam to anyone in England, Scotland or Wales who is affected by gambling, whether their own or someone else's.
If you'd like to find out more about any of the above options, or just talk it over, contact us on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. We're here 24/7.
Best wishes
Deirdre
Forum Admin
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