In search of an answer

Morning Paul,

You are very welcome my friend.

I hope you do take on board all the posts you have received, we all want you to,succeed, small steps remember , you can do this, go for it with 100% commitment.

Suzanne xxx

Morning, firstly i must apologise to the Cynical wife if my thread's appear to be self-pitying. A liitle bit of history about me - I am 58, I married at 19 with my wife (to whom i was married 26 years) brought two children into the world, who we both fully supported for 20 years, they had a normal upbringing, a father who had a full-time job and a three night a week part-time job, and who incidentally had never heard of gambling except for a football coupon. They met lovely girls and are self-sufficient in their own homes (so have not suffered by the gambling life i found in 2008). In 1999 i bought my own business, was working 7 days a week to ensure my wife and I retired early, one day I came home early and she had gone no warning nothing, clothes gone, car gone, my life was in tatters, but i did get up for work the next day and carry on my business for another two years till i sold it. A week after selling i started another 'employed' job (just 35 hours a week not 120 which I did for seven years), I met a lady who I do not live with, share no bills with, who is completely independent of me. But I was bored with my job and my weekly life, i only see her at weekends, so I found the FOTB'S, which led to my disasterous gambling life of the last 8 years. No -one has suffered through this, except me, that is why my threads are self-pitying because i am the only one suffering here. There a brief sypnosis of my life to explain my threads, and this time i have everything in place, self-exclusion, ban from casinos, and all on-line casinos shut, so i am determined to succeed. I also want to assist fellow sufferers on here, as most are assisting me, sorry Cynical wife, but i think you mis-read my postings or my thoughts were not correctly passed on.

Paul,

My point was that you need to take positive action in order to stop. Wishing or bemoaning your losses isn't enough. You don't have to stop gambling, of course, it's your choice but if your intentions are real then put effective barriers up and to get help from GA or counselling. That's what the CGs who stay in recovery do.

You know the one about no man is an island? Gambling does damage those around you, don't kid yourself that it's just you being harmed. If you have any doubts on this, read the family posts. It's not just spouses, it's parents and siblings.

I certainly believe that lonliness is a definite factor. I think the most important thing is to be comfortable with your own company and realise that gambling is just self destructive, gotta tell yourself your worth more than that!

Thanks for your observation, defo ByronJ, the loss of my family unit and my wife leaving created a lonely void, at the point of her leaving I had zero friends to talk too, and the turnaround of working 120 hours per week to 35, gave me so much spare time. Maybe my threads arn't too clear but I am here reading and posting because I have finished with gambling, all the blocks are in place, tonight instead of the FOTB's at five it will be cleaning a part of the house. This time I am really determined, I have to beat the roulette addication. I absolutely get 'Cynical wife's' points that there are many victims who get caught up in this and suffer, as I stated my children have not suffered through my gambling and my ex-wife lives a life of luxury in another part of the world. Just want to say on my time here past and present i have and will continue to offer support to the 'Friends and Family' section as they are people who are suffering through no fault of their own.

Ouch, your background was a painful read 🙁 Great to see you pushing forwards with your barriers now as you can vouch, this is not about the money! When your wife did the dirty your heart broke despite the thousands that you had in the bank! It's a shame that your current relationship is not quite as much as you probably need right now but we are here rooting for you, not to fill the void (because we can't) but to let you know that we care & to some extent understand!

You can do this - ODAAT

Thanks ODATT, in a lot of ways people on here are the real understanders of gambling suffering, until you have lost ....................... i'm pretty sure you cannot understand this specific type of grief. Thanks for the post

You may be surprised at what some people here have been through including the loss of babies but you are right, my particular understanding is only of the gambling pain. It's little wonder that you sough solace in addiction if it is still so raw after all this time & testament to your strength of character that you have allowed someone else into your heart @ all! I know nothing compared to many on here but I'm starting to understand that this addiction is not just about money. You need to find a way to deal with your grief as gambling may have provided a temporary release but it's like stubbing your toe to stop a papercut (multiplied like a zillion) hurting!

Recovery will help you find a way to smile again - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT for bothering to post upon this thread. As you i am no expert on why gambling can become a problem to MrA, not MISSC, not MRSB, but a yes to MRD, but one point i noticed you made on another thread, you said once it becomes a problem it becomes more progressive, and I take that to mean it's tough to quit, especially when you first come here, because if you are coming on to this site, you have been losing more than you should have. My message is to all the younger people who come on here (say under 40), note what ODAAT has said, THIS CAN BECOME A PROGRESSIVE PROBLEM, re-alise that and CHANGE-QUIT QUICKLY. If you don't chances are you will be back here sooner rather than later and in a worse financial state than you were before.

I agree 100% with your comments, I am back here on day 1 of yet another attempt to stop this addiction that has basically ruined my business financially over the last 2-3 years and prior to that 2-3 years of maxing out credit cards resulting in a debt management plan that won't b paid off for year's. I'm 40 and if had stopped a year in (5 years ago) I would'nt be living under a constant black cloud financially. No retirement savings, no other savings just debts. I work 50-55 hours a week, very rarely take the family on holiday or got funds to spend on home improvements etc.

Not looking for sympathy just an understanding as to why we as problem gamblers do it and how to continuously abstain. Been trying for 6 years but yet here again on Day 1. It is coping with the losses that I find the hardest and looking for that quick fix to replace the losses, it only results in continuing to gamble.

Hi amt, you say you don't want sympathy, well you have mine, and I guess the only place you will get proper understanding and sympathy is here, with people who have suffered like you and I and the many others on here. You are spot on, once you start to lose and lose badly, you just want back what you had earned in your own right. It's like you have been robbed (thats another time another issue another thread). I think you know like me the money is never coming back, its tough really tough to accept that, but until we do we will never get our life back. I'm with you mate on how you feel, but people on here can give you hope for the future, as they say a day at a time.

Thanks for the comments, I know the money is'nt coming back, last week I won enough to clear my overdraft, pay back the business a percentage of what I'd taken and have enough to cover a months worth of bills. A week later I've lost that, taken more from the business and a payday loan.

I'm a prime example of the phrase 'cannot win because cannot stop' it's never enough always want more.

Unless I won very big I'd never recover the losses. Accept it and move on that's the hardest part. Been struggling for the last 6 years too!!

Feel for you my friend, how will you move forward ? Will you need to bankrupt yourself or the company ? Can you involve stepchange ?

If I stop today and remain gamble free I can get over the loss, if not then I will lose the company and a very good reputation I have built up in the local area. I have never advertised and rely on recommendation. I am a building contractor and have fortunately several months of work booked in with enough income if managed sensibly to offset the recent losses. I do need though to repay the company quite a vast amount from other sources before the end of November so will be looking at another income venture be it selling possessions etc. if i don't the accounts won't tally up.

So basically I have no choice here today, stop now or it's the end of the road business wise.

Appreciate your reply and hope things are going ok for you today.

AMT, I hope you can sort this, stay strong and you have plans in place to do so. Dont stray, i did and instantly regret it. Ask yourself, what could you have done with what you have lost gambling? Do u want to carry on adding to that list? How much did u recent set back cost you finacialy?