Obviously I dont know you, but I do know compulsive gamblers. I'm going to suggest that you aren't seeing things very clearly at the moment. Compulsive gamblers live in a fantasy world, it's not easy to let go of and the real world is rather grim in comparison, so wheres your incentive to actually engage with it?
For the people in the real world, we can see your fantasy world is built on lies, very poor foundations indeed, it is only a matter of time before it crumbles, so the question is are you going to walk down the stairs and out into the real world in one piece, still strong enough to make ammends to those you've hurt? Or are you going to end up in the rubbley heap when it all comes crashing down?
Im guessing that your attempts to be positive just sound, to your husband, like more lies? It would explain why it annoys him. Especially if it does involve more lies.
It sounds silly but you take control by letting go.
Let go of the finances, weight lifted off your shoulders, reassurance for your husband.
Let go of the stories and tales you have told to explain who you are and where you are now, start again from scratch, be the person you would want to be.
Let go of the guilt, it's too late, the past is gone, dont drag it into the future too.
Let go of your pride, get your backside into a GA meeting and let the programme do its work, dont ask questions just give it some commitment, even if you only do it to reassure your husband to start with, you'll soon find out how much it helps.
Youre eyes are tight closed, trying to protect yourself from the pain, it's understandable, but you cant see.
Your husband is still with you, he must really love you. That's real, hold onto that.
Thanks for the comments both, some good points, however, I don't know if there are any meetings after 6 as I work full time? Haven't gambled since the 24th December and know I won't again. No matter what happens....
I would definitely go to a meeting if needs to be, ( and with the right advise ) but I think my problem goes back a lot further than the gamberling.
Have a lot to focus on atm with getting my health back on track, and my relationship with my husband, family right.. Need to wait until my appointment with the mental health team to see what is needed to get me back on track.
Fantastic advice from Pangolin
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