Let's try this again!

Hi,

Thanks for posting. I quote the last two paragraphs of your post;

"

I've paid for and installed 2 blockers on my laptop, and 1 on my phone, yet find them quite easy to get around if i'm determined enough, and as we all know if you have the urge to gamble, you will be determined enough.I've left my electronics at a friends house for a week, and ended up buying a cheap tablet to use instead! Family support is out the question at the moment, and only 2 friends know of this issue (who are both incredibly supportive, but not very practical). I'm tempted to go to a group, but after running group sessions for substance misuse as part of my job, i find the irony and shame a little too much to bare.

So any advice on the next steps? My problem is that I don't feel like I really want to stop - i feel like it was easier before because i'd hit rock bottom, but now i'm trying to stop myself before hitting rock bottom again, i don't have as much will power to see me through as last time. "

These paragraphs do summerize where you are at the moment. Wanting to gamble, finding ways to gamble and not wanting feeling like you want to stop. You say you hit rock bottom before. I may be wrong in thinking that maybe you didn't. Maybe the £10K jackpot was a sickening blow that was the only reason you stopped. Nothing to do with all the hurt, lies, self harm and debt that a gambling addiction brings with it. Now the wound has healed and the door is open back into the world of uncontrolled gambling. Spare cash at the end of the month which you may think you can control and play with will lead on to worse things and the debts will start building up around you again. Where do you go then? Usually chasing, gambling more and more, then out of control.

Don't knock GA before you've tried it. You may find it both helpful and educational in running your substance misuse classes. Who knows..........

I hit rock bottom Feb this year. A place I know I don't want to return. I can picture the day I knew I had arrived there. Holding my daughters hand, she excited to be in town with her Daddy, me in desperation after losing a big in-running bet, chasing losses from the night before. From that day I knew I needed help, gambling had beat me.

So whether you need to reach the real rock bottom or just wake up to the reality, damage and destruction this awful addiction can do is only in your hands. Yes, blockers are easy to get around but only if you want to bet. That's the world today I'm afraid, if anyone wants to bet they will be always be a way in them doing so.

Finally you say you don't have much will power. Surely you have ambitions in life? Without any goals this addiction will control you. Start by reflecting on those 3 months you say you did gamble free. The 90 mark in GA is a rewarding goal, so well done. Now in your mind tell yourself you've done it before so you can do it again. With Christmas round the corner every penny saved can make it an extra special time for you and those around you. Just take one day at a time, for today I will not gamble.

All the best.

Hi Randomreb

Shep72 has covered it very well above.

I admire your honesty and joining the forum. My clear view is that you are in a state of confusion where you dont really want to stop at the moment. You have seen the damage that gambling does and talk about large debts.

I note here that many problem gamblers immediately start saying they have a well paying job and they can cope. This is a classic trait of a mind trying to justify compulsive gambling. You wouldnt give a stranger in the street your money after working hard though would you. Debts are a sign of problems and nobody really likes being in debt. Debt is supposed to enhance you life with at least a car or business plan....its not there for gambling

Then you talk about enjoying it and the buzz. I would say thats its not fun and its completely false. Its more like grim determination to get your money back and Ive been there. I would term it dopamine rushes mixed with high emotions, anxiety, further stress, then a sinking low like I want to crawl in a hole and curl up...Thats not fun

Many people play for escape rather than the money and that may be you

Again I admire your honesty and hope you keep talking about it

However your blocks are half hearted so they are not really blocks. You do need to tell people close because they can help. A couple of people who can handle it isnt the real test of honesty. Some friends may just laugh it off as they may not be there when the final demand comes in on your debts. Any embarrassment you feel is nothing compared with what gambling may have lined up for you. Homelessness, divorce and bankruptcy are just three of its little gems.

I think you know you have a problem. I see you have a problem. My advice is you need to focus on what you are actually saying there. There is no get it back later scheme and you need to be honest in what you continue to throw away chasing a dream. From the lottery down there is no easy income scheme and most gamblers talk like they have the only four legged horse lined up.

If you did tell people close they would see your activity for what it is........ highly dangerous and irrational. They could help you block and save your quality of life.

The most dangerous thing about gambling is that only you know if you are ready to stop. There are many stages of self delusion The chasing and the dream makes it the most dangerous addiction in my view. It a form of mind control that many people dont understand.

I sound tough and I will be blunt because I want to help you

So you need to keep talking and do some exercises. I will be frank in that you are scared of telling people close because they will be naturally shocked. Gambling thrives on secrecy because deep down you know its irrational and wrong

I have to say that if you dont properly block and you dont feel monitored by important people in your life you will continue to gamble or relapse.

You need to phone gamcare, talk it through on here and argue your case if necessary. It will focus your mind as to how you really feel

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you both for your responses - I am a little bit at a loss with what to do with myself about this, but you've both given some good advice and have a measure on my situation well.

Shep you are right - I probably didn't hit rock bottom before - I can clearly see that this is a problem that might very soon spiral out of control, hence my post, and i'm trying to avoid hitting that bottom before working my way up!
I think needing to find something to aim towards, regarding my money might be a good next step, I don't drive (and terrified of the prospect of learning!), I hate going abroad, and tend to live a relatively frugal lifestyle - as long as i've got my friends, a decent pot of coffee, some books or movies, i'm happy as larry. I feel like I might need a financial goal, with a real result to point myself towards, as clearing debt doesn't quite give the same satisfied feeling as a shopping spree!

Joy - again very astute, and you're completely right I know i'm trying to justify my gambling - it's completely the buzz and the thrill of it that gets me as opposed to the money, it's difficult to get that same rush elsewhere!

I'm not particularly embarassed by it, in my line of work i've seen how differing addiction impacts on people, and how it can literally happen to anyone, so i'm not into the self hatred and embarassment factor - I know why i started and I know i need to stop - it's just finding the right support mechanism to help with that! My holdback with telling my friends is more to do with me being self assured and always being the person to fix stuff for them and myself, I really don't like leaning on people, never have done, and the thought of doing it now makes me feel worse than the gambling does. So potentially a group/ counselling might be the right option regardless of my personal holdbacks with that.

I apprecciate the bluntness, i really do. The 'it gets better' speeches i've seen on here do nothing for me! I do need a kick up the b*m and a stop s******g around speech to get me motivated, so thank you, you've both given me lots to think about!

Thats good.

You will get a lot of good advice and my view is that your support network does benefit from family and friends. We all generally advise you to tell family and friends if possible

There is no shame in admitting to a weakness that got to you. It got to us all here and I still dont fully understand as I can be very careful with money.

You say you dont like leaning on people. I can fully understand that but there comes a time when we all need a bit of help and a trouble shared can be a great sense of relief. Bottling it all up if you feel its spiralled out of control is not healthy.

We do understand how gambling losses mount up rapidly. I am just saying that the mind needs time to heal and focus. Its often people close that put the perspective on it and help monitor the situation.

It can be time for a check up. We dont use therapists enough in this country so maybe there is some stress in your life or other issues.

Ive had a full check up and know that I was infact clinically depressed which Im coming out of now. You have mentioned key words like boredom and isolation. They are critical factors in developing a gambling habit.

The next step is entirely up to you. Perhaps you could gently start talking to more people about it. I found writing down what I had been gambling very painful and it gave a clear focus to others that is was a serious problem that could not be rationalised.

Whats difficult in your case is that you still seem self contained with it. I on the other hand was using my family for borrowing, lying to my family and hitting rock bottom. That forced me after days crying to finally get a grip and take the right steps. If you still feel a slight comfort zone, maybe you wont take those steps...I dont know

There was a TV personality on a you tube video that said he sorted his own gambling problem but knew he couldnt help or lecture others unless they were ready. Thats very true so it is your decision

I want you to join us gamble free and not gamble any more of your money away

Best wishes

hi a few thoughts / suggestions :

1) consider reporting all of your debit / credit cards lost to your bank(s). When the replacements arrive, scratch off the 3 numbers on the back of the card on the signature strip, so you won't be able to use them online. Then the temptation is removed - if you can't use the cards online, you won't be able to gamble online; if you know that you're unable to use the cards, you will know that gambling online is impossible, this will relieve a lot of temptation when you're home alone & bored & getting twitchy fingers.

2) see what happened when you did have the big win ? The co. used their t&c's to not pay out - this happens a lot - the toothless Gambling Commission seemingly does nothing. Check the trustpilot review site for different gambling companies to hear of other people's experiences & the dirty tricks the co.'s use. Ergo - if you are ostensibly playing to try to win big & when you do win big the co.'s don't even pay out then what is the point ? If you bought something from an online retailer & they never sent the item & didn't refund you would you order from them again ? I don't think so. Yet in a sense that is what you're doing when continuing to use these parasitic companies.

3) you sound quite together & gregarious so better to stop now before you fall from Grace. You may have a job / income now but that can change in the future - it can turn on a sixpence. Better then to have some savings as insurance / to fall back on rather than blow any disposable cash or income on rip-off gambling sites, always assuming that you'll get another month's salary the following month. Surely your money is far better in your pocket / account than in some corrupt gambling company's account ?

4) It sounds like you would benefit from 'group therapy' so consider going to a GA meeting or several - http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/ has a list of meetings with times & locations.

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